Friday, January 30, 2009

Susan Somers' Vagina

I never. Ever. Thought I would write those three words together. Especially as a blog headline. But I needed to share this information with all of you (I'm sorry, in advance) before my head exploded and I died right where I'm sitting.

Thank you Huffington Post, Oprah and Susan Somers. Thank you for educating me on how Susan Somers' vagina plays into her health and well-being. And thank you for informing me of this as I'm still chewing my lunch.
Somers invited cameras into her home to show her daily routine, seen below. First she rubs hormone lotion on the inside of her upper arm, always estrogen and two weeks a month progesterone. She then injects estriol vaginally, which she did not let cameras see.
At that point, Mrs. Somers, you might have as well let us see. Just jammed the camera lens between your legs and up into the great, estriol-infused birth canal. Because you know that we're all imagining the worst.

Errrr.....


Remember earlier when in my post "What Wii-cession?" where I said if Nintendo reported job losses it would mean the end of, well, our entire economic structure?

Well, earlier, Nintendo released a report stating that they are now expecting a much greater drop in profits this year than before.

Before you start to worry too much, however, their original projections had included the effects of the economic crisis. This new projection is a little mysterious, but there has been a report that it's due to a major problem that has arisen with Nintendo's higher-ups. Apparently, Wii production in Japan has been so great, that it's not selling very well anymore, while in America, it's still in low production and impossible to find. While this didn't cause much concern at first, there are projections saying it will cause a huge loss this year as they lose money in Japan more and more with over-production, and also that when they ARE able to meet demand here, people will not be buying many videogames because they don't have money...or jobs.

Then again, less work=more play. Right?

Violet, Violet, Violet!

One of my favorite musicals of all time is a relatively unknown (I say relatively because it seems to be surging in popularity - especially because of college performances) off-broadway tuner called Violet. The story is a Wizard-of-Oz-ian tale of a girl who takes a hot, long bus ride down to Tulsa to meet with a television preacher in hopes of healing a gaping axe wound in her face.

There's a lot more to the story. A lot more.

Of particular note is the fantastic music, composed by Jeanine Tesori (of Thoroughly Modern Millie, Caroline or Change, and Shrek fame). And within that show, one of my favorite songs of all time - "On My Way." Complex harmonies abound. Voices mix, mingle, pray and whine. And it's all about the beginning of a journey.

Needless to say, I love that YouTube has suddenly become a hosting space for countless productions of Violet. And I am addicted to comparing the versions. Who's better? Which Violet really nails it? How does the staging compare? Are there similarities in how Violet and Young Violet move and act? Somewhere, deep in the south, one college even cast the only black character, Flick, as a white boy.

Any way. Enough of my rambling. Check out some performances of On My Way... and let me know which one is your fave. Personally, I have to give my shoutout to Pace's version. It's the most nuanced. You can really see that they're stuck on this DISGUSTINGLY HOT BUS. And their integration of "younger Violet" (the blonde girl who runs on) is the most interesting.

Oh, and I threw in Sutton Foster's performance of the song as well. Because who doesn't love Sutton Foster?

Pace (NYC)


U of Miami


Sutton Foster at Joe's Pub (why not!?)


Washington University in St. Louis


Westminster Choir College (choral perfomance)


University of Tampa Cabaret

Thursday, January 29, 2009

We Can Only Hope It's Final


Today has been a day of crisis for many, many people, myself included.

While I'm not here to tell my story, I will tell you the story of a whole PEOPLES that were in a crisis. Where an evil despot had enslaved them and squashed any hope of revolution under his thumb. That's right.

I'm talking about FINAL CRISIS.

For those of you who have NO idea what I'm talking about, Final Crisis is the multiverse spanning, seven issue (and often delayed) DC Comics epic written by Grant Morrison (Justice League International; Animal Man). It's premise is that Darkseid, evil leader of the New Gods of Apokalips, has finally discovered the Anti-Life equation and comes to Earth, enslaving humanity, the supers, and begins to make Earth into New Apokalips.

Now that you're done cocking your eyebrows at this, it's been hyped as a DC Universe changing event. And in some ways, it has changed the DCU, "killing" off a few characters of which I will not spoil.

Grant Morrison is an...interesting writer. He tries to take what is very, very old, dust it off, and make it have meaning in the modern worlds that DC and Marvel have created. His language is complicated to follow, and often ends a scene in mid thought, seemingly in a way to make things more gripping or mysterious.

The one thing he does incredibly well is his use of characters at metaphors for the world they live in. In his run of Batman: RIP, he makes Batman so paranoid about a mysterious organization that he is nearly convinced that he has created the organization himself in another personality, ultimately damaging himself and his battle between his already split personalities of Bruce Wayne and Batman and their battle between their two sons.

Final Crisis doesn't just reflect the DC Universe changing, it is a commentary on comic books themselves. Grant leaves things so convoluted and confusing sometimes, it's only up for interpretation, and here's my take:

Due to some rumored bad blood between Grant Morrison and artists vs. the Editor-In-Cheif on Final Crisis, they are all leaving DC comics (minus the EIC). Thusly, there was much turmoil with the story (which changed dramatically apparently from what it started off as), and several delays ensued. Basically, there was a large amount of backlash at the resurrection of the original Flash, Barry Allen, who died a very heroic, very final death.

There are many ideas and hints at things to come in the first few issues of FC, but then there is no delivery later on. Some things are even just abandoned right out. In the end of the story, the heroes prevail, of course. But we see the gods fade and humans take their place. In the end, it's the people who control the gods, not the other way around. And while the gods change the world of the people in the DCU, the gods keep bringing up the book of everything. And how it says one person is supposed to die, yet he comes back to life.

This is the point I'm making: I'm so fed up, and I think legitimate writers who go to write for these comic books of the characters they grew up loving, with retconning. All of these things are a jab at retconning: the act of a new writer who changes the rules of the universe for his own whims. The main offenders of this are writers who resurrect characters who need to stay dead.

In the end of this story, even in the face of infallible gods who wrote the rules in the first place, there is always someone new to come along and completely shit on what came before it.

Much like new presidents in their changes of the old presidents laws (I'M NOT COMPLAINING...at least in Obama's case!) ^-^

Bloody good furniture

I do not consider myself one for interior design. I often just buy what looks cool, throw it somewhere in my apartment, and then forget it's there as it collects dust. My studio is steeped in blue, and I consider that my style. Blue. If it's blue, it works. Therefore I have style.

Needless to say, things like chairs, tables, bedspreads, and the like never really get me off. Until now.

Meet the Dexter Collection from designer Amy Lau.

You'll be sure to make a splash of a dinner party when guests sit down on one of Amy Lau's limited edition Dexter dining room chairs. Inspired by the Showtime serial killer show, the chairs are made from white lacquered wood and upholstered in white ultraleather (i.e. vinyl). But what makes these chairs truly unusual are the hand-embroidered blood designs by Leah Picker (see detail above), splashed front and back on each chair.

Am I the only person who's IN LOVE with this violently vfurniture collection!? Imagine having a classy dinner party where people sit and dine in a room that looks like the scene of a carotid artery slashing.

Dinner is served, indeed!

Only in NYC: Junk Angels


I found these two beauties on my walk from work to the 5 train last night. Two cherubs caught in a silent gaze, wrapped in trash bags to protect themselves from the cold as they wait for the garbage men to pick them up, or for some drunk bankers to piss all over them.

These Junk Angels are a perfect example of the trashy beauty of NYC.

Blogroll Plus One: Get naughty and nerdy with Sam J. Miller

As I've said before - I am here to entertain you, to lighten your day and fill it with joy. With my entries, my Plus One's entries, and anything I find in my daily digging on the Web. Needless to say, when I add a Blog to my blogroll, it is with my 100% guarantee that this is a place where you can happily waste your time every day.

Today I have officially added the blog of my writer friend, Sam J. Miller to the J+1 blogroll.

Sam is a fantastic gay fella. A fellow published erotica writer. A social activist. A radical left genius. And an all-around wonderful dude. His blog, naturally, is totally kick ass.

Sam describes his blog thusly (and I concur):
Just what the world needs, one more man in cyberspace telling quirky anecdotes and offering opinions on shit no one asked him about. In addition to announcements of upcoming readings and new publications of mine, I'll mostly be talking about science fiction, horror movies, radical politics, nintendo, random blogs that I love, queer stuff (including, but not limited to, pictures of shirtless boys).
In addition to this, SJM is doing some fun stuff including 25-word movie reviews (check out his latest for Dances with Wolves). Oh, and he adores Battlestar Galactica.

So add Sam J M's blog to your blogroll, or be sure to check for it regularly in the right column of Justin Plus One. And keep an eye out for him here, I'm already courting him to be my Plus One in February.

xoJR

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Party Like It's 4706


For those of you who may have missed it, Monday marked the New Year...for the Chinese. And as an ox, I'm hoping that being in my year, this will be a year of wisdom and change for me.

So I am celebrating with my Ulala, my Blood Elf rogue, in World of Warcraft.

While that may sound dorky to some, WoW does something really cool. As it is a game that is constantly evolving through time and space, they do follow a real calender. While there are no Chinese in WoW, they do their own celebration for this holiday called the Lunar Festival, in which many fireworks are lit, people get special kimonos, and honor their lost elders (many of which are cows).

Every major real world holiday has a WoW counterpart; Christmas is The Winter Veil Festival, Halloween is Hallow's End, the upcoming Valentine's Day is "Love Is In The Air," and so forth.

The one I look most forward to is the Summer Fire Festival, in which there is a big island you go to for summer related quests. There was a Fire Island I went to over the summer, but the quests I got there didn't really get me any new clothing...in fact, I don't remember wearing ANY clothing most of the time I was there...

Break Up Comfort

If you're not friends with me on Facebook, then maybe you don't already know that my boyfriend Jack and I separated. It was a hard and horrible thing to do, and at times I feel like both a horrible person and a murderer.

AKA: it sucks.

But, a light in the darkness of emo end-of-relationship despair is this card my CEO sent me from SomeEcards. It continues to amaze me that these people are able to consistently create cards that are so timely, accurate, and appropriate.

Signs of the Apocalypse 9: Bat Shit Crazy People


I'm all for conspiracy theories. They make for excellent, spooky conversation when it's 3AM, you're drunk off of your skull, and cramming slices of West Village pizza down your throat.

But this posted item I saw at the Union Square subway last night takes the cake. Sure, I can see the intrigue of the economic crisis and the illuminati. But what bloodletting has Obama overseen yet? I imagine he would wait til his second or third week prior to assuming the position of Bloodletting Oversight.

And digital TV and big brother? Well now we're just scraping the bottom of the barrel here. I mean, I can see how Big Brother is gaining power by forcing my family to buy my Grandfather a cable box so he can continue to watch reruns of the Rambo movies in peace... but there's nothing spookier or conspiracy-er?

Something tells me their tinfoil hats are on too tight.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

John Updike (1932-2009)


It's slightly ironic that I'm blogging about this, seeing as he was always self-aware of his misunderstandings of internet culture and blogs, but today, sadly, author John Updike passed away at the age of 76.

A name I remember hearing often, the only book of his I ever read was The Witches of Eastwick, but I remember more of it from the movie rather than the book itself. But I remember Cher less from that and more from Mermaids, still.

The thing that Mr. Updike said that touched me most was this, however: "Life is a video game. No matter how good you get, you are always zapped in the end."

Unless you're the damn dog from Duck Hunt, then you can't get zapped, no matter how bad we want you and your stupid laugh to die.

Somewhere, there's a flower with your face in it, John. And not in the creepy Jack Nicholson way. In a nice way...errrr....rest well, anyway.

ISO: Jai Ho!

In today's online world, people KILL for the chance to become a viral sensation. Millions of dollars are poured into campaigns in hopes of pushing a video or animation or game into the mainstream.

It is for this reason that I am positively befuddled when I come across an entity that is doing everything in its power to SUPPRESS the sending of their content around the Web.

A wag of the finger to SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE and the folks behind it. Have you not been reading blogs and twitters? Do you not have ears? The final Bollywood dance scene in your movie to the song Jai Ho is a runaway sensation. (And I, myself, am absolutely addicted to it).

People want to learn it! Dance it with their friends! It can be the next SINGLE LADIES! YouTubers are running to get the material up to feed the starving masses... and YET you're pulling down the video wherever it's posted? Really? What sort of integrity are you trying to save here? Why would you NOT want the Jai Ho dance to spread like wildfire?

Tsk tsk.

And, in that vein, if anyone HAS a video of the full Jai Ho dance (instead of these poorly done user vids), I'll love you forever if you send it my way.



Monday, January 26, 2009

What Wii-cession?

If anyone has been keeping up with the news or their wallets, the world is in a financial crisis. (!) Recession is no longer just something to do with my hair, it's on everyone's minds.

The phrase "recession-proof" has been thrown around a lot in the videogame industry. The Economist even had a lot to say about it. Most of these speculations were due to things like, oh, 5 million Wiis being sold in two months.

However, if this previous speculation left any doubt in the fact that we're in recession, the job losses with videogame companies should be the sign of depression. Sony, EA, Sega, even Microsoft have announced job cuts in their games divisions, making for many canceled games. Nintendo is still seemingly in the clear, but know this: if and when they do, you can guarantee that we are royally f**ked.

I mean, when Sega cuts jobs, you know the world is in trouble. Next thing you know, they'll stop making consoles.

NO I WILL NOT BE YOUR FRIEND ON FACEBOOK


Okay. Everyone wants to be popular. Everyone likes having a million friends, followers, readers, fans, whatever. And sure, sometimes we'll add THAT guy... the one you don't really know, or never really liked, or never actually met, or whatever.

But I will NOT be friends with this guy. I'm sorry, even I have my limits.

*ignored!*

Great White Gay: I toldja so!

I am comfortable in my ability to tell people that a musical is horrible. However, when it comes to plays, I am a little less confident. When I first saw American Buffalo and hated it, I was nervous for the following week. What if all the critics I trust and admire said it was a tour de force? A piece of dramatic genius?

Luckily, American Buffalo got critically destroyed, and closed 7 days later.

I felt the same sort of trepidation when I came down hard on Hedda Gabler. Suffice it to say I am proud to say that my taste remains in line with those I hold in high regard. Ben Brantley's review of Hedda Gabler is even less forgiving than mine was.
With this “Hedda” it’s not just that everyone is bad. It’s that they’re all bad in their own, different ways. At times you feel that because of some confusing detours in the back alleys of Broadway, actors who were meant to be in — I dunno, anything from “Grease” to “Equus” — showed up at the wrong place.
Deep sigh of relief there. I am not an un-cultured clod! I know what I'm talking about! Hedda really is a pile of crap!

Oh, and before signing off... a bit of excitement to share. The 10-year-old boy inside of me who is still a huge Michael Jackson fan (no pedo jokes!) is skipping and somersaulting with glee.

Michael Jackson's Thriller is going to be a musical!

Could it be tragic? Sure. But I'll STILL be seeing it!

The Game Was Better...

To make things easy on you readers out there for this Monday, I'll make the transition from X to myself more fluid by doing what he did most, talk about movies.

Not just any movies, though. While you sit through your movie trailers, thinking "Wow, that Max Payne looks like a HECK of movie. I should go buy it on Blu-Ray to play in my non-gaming Blu-Ray player/waffle maker."

Now hold on there Billy. Did you realize that the gun-toting, devil-may-care Mark Wahlberg you see is actually playing a character based on a videogame??? *gasp*

Let me educate you on something: Videogame to movie adaptations have NEVER, despite their best intentions and actors, been 1) Very good or 2) True to the source material (i.e., John Leguizamo and Super Mario Bros: The Movie). And the same goes for movie to videogame adaptations.

However, we live in a new age with new technologies and a new acceptance for videogames as a viable art form, the transitions have been getting better and we may finally see a GOOD movie soon. Hey, if a comic book movie can get nominated for an Oscar, videogames can't be far behind, right?

Here are some highlights coming out in the next couple years:

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
The Game: An evil vizier in Persia (duh) ousts the prince and plans to use a magical treasure to bring about a sandstorm to destroy the world. However, the prince is given a magical sand that can control how time flows to use in his attempt to stop the vizier (Jafar?).

The Movie: The game was critically acclaimed, has Jerry Bruckheimer attached to it as the producer and Jake Gyllenhall. This, as many videogame movies, will bring in the money. But despite any reviews this movie gets, I will go see it if there is plenty more of this:

Gears of War
The Game:A shooter in which an alien race called the Locust invades and decimates much of the Earth, and a team of space marines fight through to stop the plague (ha!) that has befallen the planet.

The Movie:It got good reviews and is beloved among middle American 18-30 year old boys. It'll be a great popcorn movie, and definitely will make the money back. As long as they don't throw The Rock in there, it may be even watchable...

Halo
The Game: Same as above (not called Locusts however), in first-person.

The Movie: Read above. Just no god-forsaken first-person scenes (see: Doom the movie).

...so maybe there isn't a WHOLE lot of hope. Oh well, we'll always have Mortal Kombat. Ohhhh Johnny Cage....

Many animals were harmed in the making of this video

At least mentally scarred, to be sure. Check out this music video that combines techno music with livestock and a mirrored corner.

Maybe horrifying. Maybe creepy. Maybe oddly beautiful, like some sort of natural kaleidoscope.

I leave it to you to decide.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Meet Jake!

I am often derided for many of my habits and interests. These include a love of professional wrestling (and NOT for the guys in spandex), the fact that I own a PS3 and a Wii (and play them), and many other dorky interests besides. Needless to say, I am pleased as punch to welcome this week's co-blogger, Jake.

And I'd also like to thank X for his fantastic return last week - maybe we can have you back in time for the Oscars? I'm game if you are!

xoJR


My Name:
Jake the Weatherman

My Location:
Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY, NY

My Site/ Sites:
http://onehandonmyjoystick.blogspot.com

What I love:
Videogames; Comic Books; Cartoons; Food; Anything Japanese-y

What I hate:
Political Correctness; Retconning dead superheroes; Shovelware; Fanboys

The Last Word:
I’m young, hung, and brandishing a light gun. As if being gay and being looked upon as different from a supposed 90% of the population weren’t bad enough, I’m left to be misunderstood by the other 10% for sitting around and explaining every Star Trek reference in each Futurama episode (and trust me, there are some in EVERY one). I’m here to bring the understanding; to bring enlightment with every princess saved from a turtle/dinosaur thing, with every Borg being un-assimilated, and show that yes, the gay nerds of the world are in fact geek-sheiks, and not dressing like fairies just for the sake wearing tights and rolling a 20-sided die.


Friday, January 23, 2009

"What? I Can't Hear You. My Pomegranate Is Brewing Coffee Right Now."

First off, when did everything become pomegranate?

A few years ago, NOTHING was pomegranate. It was just a funny word. I doubt many people could tell you exactly what a pomegranate looked like or tasted like or smelled like. Now EVERYONE can.

Sure, pomegranate is tasty. Pomegranate juices make sense, and pomegranate flavored water, okay. It's sure nice to smell pomegranate in shampoo and conditioner when I wash my hair and use my pomegranate bar soap. Mmmm...pomegranate. What a wonderful way to wake up in the morning.

But it's gone overboard. Short of pomegranate toilet paper and pomegranate gasoline, pretty much the entire planet has gone pomegranate. I'm kind of expecting the earth to turn maroon and grow a weird little stem-thingie. Will pomegranate blood soon pump through my veins? Will my local multiplex give me red-tinted glasses so I can experience movies in Pom-o-Vision?

Latest case in point: a pomegranate phone. I was going to merely make fun of the name of the phone, until I saw that this phone also makes coffee. THE PHONE MAKES COFFEE. AND DOUBLES AS A HARMONICA. AND TRIPLES AS AN ELECTRIC RAZOR YOU CAN USE WHILE YOU TALK. When I clicked "Release Date" I half-expected to see "2055" but alas, no.

PLEASE watch the video of the phone making coffee, and a bunch of people at the office dancing to harmonica music. Who comes up with this stuff?

The Pomegranate Phone

Parties I Didn't Go To: Eat Me at Ate Ave.


Once upon a time I would go out every night. Weekend, weekday, holiday, didn't matter. I'd survive somehow on 4 hours of sleep, my eyes would get more raccoon-like by the day. But it didn't matter - there were drink specials to be had and people to meet.


But, alas, I have grown up, Peter Pan. I'm not the energetic guy I was in the summer. Maybe it's the lack of photosynthesis. Maybe it's having a monogamous boyfriend. Maybe it's the frigid cold that makes me run back to my apartment promptly at 11 PM, for fear I'd turn into a pumpkin.


And because of this, I am missing parties left and right. But I've found a happy alternative to going to these parties: seeing photos of them on Facebook! Below are photos of the party EAT ME! at the bar Ate Ave.


Apparently it's the new hot party to break the Chelsea drought of places to be. Amanda Lepore is there (or so I've read). And if the photos tell you anything, there are plenty of hot dogs and custard pies for all.


And for this, I honor EAT ME. Gay men need to eat more. Granted frankfurters and cream pies are both unhealthy and extremely sexually suggestive, but... oh, wait... I guess that's the point.


But, on the other hand - I don't really like hot dogs. As my Mom has said for years "they repeat on me." They're really one of the only foods that taste stronger when you belch them than when you eat them.


But man oh man, that's a lot of hot dogs! I wonder how many partygoers did the predictable "I'm going to deep throat this slickly encased collection of various animal parts."


Something tells me I'd eat a hot dog regardless if this guy brought it to me. (But I'd ask for ketchup).


Good job, Eat Me. Looks like a good time. Maybe someday I'll put on my Depends, keep my dentures in longer than the doctor has cautioned me to, and check you out.

xoJR

Morning Bush

I'll tell you, I'm going to miss being able to wake up in the morning, drink my coffee, see something ass-stupid that our 43rd President did, and write a blog post about it. I mean, Dubya was an immediate and horrifyingly easy posting topic.

But now I'll have to switch to the defensive, as Repunklicans have already begun to attack Obama for everything he's doing (because, you know, only doing forty things on his first day is worse than the fact that their President spent the most days on vacation of any President in history).

But I figured I'd go out with a bang. Here's one last hurrah at Bush (well, I hope I'll have more opportunities to make fun of the guy - we'll see what he does in his post-Presidential life).

At the end of the year, David Letterman compiled a video Top 10 list of the things we'll miss most about Bush. I completely agree with him. These were some of the shiniest golden moments.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

For Your Consideration

I wish I had thought of writing a screenplay like Wall-E, which is nearly silent for the first part and features two non-speaking robots as leads.

I'm guessing the screenplay looked something like this:

EXT. JUNKYARD EARTH - DAY

Wall-E drives around picking up trash. He picks up a Rubik's cube. Then he picks up a piece of paper. Then he picks up a can of Coke. Then he picks up a can of Pepsi. A COCKROACH watches from nearby.

EVE enters.

WALL-E
Bleep blop blooooop!

EVE
Whizzzzzz purrrrr.

WALL-E
Waaaaaall-E!

EVE
Waaaaall-E??

WALL-E
Waaaaaaall-E!

EVE
Eeeeeeeeeeve.

WALL-E
Eeeeeeeve?

EVE
Eeeeeeeve.

WALL-E
Bloop blop!

EVE
Hehehehehehe!

FADE OUT.


K. Where's my Oscar?

Cock-a-doodle-DOG


For years and years I have been under the false understanding that I was born in the year of the dog. It's my mother's fault, but I don't really blame her. You see, 1982, indeed, was the Year of the Dog. So by all rights and means, that should be what I am.

However, I was born on January 7, 1982. In our calendar I was born in the Year of the Dog. However, as my boyfriend Jack pointed out to me: the Chinese New Year doesn't fall on December 31st. It falls sometime in February. In other words, I was born at the tail end (ha.ha.ha) of The Year of the Rooster.

Little did Jack know he had just shaken my world forever. I called my Mom and told her, and she fought me, called her friend, who also said we were wrong. Until they looked it up and Mom sent me an email saying "Jack was right. All of these years I thought you were a dog. Guess you're just a loud, annoying chicken."

This has been a huge deal for me. It's like spending your whole life thinking you're someone's kid, only to find there was a mix up at the hospital. I had been living a lie! All those years of "you're such a dog, Justin!" jokes - lies! All of those years of "I'm a huge cock" jokes, wasted!

Once I found this out, I began research into both signs. And you know what? I found something interesting. I'm not entirely a rooster, nor am I entirely a dog. I'm some really nice mix of the two.

See here:

The Dog is a giving, compassionate personality. (true) He offers kind words, support and advice to friends and family. (ditto) He is a listener, always available to lend an ear or a shoulder to a friend in need. (absolutely) Often Dogs know more about their friends than their friends know about them or even themselves! (not true) Dogs are incredibly attentive. (sometimes) Sometimes though, Dogs should pay more attention to their own needs. (i hear that a lot) In private, many Dog people worry a lot. (nope)

and

Roosters are very loyal individuals. (yes!) They do not like dishonesty or mockery of any sort. (no) They are blunt, up front and honest people and expect those around them to be the same. (not always) Roosters are happiest when they are surrounded by others, at a party or just a social gathering. (i also love being alone) They even enjoy the spotlight and will exhibit their charisma and wit in a minute. (yes) This star quality can be overbearing, for a Rooster expects you to listen to him while he speaks and can become agitated if you don’t. (nope!) Roosters do have a tendency to brag about themselves and their achievements and demand an attentive audience when doing so. (nope!)

So there you go. I'm not quite a rooster. Not quite a dog. I'm a dog with a rooster tail... or a rooster with a dog's head. Not the prettiest thing to look at, but man does it make one hell of a loud noise when it runs up and humps your leg.

Grey Gardens v George Bush, and Pippin's Coming Back!


When you think about it, the tragedy of Grey Gardens - its senile inhabitants and the shithole they created of a once-great mansion is very similar to what the Bushes of Tex did to the White House. I suppose it is fitting, then that Tony winner Christine Ebersole should sing a fond farewell to George W. Bush on The Colbert Report.

Check it out right here



In additional Broadway news, I am excited to see that one of my favorite "classic" (in quotes because it is classic to someone my age) broadway tuners Pippin is making a comeback on the West Coast.

