Justin: Brit + Brit + Brit = 3

First she sang a song that was a thinly veiled reference to getting fucked. Now she's alluding to threeways? Maybe Britney has found a new path to number one singles: double entendres and first-grade-classroom wordplay!

Next single? Cunning Linguist maybe.

Or Doomie Upthabut (WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?)

Either way, here's Britney Spears in her new music video, 3. Which looks like a mix between an Estee Lauder commercial and a Lady Gaga video before they turn the green screen on.

Justin: I'm gonna write til my ass bleeds

Jeremy,

First off. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA OLD COOT! I don't care what any calendar says, I find it impossible to believe that you are 30 years old. WHAT? You look younger than me and I'm 27! Some people have all the luck, I guess.

Anyway, I sent you a link to this the other day... or, rather I left it on your Facebook. Given how excellently you write, I think you should seriously consider joining me, boyfriend Joe, and hundreds of thousands of other people around the world this November for NaNoWriMo, also known as National Novel Writing Month.

I have done this once before, and I am excited to be doing it once more. The conceit is simple: you commit to write a novel in one month. 50,000 words in 30 days. That's just under 1,700 words a day. It's not THAT rough.

Joe and I are currently hatching some sort of combined NaNoWriMo... where we BOTH write 50,000 word novels, but find some way for our characters to connect throughout the pieces. Not sure how this will end up working... but that's the way NaNo goes! You just fly by the seat of your pants and write like a banshee (a writing banshee that is) until your ass bleeds, you're crying blood, and your loved ones call the cops thinking you are dead.

Justin: Zombie Single Ladies!

If Beyonce were dead, would her rendition of Single Ladies be AS AWESOME as this zombified version of MTV's video of the year?

"Hey, zombie Single Ladies, Ima let you finish... but THRILLER was the greatest zombie dance video of all time!"

Sorry. I've never done a Kanye. I had to! It was fun. Now I'm done.

Any way, sure they're no Shane Mercado (or no Beyonce, for that matter). But these zombies sure do have some rhythm in those exposed bones!

Oh, and if you want to know WHY there are zombies dancing at all, it's because of this thing called the Denver Zombie Crawl... it's the 4th annual, too.

That's pretty cool.

xoJR

Jeremy: Well....while you were doing that....

Justin - I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the simpleness of another time and the beauty that really is this production of 'Finian's Rainbow' Maybe one day your sugar addled, coffee injected self can slow down enough to appreciate it for what it is and finally let go of saying things like: "I LOVED Legally Blonde" :)
(I do agree with you on that whole gay dancer thing)

While you were doing that, I had the fortune to see (and yes this is my prediction)the Best Actress in a Play TONY Winner for the 2009-2010 Broadway season: Jan Maxwell.

I had the amazing pleasure to see 'The Royal Family'

I had inhaled deeply as the curtain went up, the set took my breath away. I don't think started breathing again until intermission. The play itself is a ridiculous look into a family of actors, the Cavendishes. The ego and the chewing of scenery that abounds on this stage would seem outright masturbatory in any other setting. With these actors though, they know how to do it.

Jan sealed it for me in the second act (there are three), when she has a monologue that rivals that of Amy Morton's second act closer in 'August:Osage County'

Overall A VERY enjoyable production that kept me riveted from beginning to end. Laughing with tears in my eyes. Another example of how 'old theatre' can thrive and still be relevant in today's times.

Justin: Sharecroppers Don't Stand in 5th Position

Jeremy,

I have just returned from seeing Finian's Rainbow with Boyfriend Joe. First off, I need to say: this is a very bad show. Not this production, lord knows they tried their best.

Nay, I must say that FINIAN'S RAINBOW the ACTUAL PLAY is broken in so many ways. I won't begin to list them. I'll leave that to the critics who will have at it like speed-injected vultures at a corpse orgy.

Suffice it to say that I am assuming that IF this play survives the recession, it will be because of future 30 Rock cast member, Cheyenne Jackson, and nothing else.

Anyway, my big beef that I will dwell on presently is an issue that I'm finding more and more on the great white way: and that is gay dancers. Now, clearly I have no problem with gay dancers. They are hot. I want to make babies with their faces. Most others do, too.

No, what I mean is that gay dancers these days have been gaying it up a bit too much for their parts. Tonight, for instance, Boyfriend Joe and I watched a disgruntled, malnourished, supposedly unhappy southern Sharecropper do one of the most elegant pas de deux we have ever seen in our lives.

