Do these posts make my rants look fat??

As many of my Plus Ones (Austin Helms! David! Chris Ryan!) have noted, I enjoy ranting. A lot. Often. And always.

What can I say? Much like how poets and novelists pen better works when they want to slit their wrists and beat the fluid out, or emo bands write better crap when their girlfriends fuck their drummers, I feel I write better comedy when I need to bitch about something.

So rant I do! When I'm drunk, and I go on a rant, my voice tends to get louder and my hand gestures more grandiose and ginzo, and people USUALLY have a great time of it.

But last night as I reviewed last Saturday's SNL, I came across a relatively new (read: she's been on once before) character named Angie Tempura. She's the head blogger of fake gossip blog "bitchpleeze.com" who shows up on Weekend Update, laptop and Starbucks iced coffee in hand, and a pound of snot in her nose.

She is notorious for dropping bad, snarky puns about movies she hasn't seen, and then yelling biiiiitch pleeeeze!

And so I fear: Am I Angie Tempura? Are people all secretly laughing at me when I bitch about people using their umbrellas like fancy canes?

I hope not, but you be the judge:



Oh, and while I'm on the subject of Weekend Update characters. I ALSO hope I don't sound like or act like the two gay guys from New Jersey...



But, contrary to popular belief, I actually wouldn't mind being considered similar to Gilly: