Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Confessions of the Chaste
In my relatively few years as a gay, I've learned that we love labels. Perhaps it's our organized nature, but we just LOVE to categorize, and there's nothing we categorize more frequently or more universally than ourselves. You know it's true. There isn't a gay on this planet that doesn't know what a twink is.
But what is arguable the most important label in our little homomunity? Top and bottom, of course.
So what do you do when you can't categorize yourself?
I say that not because I feel some sense of transcendental superiority over labels. I love labels. I even have three levels of cute I assign to every guy I meet (dating cute, hookup cute, and, of course, drunk hookup cute.) Rather, I run into a technical issue.
I'm a virgin.
That's right: my cherry remains unpopped, my pecker has explored no man's dark abyss. It's not because I'm prude. Trust me, I am no prude. It's just that whoever takes my virginity will forever be known as "the guy that took my virginity" so I figure it'd be nice to have someone worth remembering.
But I digress.
The problem I have is not with my virginity itself. I have a problem with my label. Am I a top or a bottom? There was a time, when I was more *ahem* closeted, that I was sure I was a top. But the more I think about it these days, I can't seem to pin one down. I feel like I'm a versatile person, and thinking about both bottoming and topping are pleasing in their own respect.
Alas, I have literally no idea.
Now, I know it's not really that important until I actually start partaking in the dirty dirty. But it comes up in conversation, and I don't know how to respond. My height and athleticism would suggest top, but I've had many people - including my best friend's mother - say, "I think you're a bottom." I may very well be that polite, "I'll do whatever you want," top or bottom type. It would just be nice to know.
Everyone was a virgin once (with the possible exception of Brent Corrigan) so my question is this: if you are a top, or a bottom, or both, did you know before you lost your holy seal? How'd you figure it out? Or if you were wrong, what didn't you think about, or know?
I know I'll never actually know until I take the plunge, and that my knowing isn't terribly important, but humor me for a minute. I'm interested.