Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Torrent Terror

With the recent announcement that a Dutch court has ordered the end of MiniNova, right on the heels of the ordered end of Pirate Bay, is it safe to assume that the age of torrents is coming to a close?

Well, probably not. Wait. Stop. Reverse. Some of you may be asking "what the fuck is a torrent?" Let me be honest with you: it's not quite a tortoise and not quite a rental.

Okay, here's where I admit something: for all the tech geekery I possess (and MAN do I have a lot of it!) I have never come to understand the big deal with torrents. I know they're illegal. And that, through a massively confusing web of technology, they basically make it easy for you to get free music and movies.

I also know that they have been the cause of ridiculous fines and lawsuits, charging suburban teenagers hundreds of thousands of dollars for downloading a copy of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

I have used torrents before, but damned if I understood what the fuck I was doing. All I know is I now have two full-length gay porn movies on my home computer - and one came (for some reason) without volume. Let me tell you that muted gay porn is about as useful as a bicycle with no wheels.

Clearly this is the end of torrents and illegal file sharing, right? Citizens the world over will throw up their hands in defeat and return to traditional consumer stores and start buying music and videos and games at full price. Right. Some day, maybe, the film and media companies will realize that you cannot control this. People will trade illegally. If not this way, then another way.

But hey, if they want to waste their money on these frivolous lawsuits that then gets reflected in the price I have to pay for a copy of Three's Company on Blu-Ray, then go on ahead. In the end, more torrents sites will open up, and maybe I'll start using them, too.

I'd ask you to comment on your opinions on torrents, but I'll bet you a hundred bucks that they're trolling blogs everywhere, and will sue you. So feel free to keep quiet.

xoJR

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