Monday, August 31, 2009

One Up

Hello again.

And so I'm back.

This blog suits me well, because in life, too, I am a frequent Plus One. I am not often the person who has found the funtastic event or been invited to the phenomenal part, but I am frequently the ("+1") tagging along! Somehow, I am way too scattered and unfocused to ever figure out what's going on unless someone tells me what to do and where to go and when (but I'll be fifteen minutes later). So too with blogs, it seems.

I feel bad for you guys, because honestly, you're really only getting one blogger when I'm the guest star here. The more time Justin and I spend together, the more we realize we are two peas in a very exclusive pod that somehow spans the entire length of the United States with one pea on each coast and none anywhere in the middle. It's not that we're "the same," because in certain ways we are fantastically different. It's more like a science experiment in which you start out with the same ingredients but then raise them in very different environments and throw some paprika on one 6 weeks in, and have the other one sexually abused by his uncle, and then compare notes along the way. Or maybe a "separated at birth" Lifetime movie that was deemed too gay for Lifetime and then sold to Logo. Or Here! Or Showtime. My point being, this week you're getting gypped. It's like Justin Plus Himself. Or, Justin Plus Another Guy Who Is So Much Like Justin It Might As Well Be Justin Himself.

I also feel bad because, well, I'm a freelance screenwriter, which means I have no "job" or "office" I have to get to at "X" am in the morning. (I can't bear to put an actual number in place of "X.") I do not follow what others would call "a schedule" in any way. This means that by the time I actually get around to posting, you East Coasters are already on your way out, grabbing dinner, having drinks, or fighting off this week's Giant Mutant Lizard risen from the depths of the ocean. Way too busy to read a blog, in any case.

Being a writer also means I'm wordy and long-winded, so no pretty pictures or videos for you! I'm actually terrible at the internet, which leads me to believe I was born in the wrong decade. I have a bizarre aversion to clicking links and watching videos. I need a detailed explanation of the video in question's content, running time, and Oscar chances before I even think about viewing that baby. There are all kinds of pop culture references I don't understand anymore. I try to play along, "Haha...yeah...FAIL...totally" but really, I don't know what I'm talking about. To date I have seen roughly three videos online, one and a half of which were "funny," and zero of which contained cats and/or small children. See? I'm terrible.

But with those caveats, I look forward to splendid week of blogging!


  1. Leave it to you to find someway to have paprika and molestation in the same post.

  2. In the same sentence, no less!