Last night X lamented the evil brilliance of his Tivo, which willy-nilly skips over his recordings, sometimes specially selecting the shows he most wants to see.
I have the opposite problem, but maintain the same belief: My DVR is set on driving me insane.
I don't ask much of my television recording technology. I just want a fresh, witty, farcical Daily Show and Colbert Report to hunker down with every night after a long and arduous day of work. Is that too much to ask? I guess so.
I set the DVR to "Record New Episodes Only". This is especially important because I only have so much recording space on my DVR, and rarely get to watch TV during the week. Also, Comedy Central knows Stewart and Colbert are pretty much the only consistently good things going for them.
My DVR knows this, knows my demands, and yet works overtime to drive me to tears.
You see, despite specifically requesting NEW EPISODES ONLY, I come home to find 5 Colberts and 5 Stewarts sitting in my queue. That's one hour of necessary television, and four hours of horrifyingly similar re-runs. It's like walking in to my apartment to find John and Stephen cracking jokes amid four semi-retarded, unoriginal clones, delivering jokes I've already heard.
First off, it takes an ungodly amount of time to delete these clones. I have to highlight them, click my delete button on the remote four or five times until the box reponds, confirm the delete (another five angry clicks) and then, finally, one is deleted. And then there's seven more to go.
What's worse? Since my DVR is always dangling precariously close to the 100% recorded limit, these extra episodes are often recorded at the expense of other shows I haven't watched. I switch on the television only to discover that the 3-week-old episode of House I SWORE I would watch is now gone, disappeared into the ether. And he made out with Cutty last time I watched! What happens next!? Will he remain curmudgeonly?? I have no way of knowing.
So, X, I ask you - which is worse? WHICH IS WORSE?
Goddammit Time Warner, get your DVR shit together. Don't give us a "record new epidodes only" option if the box is going to disregard it. You might as well add a "dispense one million dollars in hundred dollar bills" and "cook white chocolate chip pumpkin cookies" to the menu, as they would provide the exact same level of disappointment.