Friday, December 26, 2008
Thank God I have a week off, because I have much to do. Besides spending all of the money and gift cards I got from loved ones, I must get a few of my malfunctioning gadgets deal with.
Public Enemy Number 1: My iPod.
Oh iPod 60 gig. We started off badly. I dropped a few hundred bucks on you, only to find out the next week that your 80 gig brother had been released... at the same price I paid for you. That's fine. I got over it.
Your headphone jack is fucked. I thought it was my headphones, until I bought a new pair and found the same issue. I can only hear your dulcet tones in one ear. And this is not fun. The right ear pipes in now and again and throws off my equilibrium. I stand to be hit by a taxi if I continue to suffer this injustice.
Of course, I found a homemade solution, which is pushing down hard on the top of my headphone cord and somehow summoning the right ear to do its work. But this is about as accurate of a prescription as fucking around with the bunny ears on a television set, or blowing into an old Nintendo cartridge.
Okay, apparently this is mine. I didn't discover, until yesterday when my brother told me, that you are NOT supposed to wrap your headphone cord around the iPod when you put it in your pocket. Or if you do, you're supposed to disconnect the headphone plug. Who the fuck knew this? I didn't!
What I must do
I need to go to the nearby Best Buy (after digging up my pricey 3-year warranty). Then I must be nice until they offer up confrontation. Then I must curse and wave my warranty about in the air. Then they will honor the warranty.
My Dream Outcome
The customer service angel will say "just exchange the iPod for a new one, so we don't need to mail this back to Apple." They then let me trade up my 60 gig for the 160 gig (I will gladly pay the extra cash). The customer service person then gives me a bag of money and a timeshare in Paris.
Public Enemy Number 2: My Verizon enV phone
Oh enV, your name is so appropriate... because ever since I bought you, I've envied every iPhone 3G owner. They have the graphic web! They have instant messaging that's actually instant! They don't have to see the same stupid advertisement for Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl on their news homepage (is anyone even BUYING that song any more?) Plus, your camera is too touch sensitive, and always gives me a blurry photo.
Beyond your general suckiness, you've now begun to suck in overtime. Your P button is stuck. I never noticed how much I used "P" until this occurred. There are a lot of odd messages you can send when you forget a "P" or two. Your "OK" button has also begun to stick. This is so not OK. I need to send text messages. I need to press OK.
And then, you've recently begun to turn yourself off when I close you. I didn't ask you to do that. No one wants you to do that. You need to stop doing that.
I am very careful with my enV. This is Verizon's fault, and they must pay dearly.
What I must do
If I recall correctly, I am paying monthly amounts for Verizon insurance. I never used it when my last phone went to Shitsville, but this time I must. I will stop at the Verizon store en route to Best Buy and ask for a new phone. If they don't give me one, there will be blood.
My Dream Outcome
The kind Verizon folks will offer to give me a new one, and then let me either trade up to an enV 2 or, even more preferred, a Blackberry Storm (yes, even though apparently the Storm is a stinker next to the iPhone). Again, I will gladly pay the extra. This is about getting the latest and greatest, versus the grittiest and shittiest.
And so there you have it. I rarely return or exchange anything, so this should certainly be an adventure. More on it as it unfolds.