This Week's Random Rant: Lock-less Monsters

Bloggers tend to rant about things. Our lovely host Justin has gone off on the taste of pumpkins, the new Duane Reade logo, and long umbrellas – and that was just this week (Sorry J). I’ve decided that rants should be a once-a-week feature. And since I’m only here for a week, this is all you're getting. Enjoy.

Today I walked into the locker room at the gym, and went right to my preferred wall of lockers. (The one that gives you the unobstructed view of who’s entering and leaving the sauna. Duh.) At first I thought every locker was already claimed, but then I noticed one without a lock on it. Score! I walked over, swung it open… and it’s full of clothes. What the fuck!?

It may sound ridiculous, but I HATE people who don’t have locks for their locker. This happens more times than you’d think, and usually I notice, it is a suit and tie that’s in the unlocked locker. What’s the deal Mr. Wall Street, you can’t afford to buy a lock!? But even if it’s not a suit, and the clothes belong to some struggling actor, my reaction is the same. If you can afford the 75 dollars a month it costs to be a member of this gym, then you can afford to drop 6 bucks on a lock at Duane Reade!

I admit that my reaction is irrational and what follows is even more so. When I open those lockers, I have a burning, irresistible urge to steal something. If Joey No Lock came back from the showers to find his iphone or wallet or better yet, his pants mysteriously gone (man, that would be great!) I bet he’d learn his lesson and buy a freakin lock, quick.

Moral: bring a lock to the gym. Or you may get caught with your pants gone. Rant Over.