And it is doing so in an experimental and interesting way. It's not modernized. It isn't with puppets. But it is choosing to take care of the magic it has to do with an intriguing cast:
Director Jeff Calhoun and Deaf West Theatre follow their popular hits, Sleeping Beauty Wakes (Ovation Award winner) at the Douglas and Big River at the Taper, by transforming this beloved classic into a wildly theatrical and original musical event featuring deaf, hard-of-hearing and hearing actors as voice and American Sign Language are interwoven with music, dance, and joyous storytelling.
I pray for its success. As much as I love being near Broadway and the center of all things theatrical, we often miss out on shows that can't open the purse strings of the millionaire elite enough to transport their production Eastwards. I'm speaking specifically of the revival of The Wiz, which I REALLY wanted to see for myself. And what about the revival of The Who's Tommy? Is it still coming to Broadway? I just don't know.

So good luck, Pippin. May your leading players and sign language choreography be novel and touching enough to guarantee you safe passage to the Great White Way, versus an odd and useless novelty that dissolves as quickly as Pippin's foolhardy dreams.

xoJR

It's An Honor Just Being Nominated


I'm almost - but not quite - done talking about movies.

I just got off the phone doing an interview for the news in Kansas City, giving my Oscar predictions (pre-announcement) and conclusions (post-announcement). See? I'm kind of a big deal. In Kansas City. I may post the interview later, but probably not because hearing myself talk makes me squirm. Luckily I did not make an ass of myself on live TV and apparently sounded like I knew what I was talking about. Though actually, there are few topics I could talk more about than the Academy Awards (who would have guessed?) so I was more worried about not being able to shut up than having nothing to say.

Milk being nominated for Best Picture is no surprise, but The Reader? Sure, it was nominated for a Golden Globe, but nobody is talking about The Reader. I liked the movie, but it's an odd choice given what else could have taken its place. And though competent, it sure was no amazing feat of direction, so Stephen Daldry's nomination is also a bit mystifying. I'm of the opinion that Milk is also wildly overrated (I watched it twice, just to be sure). The good performances kind of hide the fact that the movie isn't really about anything and its screenplay is actually rather weak. (Trust me.) But the nominations it got were not surprising.

Frozen River pulled a few surprise punches, and I actually haven't seen it. I certainly don't begrudge Melissa Leo her Best Actress nomination, but why didn't they kick out Angelina Jolie in favor of Golden Globe winner Sally Hawkins for Happy-Go-Lucky? Nobody liked Changeling, anyway. Richard Jenkins was a somewhat pleasant surprise (he was on my short-list awhile back, but I figured the buzz had cooled). No surprises in the Screenplay category, save Frozen River again (no Woody Allen...hmm). The Dark Knight got surprisingly little love. And Kate Winslet as Best Actress for The Reader? I thought she was up for a Supporting Actress Award for that one and Best Actress for Revolutionary Road? Who are these mysterious people who absolutely adored The Reader? I love how the Academy always manages to pick one really conventional movie that pretty much nobody is that passionate about.

This probably makes me sound like I enjoyed The Reader a lot less than I did - it only missed my Top 10 by two slots - but combined with the underwhelming Milk, I have to say the Best Picture category is somewhat of a disappointment this year. Ah well. At least Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, and Slumdog Millionaire are in the running, and Slumdog Millionaire is still the favorite to win anyhow.

And if you must watch my interview, here it is (Part 2): though I for one can't watch it, because it will be too painful and awkward.

Top Fives

Didn't I tell you you'd get sick of hearing me talk about movies?

The Academy Award nominees are announced in the morning. I'll be sure to weigh in. But for now, here are my Top 5 picks in the major categories, in descending order (my favorites on top).

BEST ACTOR
Frank Langella – Frost/Nixon
Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler
Leonardo DiCaprio – Revolutionary Road
Andrew Garfield – Boy A
Sean Penn - Milk

BEST ACTRESS
Sally Hawkins – Happy-Go-Lucky
Kate Winslet – Revolutionary Road
Anne Hathaway – Rachel Getting Married
Meryl Streep – Doubt
Cate Blanchett – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

BEST DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle – Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard – Frost/Nixon
Andrew Stanton – Wall-E
Christopher Nolan – The Dark Knight

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight
Dev Patel – Slumdog Millionaire
Peter Mullen – Boy A
Tom Cruise – Tropic Thunder
Michael Shannon – Revolutionary Road

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Rosemarie DeWitt – Rachel Getting Married
Penelope Cruz – Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Debra Winger – Rachel Getting Married
Taraji P. Henson – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Amy Adams – Doubt

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Jenny Lumet – Rachel Getting Married
Woody Allen – Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Mike Leigh – Happy-Go-Lucky
Andrew Stanton & Jim Reardon – Wall-E
Martin McDonagh – In Bruges

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Simon Beaufoy – Slumdog Millionaire
Peter Morgan – Frost/Nixon
Eric Roth – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Justin Haythe – Revolutionary Road
John Patrick Shanley – Doubt

(Obviously, my pics for Best Picture are the Top 5 in my Top 10 list.)

Many of the above have no shot in hell of actually being nominated in the morning, though for once, many of my favorites actually are Top Contenders (unlike the last two years, when Zodiac and United 93 were all but shut out of major awards.) Just for fun, I'll wager a guess as to the five movies that will be nominated for Best Picture, ranked from likeliest to least likely:

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE DARK KNIGHT
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

The 4th and 5th slots are very tentative. Though nominated by the Golden Globes, The Reader doesn't have much of a critical or commercial following. Golden Globe Best Picture (Comedy) winner Vicky Cristina Barcelona is probably a little too slight for the Oscars. Milk has a fighting chance but may be too niche to pull a Picture nod, instead getting a more deserved nomination for Sean Penn's performance. The Wrestler is a favorite of many critics and also has a strong actor garnering a lot of buzz, but it too might be too small to be considered anything but a dark horse. Ditto for Doubt, Happy-Go-Lucky, and Rachel Getting Married - the leading ladies will be nominated, the films themselves will not be. And though Wall-E is beloved by all, its assured nomination for Best Animated Feature will most likely cancel out a Best Picture nod.

That leaves The Dark Knight, the 2nd highest grosser of all time. Hollywood loves money, and nominating a blockbuster will ensure more viewers for the telecast. As for the final nominee, it's anyone's guess. Revolutionary Road hasn't been hugely popular with critics, but it has the right pedigree and just may squeak by on Winslet's buzz, the prestige of all involved, and the Kate-and-Leo factor. If not, expect The Wrestler, Milk, or Wall-E to fill the slot. I'd put my money on The Wrestler.

You Haven't Heard The Last of Me.

