Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A new leaf.

After attacking you for even thinking of owning a wallet, I realized that perhaps I have been too harsh on you. I know that being the way you are is not your fault. After all, it could be a hormone deficiency, or perhaps you have too many or too few chromosomes. In either case, I should extend an olive branch.

Clearly you have had a string of misfortunes, and it is my place to say that I am sorry. I am sorry that you have a dark and sordid past that has finally caught up to you. I am sorry that you have easily found yourself in dangerous, precarious situations because of poor choices you have made in the past. I am sorry that you blame everyone around you. And I am big enough to forgive you for being a target of your poorly-judged wrath. After all, would a man grow angry at a bacterium for making him sick? Of course not. It is a lesser being, simply carrying out its duty.

In this spirit, I offer a fresh start. Today, let's just be friendly and civil with each other. I am sure that everyone is sick of seeing me trounce you repeatedly, and that you are tired of being defeated by a sheer wall of logic. How could you compete with that anyway? It's logic!

What do you say?

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