Think I'm kidding? See here:



Gay dancers, take note! If you're playing a straight character who by definition must be straight, you need to not dance so elegantly and fabulously. Be you a sharecropper, a lumberjack, a soldier, or a monkey in the land of Dr. Seuss, perhaps you shouldn't be popping and/or locking with such bravado.

Just because you grab the nearest set of tits and dip them in what you think is an amorous embrace does NOT make you straight. Clumsiness makes you straight. Slightly closed eyes make you straight. Pit stains make you straight (but these are not preferred).

There should be straight dancing classes in dance schools I think. Just something quick and easy at the end of the semester that teach you how to temporarily unlearn all of the grace you've picked up over the months.

xoJR

The Tower of Babel

I've been waffling all day about what to write about and then just said - WRITE.

So, I have two stories:

1.) When my throuple and I were living together, we decided to watch the movie 'Babel'. Somehow or other the subtitles got turned off and we watched half the movie, in other languages before going to bed. The entire time, we were in awe at the genius of the movie that we could still understand the action & what was going on through the language barrier...we were slightly dismayed and relieved the next day to find that indeed the subtitles were in the movie.

2.) I work with two people who are immigrants to this country. Raymond from China and Gina from Ecuador. Both are some of the nicest people I have met, but they have trouble with English. In an effort to educate myself and maybe to help them I've asked them to teach me some simple phrases in their native languages so that we can converse.

Raymond has taught me how to count to ten, say hello & good night, thank you & your welcome - and the wonderful phrase: 'I am very busy' - all in Mandarin

Gina has rekindled my limited knowledge in Spanish and forces me (in the best way) to practice greeting her & asking how she is .

This morning after a rousing 'Como Estas'? from me - Gina walked in my office and said, with a huge grin: VERY FINE - THANK YOU!

I smiled wide, which transcended language.

Justin: Why Muhlenberg wants their teams to fail

This past weekend, boyfriend Joe and I were watching college football. The fightin' Irish versus the Boston College Bahstiners (or whatever the team is called.) In between make out sessions (that we did both because we wanted to, and because it seemed ironic that two gay men get it on with college sports in the background), we marveled at the whole dog and pony show.

These guys were celebrities - being watched by thousands and thousands around the United States. They had big photos of their faces and special effects that made it look like first down markers were painted on the fields.

I told boyfriend Joe that I had never experienced anything like this, because my alma mater was Muhlenberg College.

Now let me say here: I LOVE Muhlenberg College. I got an amazing education there, met awesome people there, and stayed in some of the best dorms probably available to any college kid anywhere.

But man oh man do our sports teams suck. Sure they win a lot, but we are what is known as Division III. That's the lowest of the low. Where Division I guys get ESPN and broadcast cable coverage, special effects, and tons of camera crews, we get our communication club with their Sony Handicams and a guy selling bottles of water from a cooler on the sidelines.

And why, many ask, did Muhlenberg's teams suck so terribly? Why weren't we in the big leagues with... well other big leagues? I fault one huge thing: our fucking mascot.

We are the Muhlenberg Mules.

I wish I were making this up.

It's something someone would joke about: "Oh man! You go to MYOO-LENBERG!? MUHLENBERG!? What's your team? The MUHLENBERG MULES!?"

"Yes, actually that is the name of our team."

"I! Oh... damn. That sucks man... sorry."

"Yeah, thanks. It's okay. We're dealing."

Seriously folks. I know the name of our college (damn you, General Muhlenberg!) begs that we name our team the mules. But Notre Dame doesn't have the Notre Dame Dames. And Emerson doesn't have The Emerson Ralph Waldo Emersons.

So why do we need to stand behind a smelly animal that is known for being stubborn, smelly, fly-ridden, ill-tempered, and obnoxious? How do we threaten our foes?

"BEWARE! IF YOU DON'T STAY AWAY WE MAY KICK YOU! ... ASSUMING THAT YOU'RE STANDING DIRECTLY BEHIND US AND DON'T HAVE A TIN CAN TO BRIBE US WITH!"

And I won't even get into my rant on our local Internet service: MuleNet. Because if there's anything slower than a Mule, it is a Mule that is trapped in a net. Which is EXACTLY the visual you'd want for an Internet service.

There's GOT TO be a different mascot/animal we can get behind... right?

