S-T-A-U-N-C-H!

Okay, I need to air out a grievance (you know, also known as a rant... which I rarely, if ever do!)

Plus One Shawn's fawning review of HBO's Grey Gardens makes me happy, but it also touches a nerve deep within me. I'm sure that the movie is fabulous, and I'm sure I'll be having a Grey Gardens party at my place. (Everyone will have to come in costume - I'm going to be Brooks and my friend Todd will be coming as "Clothes in a God-Damned Machine".)

But, dammit, I'm pissed! When I first heard that HBO was doing a Grey Gardens movie I probably thought what every self-respecting (aka, shameful) Broadway queen did - HBO was going to produce a movie musical!

I mean, the pieces were in place:

1. It was just long enough after Grey Gardens left Broadway, and the tour was well underway.

2. Movie musicals are SO hot right now.

3. They were showing the past, present, and future - much like the musical did.

Imagine my horror and sadness when I saw the trailer... no singing! Or, rather, SOME singing but, dammit, it wasn't a song I had ever heard before!

But no, I paced myself. This was not necessarily the final say. To hoodwink straight people into going to see a movie where everyone goes gay and sings high notes, movie studios have been known to HIDE the fact that the show is a musical. An excellent example would be the Sweeney Todd trailer, which cobbled together ALL 2 minutes of the movie where the cast didn't sing in order to scrape by with the footage they needed:



Masterful work! Literally EVERY spoken word in the movie was used for this trailer. I can only imagine the straight football team guys (ones with no gay friends to warn them!) who came to see a bloodbath only to be bitchslapped by Sondheim's dulcet tones and complex vocal arrangements.

So yes, I decided maybe HBO was NOT so stupid as to release a Grey Gardens that was not the musical. I had seen a story like this before - where a company released what should have been a musical as a non-musical... attend the tale of Les Miserables.



Released in the height of Les Miserables-Mania, this movie was ALSO not a musical. I mean, COME ON PEOPLE! You even MENTION the "musical seen by over 40 million people." Assholes. The second I heard that there would be no bawdy renditions of Master of the House, I protested by not going. I'm sure they felt my wrath.

But turns out that my worst fears were right. This Grey Gardens is indeed NOT a musical. Why!? Why not!? Why would you tease me (and so many others) in such a way? Sad state of affairs, HONEST.

Okay, I will still watch Grey Gardens (just as I did the documentary). BUT! I'll be pausing the movie at the right spots and putting the cast recording on so my friends and I can all jump to our feet and perform the PROPER version of "Revolutionary Costume". And I know you will too ;0)