Justin: Sharecroppers Don't Stand in 5th Position

Jeremy,

I have just returned from seeing Finian's Rainbow with Boyfriend Joe. First off, I need to say: this is a very bad show. Not this production, lord knows they tried their best.

Nay, I must say that FINIAN'S RAINBOW the ACTUAL PLAY is broken in so many ways. I won't begin to list them. I'll leave that to the critics who will have at it like speed-injected vultures at a corpse orgy.

Suffice it to say that I am assuming that IF this play survives the recession, it will be because of future 30 Rock cast member, Cheyenne Jackson, and nothing else.

Anyway, my big beef that I will dwell on presently is an issue that I'm finding more and more on the great white way: and that is gay dancers. Now, clearly I have no problem with gay dancers. They are hot. I want to make babies with their faces. Most others do, too.

No, what I mean is that gay dancers these days have been gaying it up a bit too much for their parts. Tonight, for instance, Boyfriend Joe and I watched a disgruntled, malnourished, supposedly unhappy southern Sharecropper do one of the most elegant pas de deux we have ever seen in our lives.

Think I'm kidding? See here:



Gay dancers, take note! If you're playing a straight character who by definition must be straight, you need to not dance so elegantly and fabulously. Be you a sharecropper, a lumberjack, a soldier, or a monkey in the land of Dr. Seuss, perhaps you shouldn't be popping and/or locking with such bravado.

Just because you grab the nearest set of tits and dip them in what you think is an amorous embrace does NOT make you straight. Clumsiness makes you straight. Slightly closed eyes make you straight. Pit stains make you straight (but these are not preferred).

There should be straight dancing classes in dance schools I think. Just something quick and easy at the end of the semester that teach you how to temporarily unlearn all of the grace you've picked up over the months.

xoJR