Any suggestions would be welcome. I'll forward them right on to the Dean of Muhlenberg College.

xoJR

Jeremy: Hey! Look at the dead guy

People are OUTRAGED at this ad:


Frankly, I don't understand what the big deal is. If anything it's an send up to a great comedic moment. Remember 'Tommy Boy' that movie is HILARIOUS!! I mean should we write Barnes & Nobles and ask them to please stop using Sir William Shakepseare in their ads? Seriously?

I have a really good friend who deals with dead celebrites and their estates. He's like the Ari Gold of dead people, only not as mouthy and has never gotten mercury poisioning. There is a shitload of money in 'dead celebirty' advertising and most of the estates give the money to charity.

Anyway - what are your thoughts? offensive? not?

Jeremy: The Trouble with T.V.

My Name is Jeremy

I am a recovering TV addict - for serious.

Years ago, I DVR'd (cause I was too cheap to pay for TiVo) EVERYTHING. I was obsessed with the lives of Dorothy Zbornak, Will Truman, Meredith Grey, Betty Suarez, Sally Field and her family, Joan of Arcadia (don't judge), Sydney Bristow, Det. Brenda Lee Johnson...the list could go on and on not to mention the NUMEROUS reality TV shows

I moved in with somebody (non-romanticaly) whose TV interest didn't match mine, got busy and slowly but surely TV faded away as a priority.

Yesterday I was working from home and decided since I could I would watch 'Nurse Jackie'. I find this show engaging and normally not a Edie Falco fan - she's kinda amazing (better though I think is Anna Deavere-Smith and amazing to look at is Haaz Sleiman)...but I digress. After watching 3 episodes I didn't want to overdose, I decided to watch some of what my NEW roomates had taped.

Modern Family, Glee, Grey's Anatomy... 3 shows I've been told by numerous people I MUST watch, so I did.

My problem I found at the end of these shows is I really didn't care about anyone. It all seemed so contrived and surface. I could go on but this entry is LONG enough.

What do you watch? Is it worth the time investment? Do you have an emotional reaction?

Justin: What would you rather eat?

On the heels of Jeremy's post yesterday on the popularity of slutty costumes in New York City, and even more specifically, the gay community, I figured I would stick with the Halloween theme in today's first post.

But, first, I want to say that Boyfriend Joe and I are trying to somehow come up with a pretentious/ ridiculous couples costume. Our current idea is to go dressed as the two versions of the Public Option healthcare bill currently in Congress - the Opt-Out version and the Trigger version. But we're not stopping there. We somehow want to make these Slutty public option costumes.

You think about that and come back to us with any ideas you may have.

NO! That's not what this post is about. This post is about what Halloween is REALLY for: lots and lots of candy. Sure we show skin in hopes of getting laid but, as a former Fat Kid, I know that I'm really wearing it to get candy.

Granted, getting candy Trick or Treating was a lot more exciting as a kid, because you didn't have money and couldn't hop in the car to go to the store and BUY candy (at least not without killing pedestrians and getting your parents arrested for gross negligence.) But that's beside the point.

I want to know:

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY?

Go ahead! Don't be scared. Leave a comment here and let's get a debate going on the merits of nougat, caramel, and crispy innards.

I'll start by cheating: I don't love just one specific type of candy. No, rather, I'm a huge fan of Reese's anything. Seriously. Take 5. Cups. Pieces. Smooth. Inside Out. Cremes. Condoms (no? not yet? pity.)

Point is: slather peanut butter on anything and it'll be in my mouth before you put the jar away.

...don't take advantage of that fact, mmkay?

xoJR

Jeremy: Halloween Continued

In response to Justin's HILARIOUS post about femme halloween costumes. I'd like to offer a bit more, perhaps a theory...and pose the question - What are you wearing?

Halloween was always celbrated in my house! I epsecially loved it because it also mean my birthday was near, it being the day before.

I LOVED dressing up for Halloween but it was always masculine-type costumes: GI Joe, Karate Kid, a Cowboy etc. This lasted until I deemed I was 'too old' for trick or treating.

What I find funny as I go further into adult hood is how I've come back around to the idea of dressing up but in all reality it mostly consists of a scrap or two of fabric. I'm not quite sure when that shift happened for me from sweet to slut but boy did it - and ANY excuse to take my shirt off or better yet not wear one at all. I feel the 'slutty' costume idea is in full effect all over this great city

This year my best friend from college is coming and we're going as Demons.
My outfit: a pair of combat boots, lil black shorts with laces up the front, a pair of horns and some black make up. Mom would be so proud

Justin: How to Dress Up Your Faggy Acting Son for Halloween!

