Hitler can't get into the gay bar!

Last week I joined the phalanx of online video makers when I created my very first (though not necessarily last) Hitler "Downfall" video.

To date I've seen Hitler get pissed about all sorts of things: Kanye snubbing Taylor Swift, Spider-Man becoming a musical, the Downfall movie creators stopping people from making Hitler parodies. But never, ever, not being able to get into a gay club.

So sure, why not make one? It was fun imagining what the evilest man in history might do if he found out he'd have to pay a cover to get into my party. It was even funny enough to be featured on Queerty, despite Hitler memes being, as they put it, "Two thousand and late."

You may have already seen this video. If not, check it out and feel free to share it around :)

xo Justin Luke

Easy Tech from a Cutie That's Easy on the Eyes

Don't you wish some sexy twinky guy would sit down with you and teach you how to use your computer? That's exactly what's on the agenda for Teach Parents Tech, a new program from Google that seeks to teach the older set how to operate their new dang-fangled computers.

Right here this cute lil' cherub of a guy is teaching parents how they can make a free phone call right from their Gmail. He can teach me anything he likes. And to put the pressure on me, he can feel free to remove an article of clothing for each time I fail at my task (whoops! I just pressed the IM button by mistake! I'll accept my punishment like a man, I promise.)

Aw shucks! And now I've gone and ended up somehow in my Google Reader! Gosh, Teach Parents Tech cutie boy, I guess you'll be fully disrobed by the time I figure out how to make this thing work. It might make more sense for you to stop by my place. I'll give you my address.

Happy Christmas everyone. Learn how to use your computers.

xo Justin Luke

No Sex For You! (On Craigslist at least)

Looking for a quick handy, blowjay, or push-n-pull? Well, if your normal place to go for such exchanges was Craigslist, you're shit outta luck! Might I suggest the alley by your local gay dive bar?

Okay, I'm not being specific enough. If you're willing to have gay sex for FREE, you can still get that on Craigslist (why anyone uses craigslist when there are more respectable ways to get sex on the go including Grindr, Adam 4 Adam, and Manhunt is still beyond me.)

What actually happened is that Craigslist has taken down their "Adult Services" section. This was where people paid for "erotic massages" with the happiest of endings, or their own version of a male Julia Roberts in Pretty Women (rimjob included, which, contrary to popular belief WAS a deleted scene and CAN be found in the Director's Cut).

Well, that cash for ass exchange is gone now.

The most astounding part of this announcement to me is the rough fucking that C-list will be getting in the area of their butt where they keep their wallet: One third of their revenue! That's right. Craigslist makes in the neighborhood of $36 million a year in this section!

Then again, since prostitution is illegal in America, it would make sense that all of those dollars would go here (or to the back pages of any city's local gay magazine). Personal yoga lesson my ass! Get that dick out of your mouth!

So, if you make your money selling your self to other gentlemen, I apologize that you can no longer hawk your box on Craigslist. I'm sure there are other places for you to go, that you're already probably listed on.

- Justin Luke

Barney Frank Talks About Gays in the Shower for 3 Minutes

Let's get this out there. I love Barney Frank with all my heart. He's an out and proud gay politician, he's smart as hell, and he sounds kind of like a cartoon character.

Now that Don't Ask Don't Tell has been repealed, the conservative media is scrambling to find reasons to scare folks about the gays. A great example is this interview where the reporter asks the ridiculous question: "With DADT repealed, should we be worried about gays and straights showering togehter?"

Because that's all those against repealing this law have to offer. Barney's answer is long and fantastic. I just wish he had a few more examples besides "at gyms, and playing spawts." It's shades of the gay marriage arguments: "Oh! Gays can marry? What's next? Marrying my cow?"

Pathetic.

The more important question is: are straights afraid that the gays will laugh at the small size of their penises? Put THAT question to Washington.

A Hot Gay Club Glows in Jersey

This past Friday I got the VIP treatment at a club you've probably never heard of and will want to check out. The sound system is top notch, the lighting of the highest professional grade, and the DJ a fan-favorite. Too bad that you won't be able to walk to this club from your NYC apartment though. You'll be needing to take a trip to Jersey.

Wait, did you read that right, or did something crazy seep into your eyes?

