Recession? More like ReSEXsion!

Plus One Austin's hello post got me thinking about sex. Which usually makes me happy. But today, it actually made me frowny face.

We are in the midst of terrible economic times. Sure, the lines at Best Buy and filled tables at Per Se seem to speak to the contrary, but if you look to your friends and loved ones, you will see lost jobs, cut hours, garnished salaries (garnished celery!? no!!) and all sorts of uber-depressing signs of our times.

But, until now, I've been very very lucky to avoid the sword of God-Damnacles dangling over the heads of Americans everywhere.

This all changed this past weekend.

Let's call him Kevin. We met online and had discussed meeting up. He was a smart cookie from a good school, with a great body. Plus he loved Arrested Development! (Note: if you ever want to marry me, have Will Arnett perform his pennies from heaven trick and I'm ALL YOURS).

So Kevin and I had promptly planned to meet up and spend some sweaty time together (marathon training! manual field labor! standing in those old timey metal tubes women used to lose weight in the olden days!) but I took ill, and therefore he couldn't come by.

Just this morning I shot him an IM saying that I was available this week and so we could get together for some hot fun (sunbathing! hot coal spa treatments! volcano jumping!) and he said

"Well, there's a slight challenge we've been presented with."

A challenge? What!? Had he suddenly gotten a boyfriend? Did he turn straight? Was he dead and contacting me from beyond the grave?

Turns out that, a few weeks ago, the science lab he was working in let him go because they lost their grant money. (Nevermind the fact that his ass-stupid boss didn't realize Big Daddy Obama is sendin mucho dinero his way soon enough.)

"Okay?" I said, "And so?"

"My parents made me come home, they don't want to pay for me to live unemployed in the most expensive city in the world."

My heart (and something else) dropped. What!? He went home!? Why would they make him do that!? Why did I have to be sick last week!?

But I rallied. So what was the worst that could happen? They moved him back to New Jersey or Connecticut or Long Island? So he'd have to take a train, and we'd still be able to have some Fun Times (Chutes and Ladders! Hopscotch! Scavenger Hunts!)

"Okay, that's fine, where is home?"

"Georgia."

If you heard some terrible noise this morning, and you live in the tri-state area, that was me screaming.

And now, finally, after all of this time, the recession has negatively affected me. It just shows you on how many levels something this dastardly can go. Jobs and homes are just the begining.

Hey, Obama! How about a Cockblock Bailout? All I need is plane fare.