Friday, January 9, 2009

Bottoms Up

I'm going to get almost feminist for a second.

As someone who attended art school, and travels with a pretty liberal crowd, I'm no stranger to hearing grand statements about men with words like phallocentric and heteronormative sprinkled throughout. And I always swore to myself that I would never be like one of those people so obsessed with something that they felt it oppressed them just by existing. And yet... I've noticed this weird thing that a lot of guys who define themselves as exclusively tops do. They treat anyone who bottoms (and that means both bottoms and guys who define themselves as vers) in a way very similar to the way chauvinists treat women.

The obvious example that I can think of is, look at how many google hits you get by searching for "boy pussy" (or don't. You know, if you're at work). But there are more subtle examples, obviously. I was dating a guy like that a while back, and once, when we were talking about that website Confessions of a Bareback Top (which, is disgusting, bt dubs), he said and I quote, "The worst thing is that he tricks bottoms." And the way he said it had just the right mix of condescension and concern that it sounded exactly like someone saying, "You don't hit girls." Maybe I was overly sensitive to it (it came after a string of similar comments) but it had so much weight in that sentence. And I got to thinking about it, there is something to that power of the phallus that feminists always complain about.

Look at our language, our insults, specifically. Saying your average frat brother is a fudgepacker is mildly insulting in an almost jocular way, but saying he's a cocksucker has this spite to it. If you tell someone to suck your dick, you're not necessarily coming on to them, you're attacking them. We even say "get fucked." We don't say "Go fuck someone" (unless that someone is yourself, in which case we get you twice).

At least some people out there consider wanting a dick inside of them to be just the lowest thing you can do. Even in the gay world.


  1. Too true. My counter has always been along the lines of this:

    If you're such a "real man," why don't you take 9" of cock up your ass without complaining?

    It's often a symptom of powerless men funneling their anger/helplessness into degrading others. I think it happens sometimes with older/younger dynamics too. If you look at a lot of older men with the young, dumb, and hung types, they typically have low, low self-esteem.

    If that doesn't work for you, consider the relative intellect of people that ACTUALLY judge someone for bottoming. How can you throw stones when it's YOUR dick in there?

  2. a) Is it bad that I change "All the single ladies" to "All the single bottoms (now put ya legs UP)"?

    b) No bad-mouthing the older guys, Socialite Commentary: some of us young, dumb, and hung guys need dates!

    c) Is there truly anything better than a prostate orgasm? I think not.

  3. I often call people out about this, in public, angrily. It really is nothing more than chauvinism. It's men using insults usually designed for women (because of their "submissive/passive" roles) but against other men.

    And frankly I think that "Put a ring on it" is equally chauvinist. It's Beyonce's idea that womens' problems will be resolved if they get someone to propose marriage. How about urging them to gain financial independence?

  4. D. Ben/Rex:
    Shooooot, Beyonce is just after some free bling. That's not just financial independence (see: "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child), it's entrepreneurial.

    Blackout Blog:
    a) It's not bad. It's called a win-win situation.

    b)I <3 Older Men (though in a twist of fate, I currently AM the older man). That's why I specifically said powerless ones. You know the types. AKA Trolls, Pedophiles, Patrons of Splash.

  5. LOL @ Patrons of Splash! That's definitely a horse of a different color.