I'll repeat myself: I've discovered an absolutely amazing club (and their absolutely amazing gay Friday night party). And yes, it's in Central New Jersey. The place is called Deko. The party simply titled Deko Fridays. And the DJ is my best nightlife bud, Steve Sidewalk (who also spins at Splash and Rush).

I was whisked Deko Lounge in Steve Sidewalk's car. We arrived before the crowds (seriously CROWDS) showed up. I spent most of the night behind the DJ booth with Steve where we enjoyed Stoli bottle service and 5 hours of the hottest boys (and girls) that New Jersey has to offer. And there were plenty of them. The club was having a self-admitted "slow night" with over 1,400 people in attendance.

There are no words to describe Deko Fridays at Deko Lounge, so I'll cut the chatter and just show you the party so you can decide for yourself.

Here's the ad I cut for Deko Fridays.



For more info, check out Deko's Website.

- Justin Luke

Lady Gaga flips her shit, beats the fuck out of Santa

When she's not wearing meat or going on dates with Kermit the Frog, Lady Gaga apparently prefers to spend her time beating up on Santa Claus.

No, seriously. Check out this video where she bites the head off of Santa and then unceremoniously skewers him with a single stiletto.

Why? Because she HATES the holidays! And she's alone! Gosh, I never knew the Gags was so angry! Is she like this at all of her shows, or did she just get a stocking full of coal before she hopped on the stage for this one performance?

Ho-ho-ho-ker Face!



- Justin Luke

Hot Boy, Hot Voice, Hot Songs!

I think I may just move to Canada, and after this post, you might too. Readers, I'd like to introduce you to Mike Tompkins. Never heard of him? That's fine. He's a 23-year-old, gay-ish Canadian boy who is a bit of a viral sensation on YouTube. I discovered him yesterday via podcast co-host and best buddy Austin Helms' blog, Fabulous Apple.

If his cheekbones and butt-fucking eyes weren't enough to melt you into a puddle of liquefied organs, just give his voice a shot. And WHAT a voice! His videos are a capella one-boy endeavors where the only thing you hear is his voice. That snare? His voice. That soul-rocking bass? His voice.

I mean, to be honest, his voice could be abysmal and I'd still be in puppy love with him. But it's not. It's sultry, boyish, kinda manly. Hoo boy. I may need to go lie down a while. I think I've got the vapors.

Here's a bunch of videos of Mr. Tompkins. Like what you hear? Be sure to buy a song or three of his on iTunes!



Taio Cruz' Dynamite 


Rihanna's Only Girl





Katy Perry's Teenage Dream





Maroon 5's Misery



Owl City's Fireflies


xo Justin Luke

Penis Pix: Yay or Nay?

There's a new video today over at Will Ferrell's Funny or Die. It's cute, but not exactly something I'm sure I agree with. It's a somber (funny subject) video of women pleading with men to NOT send them pictures of their penises.

PSA: An Important Message from Women EVERYWHERE - watch more funny videos

Guess what, straight guys? Ladies don't want them! Apparently they don't think they're sexy, hot, cute, or even appetizing in the least bit. Really? Is this an epidemic? Men randomly sending photos of their junk to lady hopefuls without invitation? And is it something that women have a problem with? Color me crazy but this is a big difference from what I understand about the gay community. Is it just me?

In the gay male world, I feel like naked photos are like legal tender. A really good one can buy you just about anything. Right? And people don't just send them, a barter or begging is usually involved. A fair trade is expected or the transaction simply does not occur. Or am I just thinking this way because I live in the seedy underbelly that is gay nightlife? I'm looking for answers here, readers... so please weigh in.

Now I will posit this much: a plain jane penis photo is both boring and unappetizing. But a photo of a guy with his (pretty) face and (toned) body included with the goods? Well, yeah, that's something entirely different. That's like free porn. Free, good porn. Free porn that you might get to bang out if you play your cards right.

There IS a part of the video where a cute guy seems to be digging what he just received on his phone, so that might be the bone the video's creators threw us.

ATTENTION HOT STRAIGHT GUYS: stop sending your naked photos to your girlfriends, and just start forwarding them over to us.

- Justin Luke

HIV+ in 60 seconds or less

New news on the HIV front! Last week we heard about a German patient that was CURED of HIV with a stem cell therapy.

And this week we've got the official FDA approval of a new HIV test that can let you know your status in 60 seconds. That's right. 60 seconds.

Even better? No mouth swab. No fat-fuck needle bleeding your arm dry. No siree. This new test is determined by a FINGER PRICK.

"It uses a simple finger prick blood test to reduce the pain and discomfort associated with screening."

Scientists are hoping that the ease of the test, and speed of receiving its results will encourage more people to be tested. I say, so long as it's affordable (read: free) and widely available, I don't know why it won't be.

I'm still waiting for the day when you can install a scanner to the front of your apartment door that instantly tells you if the guy you've got trailing behind you has an STD, so you can decide whether or not to let him in.

Scientists, get on it!

- Justin Luke

See Taylor Lautner's package and Nick Jonas' Booty!

Oh, hot male celebrities that gay men want to have sex with - will you never learn? You need to consult your wardrobe specialists EVERY TIME you go out.

Why? Because if the pants you're wearing are TOO tight, then we get a perfect image of your butt as though you're not wearing any pants at all, as shown here in this behind-the-Jonas shot of Nick in a baseball uniform...

But don't think you're off the hook yet, hot guy stud superstars. Your clothing can't be TOO LOOSE either, because then you end up like Twilight hottie Taylor Lautner, who's basically gone and shown the entire free world the outline of his lil' werewolf...

WOWZA!

Let's all go on ahead and unleash a howl of gratitude to Taylor and Nick for giving us just THAT much more material to work with for when we close our eyes and imagine them in precarious positions beneath and/or above us.

- Justin Luke

Does Anyone Still Wear a Hat?

It is common knowledge that I abhor the winter. I also realized, however, this year, that I also hate the summer. So I just may revise my statement to: "I hate extreme temperatures," and that pretty much covers it.

To deal with the winter that collapsed on New York City like a drunk uncle on a wedding banquet table, I have already suited up to this fuck-serious parka my Mom shipped to me last winter as a surprise gift. I swear to God this thing is the real deal. I'm pretty sure it's actually meant to be used by fishermen in Alaska. And there is Justin, waddling up 5th avenue every night like the kid from A Christmas Story (though, luckily, I'm able to keep my arms at my sides.)

Today I bought my second weapon in this years War on Winter. And that is this ridiculously awesome and silly hat. It's like a mohawk meets a pilot hat meets a winter hat - I'll call it my Mo-Hat. Its mohawk actually continues past the actual hat and past my fur-lined hood, which is a nice added touch.

This hat is genius for the following reasons, which I will list for you:

1. The pattern is great, it has my favorite colors

2. It has pom poms! And pom poms are fun toys.

3. It covers my ears, saving me from having to buy one of those 180-things.

4. The ABSURD puffy mohawk on top of the hat gives me BOTH a dramatic profile AND helps to mask the fact that I have an abnormally huge head. No. Seriously. I have a huge head. Take the photo below as mathematical proof.

See? Big fucking head.

So this hat is a godsend. It captures attention, makes it easy for me to be spotted in a crowd, and is so wild to look at that you won't realize the Easter Island-style noggin hidden beneath.

Now all that's left to buy are boots. I need those before the snow accumulates because nothing ruins a day faster than a shoe full of NYC slush, which is a potent mix of hot dog water, homeless person urine, dog poop, and failure.

What do YOU use in your war on winter?

- Justin Luke

When a Friend Becomes a Gay Porn Star

I regularly tell people I meet that, because of my year-plus working in gay New York City nightlife, there is nothing they can say that will shock me, or that I will not believe. In my time meeting and hanging out with people in this city's many bars and clubs, I have met my fair share of male escorts, rent boys, porn stars, movie stars, and so on. I have witnessed dramas and comedies you'd say never happen in real life right in front of my very eyes. I've basically decided that you are telling the truth until evidence proves otherwise.

I can still vaguely remember the first time I was talking to someone who ended up also being in porn. This was back when porn came from a dozen studios, versus today where anyone with a camera and an Xtube account can be their own homegrown smut studio. I was so shocked, star-struck even, to realize that the guy I was talking to was paid to take (and give... ever so talented was he) it up the butt and be naked in front of cameras and a paying audience.

What's surprising now is how UN-surprised I am when I hear that someone I know is also in porn. I probably know more people in porn than I do people in any other line of work. Why? Because it pays well, and is not half as taboo as it once was (barring, of course, to their family, co-workers, and former priests and/or rabbis).

A new situation I've come to experience that throws me in a different way is a reversal of what I just wrote. Recently I've had the opportunity to watch as friends I've known for a while made their grand entrance into the adult entertainment world. This is still a strange experience to me.

It's one thing to tell me you've already done porn. Well okay then, you're filed away in my "porn star friends" rolodex. Next! Who's got a weird fetish to describe to me? I'm bored. But when you KNOW someone who isn't in porn, and then they start doing gay porn. Well, that's a whole different story.

So far I've gone through this scenario thrice, and it's no less odd than the first time. It's a re-filing in my head from "friends not in porn" to "friends in porn". This happened to me recently when a friend sent me a link to his recent "premiere". I found myself staring in shock at the computer as I saw my friend in all sorts of compromising (and impressively limber) positions and angles that I can honestly say I never imagined him in.

I was also turned on by my friend. This was also something I didn't expect. Then again, I never expected to see him in this type of a setting, either. When you're JUST friends with someone (at least when I'm just friends with someone), you don't think of them in this way. And then, all of a sudden, you are SEEING them in that way. Something you gave them the benefit of privacy for is suddenly so boldly public.

For the sake of clarity, I will say that I do NOT judge those in the adult entertainment industry. So long as they're safe and aware of the risks, then I say bully for them. Go get it. Win a few GAYVN awards and I'll ask you to be on my podcast. It's just strange when you're staring at the plundered anus of a friend you always knew and thought of with clothes on.

- Justin Luke

Two Gay Shows You WON'T See on TV

Not since Queer As Folk have we had an unabashedly shameless show that features gay men as proud and sexual human beings. Despite coming under fire from straights who found it perverse and gays who found it stereotypical and damning, the show lasted 5 healthy seasons before going the way of the gay dodo (if there ever were gay dodos, they went out with the rest of them.)

Enter "In Between Men," a show brought to my attention by my LA buddy, Erik J. McIntyre (thanks Erik!) Featured on Jezebel yesterday, In Between Men is a new gay web series that explains itself thusly:

In Between Men is a sexy, new dramedy about All- American guys who feel caught between two worlds, not truly knowing where they fit in.

In Between Men follows four friends in NYC who live "in between" a gay world, whose clichés they don't relate to, and a straight world they don't belong to. They are successful, professional men not defined by their sexuality. Through wild adventures, racy storylines, joys and pains, underscored by the pulse of New York City, In Between Men examines the relationships the men have between each other, their lovers, and the greater community.
 
You had me at "racy storylines". I like racy. I'd run a race for racy. I'd date a girl named Tracy, were she racy. I'm kidding on that last one (OR AM I?)

I've only watched the trailer but already 15 seconds into it there are two hot shirtless guys making out. Consider me an official fan. Now, bear in mind, In Between Men is a WEB SERIES. That means you won't be seeing it on Bravo or Logo or anywhere else. You gotta hunker down in front of your laptop to watch the show. 

I've never watched a web series before, besides my friend Matt Kirsch's hilarious Webby-winning web short series, duder. This show also features a gay character: him. It's a Brooklyn-based comedy series featuring Matt and his roommate and the wacky Seinfeld-ian situations they get into in a very hipstery-world. I recommend it highly, especially given it's finally back with new episodes.

Want to watch In Between Men? Click this link right here.

Want to check out duder? Become a fan on Facebook right here. 

Want to see the hot trailer for In Between Men? Hit play down below.


 In Between Men Trailer from Quincy Morris on Vimeo.

Jersey Shore: They Can't Read, But They Can Write!

I don't like reality television. On the low shelf where I hang my opinions on this corrosive, lazy and revolting type of media, Jersey Shore has slimed its way to the very lowest part. Just when my kidneys had started working again after seeing a single episode of the greasy, trashy television show, my entire body has once again entered emergency shut-down mode, all because of BOOK DEALS now being given to the members of this televised atrocity.

Really? Book deals? Why would we ever give a pen (or, in their cases, a ghostwriter) to people who spend 45 minutes fighting about who knocked the uncooked barbecue chicken onto the kitchen floor (it was Snooki, and they really did spend 45 minutes bitching, crying, laughing, and slapping each other over it)?

Well, the answer is: stupid book publishers who will stick their claws in anything that seems remotely popular in order to fight off the fast-approaching grim reaper that is people not wanting to read any longer, and the eBook revolution.