I'm sure I should be offended. REALLY I know I should be. But The Onion is just so god-damned funny and I know that they mean well.

In this video, their fake talk show welcomes on a woman who teaches parents how to convincingly dress up their gay-acting sons to avoid embarrassment.

It makes me think of when I insisted to my mother that I be Michael Jackson from his Bucharest concert tour... too soon? Maybe. Too gay? You bet your ass.

xoJR


How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

Justin: Are you ASKING for a Gay Orgy?

I just needed to quickly air my grievances about some misleading advertising. I came across this banner advertisement on the blog Queerty (which I regular read and pitch stories to). The first thing, believe it or not, that caught my eyes was NOT the near naked men ogling each other.

No, it was the logo "THEhotel," followed by the ogling oglers. Why? Because I had BEEN to THEhotel, it's the neighboring obelisk right beside Mandalay Bay casino in Las Vegas. Seeing this logo, paired with two men about to lock in a slobbering 69 registered as odd to me.

Why was Mandalay Bay and their classy establishment, theHOTEL advertising gay sex? Did Mandalay Bay open up a GAY STEAM ROOM at the hotel? Surely, the name BATHHOUSE certainly led one to expect that there would be rooms full of rump-rapture to be found.

Of course I clicked on the ad (no judgment).

What did I find? Lube recommendations? Videos of 88-ways? Not quite. The description of the BATHHOUSE reads as:

Simple elegance defines the elite bathhouse spa. The healing, cleansing and rejuvenation qualities of water, the elixir of life, is highlighted through pools of varying temperatures, exotic baths, and a flowing waterfall.

Unlike any of the spas you'll find in Las Vegas, the bathhouse features uniquely European styling with slate walls, marble floors and breathtaking water features throughout. The 14,000-square-foot spa offers steam rooms and saunas, as well as twelve (12) treatment rooms where you can enjoy massages, wraps and facials. We also offer a full salon and the gym, a complete workout facility.

So it's not a gay sex bathhouse... it's a fucking spa! Of course, this isn't a bad thing. Gay men love their spas. But something tells me that anyone who clicked on this ad were waiting to find out how quickly they could deep dick the toothpick-skinny gaysian in the background. AKA: not delivering on user expectations.

Come on, Mandalay Bay! How could you lead poor, Queerty-reading, undersexed gay men to a page they THINK is for a gay sex bathhouse, only to so-quickly let them down? Nay, I have a better idea. CONTINUE the ruse... make them think it's a bathhouse until they book their stay, their flight, and come out there!

Here, I've already helped you some by doing a quick edit of your web copy... what do you think?

An eternity of erections defines the elite bathhouse spa. The healing, cleansing and rejuvenating qualities of hot, creamy, slightly salty man protein, the elixir of life, is flowing through sweating men of varying size, shape, and kink.

Unlike any of the full-blown orgy houses you'll find in Las Vegas, the bathhouse features uniquely European Europeans with slate wall-like abs, marble-smooth asses and breathtaking water sports skills. The 14,000-square-feet of dick can be enjoyed in steam rooms and saunas, as well as twelve (12) treatment rooms where you can enjoy rectal massages, teabaggings and facials. We also offer a full salon and the gym, a complete workout facility... where you can also fuck.

Sure, it's not Don Draper-quality stuff... but at least it keeps up the act long enough to get someone to click on the "make a reservation" button.

xoJR

A Way Back to Then

Hello J+1 Fans!!

I grew up a child of the 80's and 90's which of course means my first exposure to musicals were the blockbusters of the day: Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables and Miss Saigon, slowly graduating to Rent, Aida and Next to Normal.

I loved and adored this over-synthesized music mostly because is was a departure from 'my parents' musicals like anything Rodgers & Hammerstein, Lerner & Loewe and Cole Porter.

Over time and being involved in musicals I'd come to appreciate even adore some of these musicals where theatre got it's start. One show I NEVER liked was 'South Pacific'...that is until I saw the most recent revival at Lincoln Center. The beauty of that production as transcending. The one thing I was stuck by was the overwhelming beauty and sound of a full orchestra and to hear a score the way it was written

This past week I had the fortune to see 'Finian's Rainbow'. I didn't know the story and was stuck by how amazingly SIMPLE this production is. In it's simplicity was it's beauty. I sat there and watched what a musical should be, no huge productions, simple sets, amazing dance numbers and a beautiful story strung together with stirring music.

