EXCLUSIVE! Lindsay Lohan Vacations!

Lindsay Lohan and I attended the same high school at the same time (I was a senior, she was the freshman "who was in that Parent Trap movie"). I feel as though we share a kinship, although I graduated Calhoun High School with honors, and she left junior year to eventually become a movie star, recording artist, and firecrotch. Because of our shared Long Island upbringing (me, Linds, and Amy Fischer - Long Island's finest), I take special note of the comings and goings of Miss Lohan in all her Adventures Through the Car Windsheild. I make jokes and poke fun, but seriously, the girl's probably hiding WMD's in her nasal cavity alone. Someone needs to chain this girl to a radiator Black Snake Moan style before she kills herself. Although I bet her funeral at Pure nightclub would be the party of the year. She should pre-order a Louis Vuitton coffin before Amy Winehouse picks up the last one.

Lindsay and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson have supposedly-reportedly-maybe-kind-of-sources-say-rumor-has-it ended their extremely healthy, not in any way attention-seeking relationship. It’s too bad, because the most stable environment for a young, impressionable straight(ish) woman in rehabilitation is in the company of a 31 year old lesbian DJ who drags her to bars every night. Now that she’s a single lady (WUH-uh-oh! You know you’re imagining yourself doing the dance right now like me), Linds decided to go on vacation. Lord knows I would need a break in between going shopping, wearing leggings in public, and blogging all day long for a living. Wait, I already do those things – can I join her? I promise to “accidentally” leave out a dime bag out on the dresser and to keep reminding her to text Tina Fey, the only person who might actually hire her again. Check out these exclusive pics of the single gal on vacation!

Lindsay in Iraq

Lindsay on the Moon

Lindsay at Circus School

Lindsay Digging up Marilyn Monroe's Grave