Glenn Beck: Fucked Up Crazy Person

Have you ever heard of Glenn Beck? I've seen his pudgy, bloated pancake face on billboards recently, ones that announce his recent hiring at Fox News.

But other than that, no, I've never heard of him. Probably because I don't live in a town where gays and abortion doctors are spit roasted and neutered to the tune of conservative talk radio.

::gulp::

Since Fox News is still perfecting the science needed to reanimate Hitler and Mussolini, and combine them into one mega-commentator (Benidolf Hitlolini?) they have instead turned to Mr. Glenn Beck to bring the latest bit of "We Report, you Decide" journalism.

Do I really need to tell you how evil (and red and sweaty) this guy is? Suffice it to say he makes the likes of Anne Coulter, Sean Hannity, and Bill O'Reilly look like moderates.

Even scarier is that he's masquerading as some charming yet odd-ball fellow, as you can see from his "personal interview" here on Fox News.

It also doesn't help that he looks like every douchebag I went to High School with. You know, the ones who would get into pointless verbal arguments with the teacher and then stand up and whine when they couldn't get the pass to go to the bathroom for the third time.

Oh. And he's a nutbag. See here:



I hope this man gets crabs from whatever Vietnamese hooker he bangs between lines of coke while preparing for his telecasts. And I hope those crabs release acid every time they bite. Now that's the kinda red I can get behind.