It really made me wonder why we've gotten SO far away from it. I think think the bottom line is that when you have a good story, beautiful music - all else will come together. The flash and shizam we see today is simply a distraction from where the writers lack (i.e. Legally Blonde, Spring Awakening and any other slew of jukebox musicals)....oh a way back to then

Meet Jeremy Ritz!

Oh this is an exciting one. I'm very excited to introduce you all to my newest Plus One - Jeremy Ritz. Jeremy is what I'd like to call a "Long time reader, first time Plus One-r." He's been reading this blog for a long time, while blogging on his own for a long time... but never have we crossed paths and blogged together.

UNTIL NOW (dun dun dunnnnn!)

So everyone, please welcome Jeremy. He's an Astorian, an actor, a singer, a dancer. And yes, last time I checked, he's available... and HIS BIRTHDAY'S THIS WEEKEND!

I mean... it's a very important week for Jeremy, and I'm happy to be sharing it with him, at least in a digital sense.

Welcome aboard, boyo. Best of luck :)

xoJR


My Name:
Jeremy Ritz

My Location:
New York NY – by way of Astoria

My Site/ Sites: My Facebook

My Blogger

My Livejournal

What I might post about:
New York, Theatre, Madonna, The Gays, The Equality Movement, turning 30

What I love:
Simplicity, Coffee, My Friends, Theatre, New York

What I hate:
Litter, Intolerance,

My Last Word:
I know I’m well above the median age of most of Justin’s co-bloggers & readers but I welcome the opportunity and look forward to spending the week with you!

Matt: Parting Thoughts

So, I saw this interesting thing on line today while looking up possible things to do in Buenos Aires on Halloween. A most likely xpatty douchebag pub crawl had an interesting motto.

Live the Dash.

By which they mean... the dash between the date you're born and the date you die. The variable, but universal span of time each of us has on this planet is in some ways all we have.

So, tomorrow, in order to live my dash, I'm running a 10k race and hoping that I don't die like all of those runners everywhere who are dying in marathons.

Also, I was instructed not to by some people I really love--as good a reason as any to keep extending the dash a little more.

Justin, thank you for asking me to write with you this week. I've always adored you and hope we can hang out in real life (not just on this awesomest of blogs) really soon.

Live the Dash

Matt

Matt: Awesomeness.

Hey people,

Looks like a major victory is on its way...we're about to have hate crimes legislation, federally!


Now all we have to do is secure the rest of our rights...

Justin, you may disagree with me on this, but I think at this point, the best way to win everything is is that we should try to get an amendment made to the Civil Rights act so that all segregation in our laws where dealing with gender differences is hereby abolished, because this would effectively end all ENDA issues, all DOMA, DADT issues and secure our 'protected class' status in other issues.

What do you think?

PS: I think this guy... is really hot:

Justin: I QUIT

It began with a thought yesterday morning. By mid-afternoon it became more of a feeling. And last night, standing in a Starbucks with Boyfriend Joe, I turned to him and said, "okay, I'm going to say this to you because if I don't, I probably won't go through with it."

He eyed me like I was about to tell him I had been sleeping with his roommate (which would be doubly funny since his roommate is a girl.)

I held up my half-smoked pack of cigarettes and said, "this is my last pack of cigarettes. I quit."

And that was it. Why did I quit? Because it's been long enough, I think. And by NOT nagging me and NOT giving me a hard time, Joe, in his silence, has put more pressure on me than all of my family and friends combined.

I have been a smoker since sophomore year of college, with about a year break in the middle before I fell back into the habit. As recently as yesterday I was a pack a day smoker. I chain smoke often. Nothing is better to me than standing outside, book in one hand, cigarettes in the other.

My name is Justin, and I am an addict.

I began my smoking career with camel turkish golds. From there I went to camel turkish gold 100s. From there to parliament lights. To parliament light 100s. Back to parliament lights (because they did a lot of buy 2 get 1 deals last year). To marlboro light 100s (as a silent protest against parliament for when they ended all of those deals.)

My biggest addiction isn't physical, though. It is mental. It is a way for me to say "time out!" on my life, step out of the world, and just stand somewhere. It is something I do while out walking. Every time I would walk out a door, I would light up. When things got too crazy at the bar or club, I would step out. It was an excellent way to meet other people - smokers can usually be so friendly.

My name is Justin, and I wish that there was something non-deadly, more inexpensive thing you could smoke.

Nicotine doesn't make me feel magical. It doesn't cheer me up. It doesn't calm me down. I just like the action - the pulling in a drag, and blowing it out. I like the time out from my day.