Sounds like a bad idea, right? Well, it IS a bad idea! According to Perez Hilton (who I will only ever source this one damn time), Mike "The Situation"'s recent book has only sold 4,000 copies. This shocks me! I mean, who WOULDN'T buy a book called "Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore"? How about anyone? Most people would be repelled by the title, and the people who would actually ever consider purchasing it would be repelled by the fact that there are so many words on the cover. (Additionally, his "situation" abs don't even LOOK that good on the cover.)

Well, since the publishing industry is notoriously slow at learning anything, they've gone ahead with their next Jersey Snore of a book-deal, and that is a dating book being "written" (scrawled drunkenly on a cocktail napkin in an ink made of semen, bitch blood, and MAC lipstick) by J-WOWW.

The announcement came via J's Facebook:

MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: The Rules According to JWOWW, offering a new spin on the dos and don’ts of dating, from “smushing” guys to avoiding booty calls to finding the guy of your dreams. The book includes empowering advice for a new generation of self-assured young women, as JWOWW shares her “shore-tested secrets on landing a mint guy, staying fresh to death, and kicking the competition to the curb.”

There's now a fresh puddle of vomit on my keyboard, joining the crusted-over torrent that flew out of me the FIRST time I read that blurb. Clearly the publishers are hoping to replicate the pure failure of The Situations Shit-uation, in that they've saddled the lame name-focused title with a list of keywords including the word "shore".

Isn't JWOWW always getting her ass kicked and/or threatened with kicking? Why is she uniquely (or at all) suited to tell "self-assured young women" how to get the man of their dreams? I'd rather see a book where JWOWW teaches us how to beat a tramp up without ruining our nails or hair. Now THAT is something she can speak to.

Either way, the book will be fist-pumping its way into a bookstore near you. By the time you've read this, you can probably find it in the Bargain Bin next to those books titled "500 Quick and Easy Turducken Recipes".

- Justin Luke

Snow Brings the House Down in the Worst Way

When we talk about how awesome a show, concert, or performance is, we often fallback on the tried-and-true phrase "they brought the house down." When we hear that, we know what happened within said destroyed house was pretty Fan-fucking-tastic.

Well guess what? Turns out that bringing a house down is not actually a good thing. In fact, if you watch this shocking video of tons of snow destroying the roof of the Metrodome, you'll see what looks like bazillions of dollars worth of expensive roof-hanging equipment sagging towards its demise.

This is a terrible thing that will probably be terribly expensive to repair. Does anyone have an extra stadium roof handy? If so, please call the Metrodome.

Just another reason to add to the list of reasons why I hate snow. REMEMBER THE METRODOME!

- Justin Luke

Pot Party in the USA: Miley Cyrus Smokes Up!

Oh silly Miley Cyrus! Didn't you learn when this shit happened to sexy swimmer Michael Phelps? Guess you were too blazed on legal California weed to remember.

Thanks to the vermin at TMZ and some asshole d-bag who can't let a girl just have a drag of fun, we now have this OFFICIAL video of Achey-Breaky Billy Ray's daughter taking two big fat bong hits at a party.

My comment? So the fuck what. Most of the girl celebrities I know were doing things far worse at far younger ages. Lindsay Lohan can't keep the coke out of her nose and Britney still has needlemarks on her arms. Unfortunately, Miley is part of the Disney brother and sisterhood. Lord knows they locked away Vanessa Hudgins in a jail cell for a few months when that photo of her playing with her voluptuous cans surfaced online. What's the mouse's punishment for marijuana?

Party in the USA right over here baby. You go, Miley. Hopefully the hits you did transformed you into superstar Hannah Montana.

Drag Queens and Drummer Boys

Last night, the theme for the weekly Thursday night gay dance party I throw with Alan Picus and BoiParty.com was CAMPUS ROCKS. And rock it did.

The night began with a surprise performance by the delectable Miss Jackie Coxx, a good friend of mine (before she became a well-known she) performing the PRIDE MEGAMIX - a "smush-up" I made consisting of Ke$ha's "We R Who We R," P!nk's "Raise Ur Glass," and Katy Perry's "Firework". And "work" is the perfect word to use when talking about this performance.

See if for yourself right here:




 Jackie Coxx Performs "Pride MegaMix" LIVE at Splash! from Justin Luke on Vimeo.