Lest anyone challenge my authority on the year's top films, one thing I like to do is rank EVERY movie I see in a given year, so that you all know I've chosen the films I've chosen from a very wide-ranging pool of movies. So ranked in order from best to worst, here are all 70 2008 movies I saw:

1. Slumdog Millionaire
2. Frost/Nixon
3. Wall-E
4. Rachel Getting Married
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
6. Revolutionary Road
7. The Dark Knight
8. Boy A
9. Happy-Go-Lucky
10. Iron Man
11. The Wrestler
12. The Reader
13. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
14. Let the Right One In
15. In Bruges
16. Doubt
17. Tropic Thunder
18. Battle in Seattle
19. Tell No One
20. Reprise
21. Milk
22. Mister Foe
23. The Visitor
24. Priceless
25. The Wackness
26. The Duchess
27. Snow Angels
28. The Edge of Heaven
29. The Bank Job
30. Wendy & Lucy
31. Trick R Treat
32. Sex and the City
33. Cloverfield
34. Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist
35. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
36. Pineapple Express
37. American Teen
38. My Blueberry Nights
39. Quantum of Solace
40. Burn After Reading
41. The Orphanage
42. Son of Rambow
43. Paranoid Park
44. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
45. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
46. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
47. Definitely, Maybe
48. Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day
49. Baby Mama
50. Valkyrie
51. The House Bunny
52. Never Back Down
53. Charlie Bartlett
54. Smart People
55. Brideshead Revisited
56. Married Life
57. The Fall
58. Hancock
59. Australia
60. Savage Grace
61. The X-Files: I Want To Believe
62. Funny Games
63. Synechdoche, New York
64. The Day the Earth Stood Still
65. Untraceable
66. Wanted
67. Eagle Eye
68. The Life Before Her Eyes
69. The Happening
70. Pretty Bird

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Top Ten Films of 2008

1. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE – Who’d have guessed that Slumdog Millionaire would clean up so many major awards at the Golden Globes? Or that it’d be the frontrunner for a Best Picture Academy Award? Nobody – at least, not until recently. Slumdog Millionaire isn’t the kind of movie people make thinking they’ll get an Oscar, which makes its success all the more rewarding. It’s hard to think of a director besides Danny Boyle who could have captured the energy of Mumbai in such an authentic way – I cringe to think of so many other directors tackling this material and glossing it up, Hollywood-style. It takes a rough-around-the-edges auteur like Boyle to bring such an incredible story to life, and that he does. The film is fully alive in every frame, from the cinematography to the music to the performances (mostly by unknown-to-America Indian actors). What American audiences can connect to is the all-too-familiar music and format of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” The cheesy televised game show is a ridiculous extreme to the orphaned boys’ tough childhood on the streets. Slumdog Millionaire what you’d get if you crossed Regis Philbin with an Eastern Charles Dickens and added a dose of Scorsese. It makes no compromises and fits no mold – it’s unlike any movie that has come before it. No concession has been made to make it more palatable to the average moviegoers who made Paul Blart: Mall Cop the top-grossing January opener of all time, but against all odds, Slumdog Millionaire is winning audiences over because it is fresh, genuine, and original. Let that be a lesson. While Slumdog Millionaire does depict some darker moments – crime, torture, child prostitution – the overall tone is light; it's a fun, feel-good movie. (So there. After choosing Zodiac, United 93, and Crash as my previous #1's, I've finally lightened up!) Hopefully Slumdog Millionaire’s success means more daring, less conventional films will have an easier time finding support in the future. No need to ask the audience or phone a friend - it looks like Slumdog’s underdog-gets-lucky story is about to be mirrored in real life at the Academy Awards.

2. FROST/NIXON – It’s unlikely that even the real Richard Nixon was quite as fascinating and complicated as the man portrayed in Ron Howard’s searing drama, which is a credit to writer Peter Morgan and especially to Frank Langella’s dynamic depiction of Tricky Dick. (Morgan wrote the stage play, which Langella also starred in.) Frost/Nixon plays with history a bit, giving us an insight into America’s most-despised president (until recently, anyway) – though we have no way of knowing how accurate that insight is. It doesn’t matter. The showdown between Nixon and Aussie TV host David Frost makes for some fascinating drama, an underdog-against-all-odds story in which the stakes are truth, justice, and all that other stuff Americans hold in such high regard. (Funny, that it takes an outsider to finally hold an American president accountable for his actions.) Michael Sheen gives a compelling performance as the man who inexplicably risks everything on a TV interview, but it’s Langella who steals the show, commanding the screen no matter what he’s doing. (Amazing, considering that most of Langella’s more subtle work here would not have come across on stage – he must have had to totally reinvent his performance.) With help from Morgan’s complex study of the man, Langella makes Nixon an even more larger-than-life persona than he already is, lending credibility to moments and dialogue that might sound theatrical coming from a less capable actor. The movie never hits a false note – just plenty of great ones.

3. WALL-E – A truly visionary piece of work, Wall-E manages to be a crowd-pleasing family film while featuring two robotic leads who have little conventional dialogue and at the same time delivering a not-so-subtle environmental message. No small feat. Here, Pixar’s usual visual razzle-dazzle is matched by a story that feels just as groundbreaking as the animation. It should come as no surprise that these talented animators are able to make a love story between two robots not only feel credible, but also incredibly moving, but even so, Wall-E takes romance to a new height using a starry backdrop and repurposing the soundtrack to Hello, Dolly! (Recycling – how green.) More than just a clever adventure, Wall-E dares to challenge its viewers by pointing a finger back at them, depicting humans as lazy and easily distracted, if ultimately good-natured and strong-willed. It’s a highly entertaining cautionary tale – and hey, it’s never too early to get kids to think about saving the planet. But Wall-E would have no right to challenge us had the movie not raised the bar on itself: by exploring uncharted territory for family-friendly fare, elevating the ideas and emotions in an animated feature to infinity and beyond.

4. RACHEL GETTING MARRIED – The awkward title sets the offbeat tone for this intimate family drama, in which the characters feel so lived-in it’s hard to believe you’re not sitting there with them. (As if to prove that point, a couple sequences are frustratingly long, giving us a hint of the boredom we might feel if we actually were at the wedding. When the dancing starts, feel free to get up and refill your popcorn, go to the bathroom, validate your parking – it goes on awhile.) More than that, though, Rachel Getting Married features some of the best performances of the year, most unlikely to be recognized by the Academy. There’s plenty of buzz around Anne Hathaway, who we watch like a train that’s about to derail at any moment (and rest assured, it eventually does). But just as good are Rosemarie DeWitt, phenomenal as the titular Rachel, who inhabits the role so well she feels like your own sister, and Debra Winger in a briefer but no less acute appearance as the girls’ distant mother (in the film’s most electrifying scene, she’s the one that causes the aforementioned train wreck). Jenny Lumet’s observant screenplay and Jonathan Demme’s fly-on-the-wall direction deserve equal credit for pulling off this sharp character study that captures family drama in a way that few other films have managed.

5. THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON – A curious case, indeed – the big studio movie that boldly explores themes like mortality without playing it safe or laying on the sap. It’s easy to imagine Ron Howard, Robert Zemeckis, or even Steven Spielberg going astray with this material – tugging the heartstrings a few too many times, getting caught up in the sweeter moments. David Fincher, on the other hand, turns out to be the perfect director for this brand of magic realism, not only because of his mastery of the film’s astounding aging and anti-aging effects – but also because of the darkness and gravity of his ouvre, the weight he lends this subject matter. He doesn’t add saccharine to the film’s examination of what it means to get older, or the inherent tragedy that is (for Benjamin and for all of us) the inevitable decline back toward a state of infancy. As an elderly Cate Blanchett takes care of Benjamin in his final years, as a young boy and finally a baby, Fincher makes the heartbreaking point that the nature of love changes as we age, too – the lovers of our youths might end up serving as nurses and mother figures when we’re once again feeble-minded and helpless. At nearly three hours, Benjamin Button doesn’t feel long at all – in fact, spanning the entirety of a man’s life just makes you want to see more of every moment. (I could have done with a little less childhood and a little more of Benjamin’s later life, and not just because that Brad is just so pretty.) A Hurricane Katrina backdrop and the casting of mega star Pitt lend an extra air of despair – if not even Brad Pitt can escape getting old and less hunky, what hope is there for the rest of us?

6. REVOLUTIONARY ROAD – Kate & Leo! Together! Surviving! Living happily ever…oh, wait, no. This is not a love story. It’s a hate story – or rather, a story in which we watch love dissolve and eventually succumb to hatred, as “the American dream” strangles a young couple’s more intimate, individual dreams. If Revolutionary Road doesn’t exactly break any new ground in portraying the suburbs as a place where brittle happy facades just barely cover secret longings and infidelities (see Little Children and American Beauty, for starters), it certainly delves even deeper into the loneliness, the sacrifice, the misery, the hunger for more…the dark heart of suburban America. By using the iconic 50’s as the backdrop – a time we’re more likely to associate with smiling housewives and happy-go-lucky husbands returning home from a hard day’s work than the very modern-sounding quarrels these two have – Revolutionary Road is all the more shattering in showing the perfunctory dysfunction at the core of America’s standard way of living, and the hardships faced by those who even dare to dream they’ll break out of it. Sam Mendes echoes his sublime American Beauty as he directs wife Kate Winslet and her best friend Leonardo DiCaprio in tackling uglier extremes than they’ve been asked to explore. Kinda aakes the death-by-hypothermia conclusion of Titanic's lovestruck duo seem like the happier ending after all.

7. THE DARK KNIGHT – Why so serious? The titular darkness of Chris Nolan’s Gothic drama makes Tim Burton’s Batman films seem as light and frivolous as, well, Joel Schumaker’s. (Though I still say nothing beats the Bat, the Cat, and the Penguin in Batman Returns.) In a twist that shocked everybody, turns out the public likes their superhero movies pitch-black, thought-provoking, and “so serious,” so much so that a comic book action hero sequel became the second-highest grossing film of all time, trailing behind Titanic. With its near-epic running time and emphasis on tortured souls and tragic character arcs, The Dark Knight is given a scope more akin to The Godfather than Spider-Man (if not quite the nuance or gravitas). Of course, what pulls it together is Heath Ledger’s magnificent turn as The Joker – there’s no way he’s not winning the Oscar. There will almost certainly be another Batman film, but unfortunately there will never be another one with a performance quite like his. The Dark Knight is a cinematic milestone that may allow for more big budget blockbusters to be moody, thought-provoking and, hey, perhaps even Oscar-worthy. Holy golden statuette, Batman!

8. BOY A – Andrew Garfield is superb as Jack, a likable 24-year old guy experiencing young adult life for the first time, all at once: his first job, first date, first kiss, first alcoholic beverage, and so on. The reason: he’s been in prison since childhood for murdering a young girl. (Just what his involvement is isn’t shown until near the end of the film, but the film doesn’t let him off the hook too easily.) His parole contact Terry serves as mentor and father figure, guiding Jack through everything from losing his virginity to ordering a meal in a restaurant for the first time – and he’s the only person in Jack’s life who knows that he’s really the child killer known as “Boy A” that the media's been hunting. With insightful flashbacks, skilled direction, and all-around solid performances, Boy A is quiet and unsensational given the subject matter, even when the new life we’ve watched Jack build suddenly collapses like a house of cards around him in the film’s tragic denoument.

9. HAPPY-GO-LUCKY – Mike Leigh’s virtually plotless character study of a woman named Poppy has been classified as a comedy – which might be accurate, since there are quite a bit of funny moments throughout. Just watching Sally Hawkins awkward, borderline-obnoxious (in a good way) performance is bound to provoke laughter – but what I found while watching it is that I laughed in places others did not, and vice versa. It’s all because this unique film refuses to take any conventional paths, instead challenging viewers to spend two hours with a very cheerful woman who has the most positive of attitudes…and wrestle over their feelings of whether or not they want to punch her in the face. It brings up questions about our own happiness – and how much happiness in others we’re willing to tolerate. Does human nature go against being blissfully content? Golden Globe-winner Sally Hawkins has a well-deserved good shot at an Oscar for Best Actress, which ought to give her something else to smile about.

10. IRON MAN – Two superhero movies in my Top 10? Must’ve been a rough year for drama! While artsier fare like The Wrestler fought for the tenth slot on my list, something about putting Iron Man here just felt right. Robert Downey Jr.’s performance is every bit as crucial to this film as Mickey Rourke’s is to The Wrestler, but you can see that everybody involved did their part to elevate this material above the mediocrity that bogs down pretty much every other comic book movie. Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts is particularly winsome – I hope they find a way to keep the same sparkle in her relationship with Tony Stark in the sequel. I admire Iron Man for fulfilling its genre obligations while also being a movie that smart people with good taste can enjoy. Given the pressures on mega-budget films like this, Jon Favreau must be commended for proving that in a blockbuster, big need not necessarily be synonymous with dumb. Now keep it up!

From bird vomit to eyebrows from hell

At first, I thought nothing could be more horrific that the idea of surviving for 20+ days at sea on bird vomit and salt water. But then I came across this fellow.

His name is Si Burgher and he is famous for one reason - 3-inch long eyebrows that he had to comb every morning. They look like retired venus fly traps gone to Jesus just above his spectacles. How he can live like that, and visit upon others the terror of dealing with them, I'll never know.

