Monday, March 9, 2009

David Top To Bottom

I could write an introductory post about myself – that I’m an Event Planner, that I’ve lived in New York for ten years, that I like to drink… but I find it’s much more interesting to get to know me through the stories I tell. (Check out my new blog, Manchattan, for more of those.)

Sometimes though, the best stories about me are told by other people. I’m doing a share on Fire Island this summer. I’ve only been once before, when I went for a weekend to stay with my friend John. This summer, I’m getting a house with him and some of his friends. Last week, the 7 house-mates to be all met at G for cocktails and introductions. As the night went on, and John drank more, he began making predictions about our upcoming summer. He soon got to predictions about me.

“THIS one,” he cried, gesturing toward me, “this one will be causing all KINDS of trouble!”

“I will not!” I defended myself, not wanting to make a bad impression on my new friends. “Why would you say that?”

“Please!” John said, “Remember last year??” I gritted my teeth as he began telling a story to the rest of the group. “We go out on Saturday night, and David comes storming back to the house at 6am.”

“I wasn’t ‘storming’,” I muttered.

“He wakes everyone up, ranting and raving,” John continued. I gave him an evil look. It didn’t even slow him down, as he started imitating me in a loud voice. “‘I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!’”

“I don’t talk like that,” I scolded.

“‘OY! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! OY! OYYYYYY!’” John mimicked.

I glared. I do say oy a lot.

John went on. “We were like, ‘David, what happened?’ and he’s all upset – ‘OY! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE… THAT I WAS JUST IN A FIVE-SOME, AND NOBODY WANTED TO BOTTOM!!!!’”

The house-mates all looked at me.

“Well,” I shrugged, “I mean c’mon – five gay guys hook up on Fire Island and none of them are bottoms? You have to admit that’s a little odd…”

They all burst out laughing. John shook his head. “All KINDS of trouble.”


  1. I can definitely believe that nobody wanted to bottom. I mean, there's a difference between, Well, I am on vacation, and he does have nice pecs, with one guy and being the sole bottom in a gang bang.

    But those embarrassing stories where your friends imitate you (loudly) are the best. I may or may not be notorious for telling them.

  2. I can totally picture you getting angry and saying this.