Jackie and her two back up dancer boys, Ryan Braun and Garret McCann, tore the stage up and brought the packed crowd to a fevered pitch. And they were just the warm-up act.

Because the curtains closed for ten minutes and then re-opened to reveal our resident live club musicians, drummer Alpha Beta and guitarist Willo-Will. This is something I've never seen before at a club - live musicians backing up the DJ's music. It is an experience that cannot be described. These guys didn't miss a damn beat, and they had the crowd hot and dancing until past 4 in the morning.

I caught about 5 minutes of LIVE, UNEDITED club footage to show you Alpha Beta and Willo-Will at work. They're throwing the beats and chords down to "Party in the USA" being spun by our resident upstairs DJ, John Marto. I apologize for the at times shaky camera. I was drunk for one, running around for two, and at the end, our dance captain Brandon Propst (who you may have seen two weeks ago on the A-List on Logo) kicked my camera out of my hand.

See it here:




 Campus ROCKS Live II: Live Party Footage! from Justin Luke on Vimeo.
Party people I want to shout out, as well, because they make any party better:

Austin Helms, my best bud and podcast co-host, who also helped discover Jackie Coxx in his So You Think You Can Drag reality competition.

And up-and-cumming go-go boy, Matty Haxx.

Also thanks to our bartenders, go-go boys, DJ Steve Sidewalk on the lower level, Chaka Khanvict for those ridiculous $2 shots, and Patrick Michael for filming Jackie and capturing all those tasty emails and phone numbers on the BoiParty official iPad.

Justin Luke

Do you like big dicks?

From choir girls to cocky guys in less than an hour on Justin Plus One! Aren't YOU lucky?

Everyone's favorite gay pimp and occasional party promoter Johnny McGovern has released his newest music video. And this one's a straight-up (or, well, gay-up) spoof of the club hit "Like a G6".

The title? Likin' Big Dicks, of course!

And Johnny makes good on the title - the bulges on each of the dancing boys in this video are positively mammoth. Seriously. Like, huge. Subway five-dollar footlong huge. Doorstop huge. Baby-seal-beating-club huge. Salami-hanging-in-an-old-fashioned-italian-deli huge.

Yeah. They're big. Excuse me while I go clean up all this drool on my keyboard.

Watch if you dare. This is the definition of NOT SAFE FOR WORK.


Likin Big Dicks UNCENSORED -Jonny McGovern & Calpernia from jonny mcgovern on Vimeo.
- Justin Luke

The Wonderful Choir of Oz

It is my religion to not watch a YouTube video that goes longer than about three and a half minutes. Until today. And the cure? This ridiculous Wizard of Oz medley sung by an all girls' choir at Hope College.

The singing, I'll admit, is a bit pitchy at times. What wins it for them is their impeccable choreography. Their director has brought in a twist of Glee, and an influence from the floating hands in the opening number of Pippin to create a 9-minute medley complete with spot-on hand-ography and props that seemingly pop up out of nowhere.

Check it out and stick around til the end. Because it keeps getting better and better.



- Justin Luke

Watch My Brother Have Sex with a MILF, Shoot Guns

It's been a while since I've written a post about my brother, Jared Zirilli. Mostly because he spent the past year on tour with the 1st National Cast of Wicked as the Fiyero understudy. But my brother is back in action! Hot from the editing room, here's the trailer for THREE OF A KIND, the upcoming indy movie my brother shot a few months ago.

The tagline is: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not.

...I'm not quite sure what that means.

The text-based summary of the film is interesting, also:

"THREE OF A KIND is a psychological thriller written in the tradition of BASIC INSTINCT and BODY HEAT. The story spans from Buenos Aires to Chicago and centers on Anna, a woman who is ruthlessly controlled by her husband, Victor. Victor is convinced that his employees are under his thumb too; including his most-trusted, Michael and the loyal but deadly Christina. But Victor gets his comeuppance when Anna unleashes her own brand of control."

To compare oneself to Basic Instinct is a strange move to make. But I will guess that my brother plays Michael (unless he's actually playing the loyal, but deadly Christina... which would be an interesting casting choice on the part of the director).

Also, my brother has been pretty mum on his work in this project, so I'm forced to basically guess what's going on, and what he has to do with it all. By watching the trailer, it seems like he plays some trusted confidante to the mobster-like lead character. In this trailer Jared can be seen driving a car twice, shtupping the mobster's wife, and holding a gun menacingly.