But I don't like the price. Here in New York City, a pack of 20 cigarettes costs $10.50. TEN FIFTY. That's more than I spend on meals. That's the same price I spend on dropping off my laundry. And I pay that out the nose EVERY DAY. $74 a week. Almost $300 a month. That's more than $3,600 a year.

On killing myself. And making my clothing stink. And worrying everyone from my family to friends to exes.

So it stops here. I'm not quitting. I quit. That's it. If not now, when? Never. I've put this off for too long. And for what? Wasted money and a disgusting deadly habit.

It ends here. This is Day 1.

And no, I don't feel like I need a cigarette. I'm sure it'll be hard, but I've accomplished harder things. And I'm always down for a challenge.

Matt: Baseball Shmaseball.

So, back at the ranch, or, rather, my boyfriend's apartment, we're sitting with his straight room mates watching The World Series. Alright, so I get it: this is America's past time. We watch it because we love it. We watch it because we worship the people who play it. We watch it because it's sacred to us, like Freedom and Liberty and terrible wealth distribution voted for by misinformed poor people.

But...why?

American's are supposed to have pretty small attention spans, right? How the hell do so many people sit and watch 3 to 4 to 4.5 hour games? I realize, Justin, that this may end up on STFU gays, but, seriously? I really, really can't stand baseball.

1. The outfits are ugly.

2. The pay is out of control. Just look what happens when you type the word 'overpaid' into a google search:

Yeah...that'd be the first suggestion.

3. Baseball players aren't interesting--the most scandalous thing I can remember--and no it's not because I'm gay, well, not JUST because I'm gay, was when A-Rod and Madonna were supposedly shacking up and she kept referring to him as "Alex" which I thought was just ducky..."Alex is a good soul." "Alex is helping me get through my soon to be messy divorce." "Alex is a good side dish."

And, finally... Baseball is boring. As evidenced by... yeah, again, Google:

And for the record, this isn't all sports. I like basketball a lot, actually, and I dig soccer and even went to the US Open this year--which was interesting.

Baseball sucks. And alsoMatt says he's going to break up with me if I don't stop blogging.

And, he's right. I more than made my point, by using arbitrary things I found on the web. I could be a commentator at Fox News!

Sooo....here's a hot guy:

Matt: Let's combat that straight power bullshit.

Hey Justin, great post this morning about the homosexua--I mean Homophobe who writes terrible, terrible, idiotic raps about being, well, the best I can figure, happy to not be gay--I think the lady doth protest too much.

By which I mean that CHARLIE CHECK'M IS GAY.

Anyway, let's cleanse our palates, shall we?

This man is...well, just watch it. The whole thing. It's worth it. And it made me cry.



Seriously. If this man gets it, why can't everyone else?

He needs a humanitarian award. This is what citizenship is about.

Justin: Gay Marriage Opponents Just Got an Anthem

Yesterday I talked about Grocery Store Musical, a funny song that could bring happiness to many. Today I have a different "song" for all of you. One that's certainly got me riled up.

I don't know who Charlie Check'm is, but he needs to shut his fucking mouth and maybe hire a web programmer. I won't say much else. I will say this: he's got a new rap beat out. It's called "No Gay Marriage." It's on an upcoming album of his (available on YouTube!) called Straight Pride.

You don't like it? Maybe you should let others know. Or maybe some funny gays could spoof a "Yes Gay Marriage" YouTube video. I'm looking at you, FIP boys.

Hearing songs like this make me yearn for the days of Heal the World and Man in the Mirror.

No gay marriage? Really? Don't you have anything better to sing about? Oh, wait, you've written dumber numbers like "Dyke Chick", "Controlled by the Pussy," and "Americans are Overweight."

So maybe you have run out of stupid things to write about.

Listen to No Gay Marriage now

Matt: Who you gonna be?

So, I'm sad and not sad.

My boyfriend, the beautiful and brilliant alsoMatt, is sitting to my left right now on a sewing machine working diligently on Halloween costumes for his room mates and himself. They are going to be heard of Amish. AlsoMatt hates the Amish for their failure to teach their children past 5th grade educations. It's one of the few things I have seen him get seriously up in arms about. But he likes their fashion, apparently. He's working on perfecting an in-line pocket and the proper pleats for the shoulders of a shirt. I'm really impressed And jealous beyond belief.

But he is not making a pair of overalls for me. Nor a buckle for my boots.

