The Ten Worst Movie Posters of All Time

Don’t worry, everyone, the cornucopia of good movies in theatres is about to end. Whew! No more spending my entire weekend at the mall multiplex, eating wrinkled hot dogs and popcorn for every meal while sneaking from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button to Doubt to Revolutionary Road without getting caught by the 1000-year old man ripping tickets. (Sidenote: Do good movies seem good anymore if you see a bunch of them in a row? I vote no. Discuss.)

Another Genre Movie is coming out, and this time they make fun of dancing! Do you know what this means, people? After parodying scary movies, epic movies, disaster movies, date movies and now dance movies - they are slowly but surely running out of material. What can I say, I’m a half-glass full kind of girl. Which is why I look at this horrifying poster and I still don’t think it’s bad enough to make the list of the Top Ten Worst Posters Ever, in all their horrifying glory:

10. Valkyrie

Also known as Hitler’s 11. Will a tiny Chinese gymnast sneak into Adolf’s bunker?

9. Good Luck Chuck

If you can’t tell what’s wrong with this simply by having the gift of sight and staring into the abyss of this poster (somewhere between Jessica Alba’s dead eyes and Dane Cook’s photoshopped bicep), just take my word for it what a crime against humanity (and Rock ‘n Roll nostalgia) this poster is.

8. Changeling

Angelina Jolie’s floating head looks like it’s about to devour a tiny, faceless child. Hey, that’s how she found Zahara. This poster definitely needs a Change-ling! Hey-oh!!!!

7. Failure to Launch

Matthew McConaughey’s so stoned he can’t stand up straight.

6. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days

He must have shared some of his stash with Kate Hudson.

5. License to Wed

This poster would not make me want to watch this movie even on basic cable while blow-drying my hair in the same room, just to have something on in the background. It makes the top 10 simply based on John Krasinski and Mandy Moore’s facial expressions that reveal the shame they feel starring in this type of movie. Robin Williams looks pleased with himself, as usual.

4. Just My Luck

The first romantic comedy ever starring a woman with Tourette’s. That, or half her face is suffering from exhaustion.

3. Captivity

It’s a billboard, but it counts. Four great ways to see your favorite blonde get tortured! My only question is, why isn’t this starring Paris Hilton and why isn’t this a documentary? Also, “Abduction, Confinement, Torture, Termination” would make good lyrics for a Daft Punk song.

2. Citizen Kane

“It’s Terrific!” is the tagline you use to describe the greatest film of all time?? The American Film Institute is shaking its judgmental head at you, Mr. Old Timey Poster Maker. I can guarantee you “It’s Terrific!” would never have made me want to watch this classic movie if my college film professor hadn’t made me watch it in class anyway.

1. The Fighting Temptations

Was this poster put together during Take Your Daughter to Work Day at Paramount? I can almost see a pre-schooler cutting out random red carpet photos of Cuba Gooding Jr. and Beyonce with safety scissors and Scotch-taping them to printing paper. And the slanted font styling must have smoked a bowl with McConaughey.