Maybe the birds in X's post were puking because they saw this guy.

Anyway, thankfully this man turned furry horror into something honorable when he raised $1600 by allowing people to cut his eyebrows.

It makes me wonder - what else can we fundraise for that benefits us as much as it does the fundraisee?

What about that dude at the bar with the breath that smells like rotting duck eggs? $100 for each person who wants to drown him in a bucket of Listerine? Or that guy with the unibrow? Or that guy you're seeing who doesn't seem the least bit interested in manscaping? Just think, suddenly you can turn what would normally be considered an insult into an opportunity to help others!

Barack and Roll

Last night, X. commented on Obama's obvious celebrity status. How can we not see it? The media attention? The shirtless beach photos? The love he's earned from all the rest of America's celebrities. All he's missing now is a musical written about him.

Oh, wait. He just got one of those too:
Barack Obama hasn’t been president one full day and he has already inspired a new musical. “Obama On My Mind,” a musical with book, music and lyrics by Teddy Hayes, will make its premiere at the Hens and Chickens Theater in Islington, a borough of London, in March, Playbill.com reported. According to a news release, the show will take a “humorous look at the weird and wonderful world behind the scenes of a small Obama campaign office and the larger than life characters who make the wheels turn, the cogs whirr and bring in the votes.” The musical will feature a mixture of pop, rock, gospel and jazz songs; it is scheduled to begin performances on March 3 and make its official opening on March 5, before concluding its run on March 21.
I'm not sure which is funnier: that BO ALREADY has his own musical, or that it's playing at a venue called "the Hens and Chickens Theater." Hopefully they won't ask Obama to sing for it though. For all the things he does well, singing isn't one of them:



Someone find me videos of this! I'd love to fly to London and see it, but I simply can't afford to. Well, there's always hoping that it comes to off-bway!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Sea Sick


"Vomiting birds save icebox pair adrift for 25 days"

The article itself really says it all, but I really hope I'm never so hungry that I owe my life to two birds who came by and threw up in my icebox.

Speechless


With the ridiculous flurry of media coverage and specials - including the Jonas Brothers and Beyonce performing in honor of the President's inauguration - it's as clear as ever: Barack Obama is a celebrity. I suppose it was inevitable, but it's nice to see that he handles it with dignity and doesn't really buy into the hype. His speech was definitely that of a politican, not of a sudden media star.

I'd like to say more, but with all the exhaustive media coverage and everyone else talking about it too, I can't think of anything that could possibly be fresh or enlightening. It's a historic day - because of Obama, and because for once I have nothing to say.

Still, it was pretty cool, less for Obama's speech or any of the pomp and circumstance, and more just for seeing the enormity and unity of the crowd, the hopeful mood of the people, and the restoration of what our capitol, the presidency, and our country are meant to stand for - which we'd all forgotten at some point over the last 8 or 12 or however many years. It's just so great to see someone we like going into the White House.

Justin Plus Fun #1

I'm starting a new posting series here on J+1. In Justin Plus Fun, I'll give you my personal recommendations on what to spend your hard-earned money on. As a solid Capricorn, I have a very intimate connection with my money, and therefore know what is worth it, and what is not.

When something gets credit on J+Fun, you have my guarantee it's worth your time and coin. And when something gets shamed on J+Fun... well... consider it a leper that should be avoided at all costs.

Here we go!


Justin Plus Fun in Film:

What you should see: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
I just caught this doozy over the weekend with a group of trusted friends (Kristin, Melissa, Mikey, Ricky and Ryan.) WOW! Expect to cry - happy and sad. Expect to want to vomit at least three times (especially if you have poop issues).

Expect to hate and love and cover your eyes from time to time. Danny Boyle brings you a high-octane, cute, horrifying, and energized film that (while promoted as indy) is completely UN-indy. But, as a mainstream movie - it's one of the best I've seen this year.

What you shouldn't see: My Bloody Valentine 3D
I can't tell you from a personal perspective that this movie is terrible. But I can tell you that my friends left the theater bloody... with guts pouring from their eyes. Then again, if you willingly go to see a movie called "My Bloody Valentine," you're expecting a blood-soaked shit stain.

I don't know the movie at all. I imagine it has something to do with valentines and gore. And, frankly, Valentine's Day is bloody enough. If I want a bloody and horrific 3D valentine's experience, I'd cheat on my boyfriend, and give him a ball-peen hammer before I tell him what I did.


Justin Plus Fun in Theater:


What you should see: You're Welcome, America
I have always loved Will Ferrell. And yes, I know that his Dubya impersonation is not much like the real Dubya at all. That doesn't matter. The slight drawl and attitude Ferrell adopts to play our 43rd President allows for perfect comic timing, and invites us to laugh away the horrors of the past 8 years.

From the first moment when Dubya is lowered to the stage by a helicopter, telling us the joke is on him because he said "hey, since we're flying over New York, why not drop me in the faggy theater district?" you know you are in for a fantastic night.

Any fears you have that Ferrell may not be able to keep his Dubya funny for longer than a five-minute sketch are absurd and unnecessary. He carries the show expertly from beginning to end. And the show, itself, has much besides Will to love - including a break dancing secret service man, three huge screens for multimedia presentations, a sexy dancing Condi Rice, a shoe-throwing audience shill, and a gruesome shot of a limp penis that constantly appears (I'm not kidding).

The show is only open for 8 weeks... so I suggest you get your tickets NOW.

What you shouldn't see: Hedda Gabler
If Pal Joey was strike one for this year's Roundabout season, then Hedda Gabler is strikes 2 and 3 (okay... I'll STILL see Godot, even though these two shows sucked something fierce). A friend of mine texted me two days after I saw this play, saying "Is Hedda worth 20 dollars?" I quickly responded: "She isn't worth a fucking penny."

There is nothing to like about this Hedda. Mary-Louise Parker does nothing for the character. The translation and adaptation do nothing for the already maligned story. The acting does nothing for the characters. The strange between-scene set dances do nothing for nothing. And the direction does nothing for human decency.

When you see Hedda, you are seeing a show that got so caught up in being arty that it went to hell with itself. Nonsense abounds. This Hedda doesn't come across as crazy so much as she seems bored to tears. The lines are written in wood and delivered by marionettes who stand completely across the stage from each other and scream so they can be heard.

Sure, there are a few good performances. But nothing stands out. Perhaps the next adaptation needs to reconsider their female lead. Choose someone better to play the role. How about a turkey? (Hedda Gobbler?).

Point is, you can't stage Hedda Gabbler without a flawless Hedda. And not only is this Hedda flawed in all the ways she shouldn't be, but everything working with her is too weak to soften the blow.