I'm not going to be in New York for Halloween. This will be the first time since 2005 that I have missed what is, without a doubt, my favorite holiday of the year.

I'll be on vacation with my best friend in Argentina. I know, I know: cry me a river. But seriously. My besty, though closer to me than anyone (including alsoMatt) ought try to be, is so completely different than me on one thing: he really dislikes Halloween, and we're not likely to go out--and certainly not with the kind of flare I'm used to.We both love candy, don't get me wrong, but I think the artifice of Halloween gets him down, me, I *love* it. Especially if I get to be something dirty, gross and evil.

So in honor of the coming holiday and the fact that I'm about to miss the chance at the last Saturday Halloween of my 20's, I'm going to look at some Halloween costumes that I wish I could do (maybe again). You'll notice that my idea of a great Halloween costume is not, as I like to refer to it, Themed Nakedness--as tasty as it is to see some people nearly naked.

First: a blast from the past: Zombie Soccer player.

Imagine, if you dare, this:

plus this:

The result was so awesome. And it won me 6th place at the costume contest at the largest gay bar in Hong Kong (Propaganda--it's really fun), the spoils of which were a magnum of Moet.

Second: Megaman.

I've always wanted to dress up like megaman, but It's never happened.
This guy does a shitty job. I think I could do better

Third, and perhaps the holy grail of Halloweenness (for me, anyway)...Twoface:

It combines costuming skill (the effective cutting and sewing of a full two-sided suit), and gory makeup, something I'm quite fond of. My best friend's brother actually did an amazing job of this a few years ago, but I'd love to spend a few weeks perfecting it for myself someday. Someday. *sigh*...

So, those are my Halloween ideas--I mean, besides all three in one: Former hero turned quasi undead half robot with shiny clothing... (too soon?)

What are yours?

Matt: On meeting a god

OMG, I'm a bit shocked still, so I have to post this.

I just met Ben Huh.

Right now you're probably saying to yourself...Huh?

Yes. Huh.

Ben Huh. The CEO of my favorite webnetwork, The Cheezburger Network.


It was a short moment, a span of about 2 minutes in an elevator, but I'm basically sure I peed a little.

This brings up an important question: When does someone become 'famous'? I mean, most of you know what a Lol cat is, probably most of you have been to Icanhascheezburger.com before, too.--but is the CEO of that company (who has now been interviewed for a bunch of magazines/papers/tv shows) famous? I mean, I think he is. Do you?

OMG, I'm still totally peeing myself.



Also: This video is amazing. Just fast forward to :29.


Awesome Halloween Costume - Watch more Funny Videos

Justin: High School Musical, Eat Your Heart Out!

When I take someone stupid to see a musical, they often have the same complaint: "that would NEVER happen in real life! People don't just start singing and dancing in the streets." Clearly these stupid friends have never been in Chelsea before.

But I understand these stupid friends' complaints. After seeing In The Heights, I took a trip to Washington Heights. There were plenty of bodegas, and I did indeed have to take the A train "even farther than Harlem to northern Manhattan and maintain, get off at 181st and take the escalator." Unfortunately there was no singing or dancing to be had. Lame.

BUT! The group known as Improv Everywhere is doing something wonderful. They are bringing musicals to real life. Staging improvised, choreographed musical scenes apparently out of nowhere. Their newest event, "Grocery Store Musical," is silly, sure. But the harmonies are there. And the reactions on the faces of shoppers are priceless (though double coupons will still be honored.)

Check it out here!



And, if you liked it, check out their first spontaneous musical, Food Court Musical.

Matt: A cut above

So, the New York Times posted this story about photoshopping gone over-the top and the warning labels that may come to them soon--I'm iffy on the whole thing, but it's certainly an interesting concept.

But I think the real story under all of this is the link:
Photoshop Disasters

I've never seen this before, and I'm really excited to add it to my roster of things to look at. It's basically a failblog of photoshopping. Loves it!

Justin: My Newest Gay Party Idea

I have often written on this blog (and screamed from the top of buildings) about the top and bottom situation. At first it was just here in NYC. Now it seems like the issue is more widespread.

At first I said that there were simply no bottoms to be had for the tops who couldn't merely switch hit. I was then accosted by a ton of bottoms who said they couldn't find a top if they put out a craigslist ad (and some of them have!)

So the new problem, as I see it, is that because we no longer subscribe to stereotypes, there is no way to tell a top from a bottom. A skinny, tall, extremely effeminate boy could pound you into the floor while a mustachioed meaty leather daddy will have his legs up faster than you could say Rawhide.

So what do we do? How can we help bottoms and tops to find what it is they are looking for? Well, I came up with an idea. I'd love to hear your thinking. I present to you:

THE B & T PARTY!

B&T has a negative connotation right now - bridge and tunnel - so it needs to be changed. No, my B&T stands for just what you may think it would...

A Bottoms and Tops party could be held at any club or bar. Here's how it works:

1. You come to the party
2. You receive a necklace or t-shirt inscribed with either "B" "T" or "V".
3. You go find your date
4. You go home knowing that sex will be had.
   

Think about how great this is! It's much like how an underwear party is a great way to tell if the guy you're scoping out has a six pack or a muffin top. Is smooth like a bowling alley floor, or hirsute as a bearskin rug.

At the B&T party, there's no finding a cute guy and going home with him only to find you'll be bumpin' butt holes or rubbing dicks together like experimenting high schoolers.

So there you have it... the B&T Party.

In the timeless words of Strongbad and the Teen Girl Squad, I ask you:

SO good or NO good?

xoJR

Matt: There is no ceiling cat.

For those of you who aren’t avid followers of Lolcats, Let me fill you in: ceiling cat is the lolcat version of ‘god’. I figured it would be a fun way to lead us into something that I saw in the news this morning.

AM NY ran a story this morning about the impending godlessness of our subway system—or at least on certain ads it’s running. All in all, I’m not surprised that there’s backlash, but I think it’s kind of ridiculous. For those of you who aren’t New Yorkers, you can take my word that most of the time the word ‘god’ is uttered below ground it comes with a ‘damnit.’ But there are frequently ads in the subway suggesting that I go to this church or that church and I’m frequently annoyed by them: can’t I have a day without ‘god’? Anyway, the important thing about this is issue is the content of the ad itself: “1 million New Yorkers are good without God. Are you?”

Yes, I absolutely am. I’ve been an Atheist for a while and I’m proud of the person I am, godless or not. It’s amazing, but I have actually had conversations with people where they ask me how I can do good in the world if I’m not a believer in god. As if there is no way to have a good fiber in your body if you’re not a bible reader.

The erosion of theistic culture in America is, in my opinion, a good thing. There is a giant hypocrisy to some of the religious elements of this country: they hate it when prayer is taken out of schools, but when a country like Turkey (which has a secular government, but whose population is predominantly Muslim) moves towards any religious affiliation, they are all up in arms—“they’re becoming a Muslim state!!! Ahhh!!!!”.

Let me be clear: I think religion is important in society, but not in government. I think it’s important for people to be able to worship however they want, if they want. I also think it’s important that I be able to live my life free from religious interference. (Ahem, DOMA supporters, ENDA haters and Homophobes of all stripes…your days of control over my life are numbered.)

What do you think? Do you think it’s fair to let atheist organizations poster the subways the same way that religious ones do?

Justin: This Cat is a Total Slut

Matt,

As a fan of lolcats, I'm SURE you have already seen this video. Why? Because my friend Paul just IMed it to me. And when he IMs me something, that means that it's already been sent to every person on the planet, including dead people.

Regardless, I just saw it for the first time. And if there's anything funnier than a weird-voiced cat screaming at another cat, it's having someone insert dialogue to match the screaming.

Oh, and I'm also a HUGE fan of feline infidelity. It's just fucking funny.

Matt: Fuck your shitty ass veggie sandwich...and your salad, too.

I'm closing in on 14 years of being a vegetarian--fully half my life I have not eaten meat. Many (probably most) of you are not, so you may not understand our plight, but there is a certain scourge among the menus of most catering companies who provide lunch service for offices. The Grilled Vegetable sandwich. It is bland, it is soggy and it invariably falls apart as you try to eat it. The next person to imply that this ‘grilled vegetable sandwich with balsamic vinegar’ is at all original or that I should be excited to have an option that isn’t salad is going to get grilled and balsamized. I'm vegetarian, not boring. I like foods full of flavor. I like interesting menu options, just like everyone else. These sandwiches, they suck and I know of at least a dozen vegetarians who are also annoyed at how prevalent they are. And don't get me started on Salads. The 'mixed greens salad' is basically my least favorite thing in the world.

Do you have any foods you absolutely hate which are everywhere? I’m sure anyone with a wheat allergy has a list a mile long of things they wish weren't everywhere. Lactose intolerant people?

I think I become obsessed with food at work.