DOES HE PARK THE CAR?

DOES HE DO THE MOBSTER'S WIFE AGAIN?

WILL HE FIRE THAT GUN?

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, check out this full-length teaser trailer. I'm so proud of my bro... he has mastered the "menacing eyes in the narrow slit of a rear view mirror" so early in his career.




- Justin Luke

Gay Porn's HIV + Patient Zero SPEAKS OUT

Remember the chaos that erupted back in October when 4 adult film companies shut down due to a sudden case of HIV? It (no pun intended) thrust the adult entertainment industry into a light that exposed a lot of its pockmarks and blemishes. Namely that cross-over porn stars (those who acted in straight AND gay films) were in themselves ticking time bombs. This was the case because in gay porn, actors wear condoms and AREN'T tested, and in straight porn, they don't wear condoms and ARE regularly tested. Whoops... guess that didn't work out so well.

Back then the guy who contracted the STD that took the West Coast adult entertainment industry down to its knees was known as "Patient ZERO".

Well, now he is revealing his true identity (his real name is Derrick Burts, and he's only 24 years old) and telling his true story: that he has a girlfriend, that he most likely contracted HIV from a gay porn shoot he had in Florida, and that the Adult Entertainment Industry sucks big fat dick when it comes to protecting, treating, and looking out for their many performers.

Enough from me, hear it directly from Derrick himself.


 
- Justin Luke

A Positive Place to Party

NEXT Magazine has posted a great article about a recent rise of HIV-Positive - focused nightlife events popping up in New York City. I couldn't be happier to hear this. Currently, the biggest offering would be POZ - a weekly Thursday party at Vlada Bar in Hell's Kitchen.

In a time and place where so many of us aren't getting tested, and others aren't revealing their statuses, and still others feel stigmatized by their status, it is encouraging and beautiful to see such a shot fired in the dark that says: HEY! WE HAVE FUN TOO, YA FUCKERS!

When you think about it, being HIV-Positive (if you're honest about it, with yourself and others) is like suddenly being thrust back into the closet again. Ahead of you is another exhausting round of Serious Conversations with everyone ranging from your family to your friends to every guy you ever sleep with for the rest of your life.

How awesome that there are parties where Poz Guys can go where it's not a burden, secret, or something to be ashamed of. As we all know, being HIV-Positive is no longer a death sentence (and hasn't been for years). So, with the constant news of new therapies and treatments and greater success stories coming fast and furious by the day, why not put on your dancing shoes and have a good time?

If you're HIV-Positive, I fully recommend you check this party out. If you're HIV-negative, I still vote you stop on by. I attended once with a Poz friend and found everyone there to be happy, drunk, and energetic. I didn't feel like an outsider, despite my negative status.

As the promoter, Josh Wellman says in the NEXT article: "It’s a casual mixer,—people are really welcoming to newcomers," AKA: these aren't exclusive parties. Poz gays and their negative supporters and friends alike are invited to attend and enjoy performances, drink specials, and new friends.

In a community so often perceived to be steeped in the negative, an instance of positive like this is something to be celebrated.

Also, for more on POZ, be sure to check out their recent feature in the New York Times.

- Justin Luke

The TKTS Booth? There's an App for that

AT LAST! It looks as though Broadway is finally catching up to the rest of the free world, at least where mobile technology is concerned. The Theater Development Fund (known as TDF to a few, and as "the organization I never heard of, but runs and/or owns those awesome cheap Broadway TKTS booths around NYC" to most) has FINALLY released an iPhone app.

If you're not from NY, or are from NY and culturally unaware, the TKTS Booth is that huge neon staircase to nowhere in the center of Times Square. It used to be uglier, and then after that it was hidden by the parking lot beside a gigantic Drowsy Chaperone starring Bob Saget advertisement under the Marriott Marquis hotel. No matter where TKTS laid its booth-y head, it was good for one thing: getting you half-price tickets to see your favorite Broadway shows (unless, of course, your favorite show is everyone else's favorite show, in which case that show probably always sells out and you're shit out of luck.)

Sort of like a publisher's clearing house, TKTS allowed theaters to make back at least half of the ticket sales they weren't able to push at full price, and to fill their audience with clueless tourists who thought that "Million Dollar Quartet" was a reality show where they could win awesome prizes by naming songs sung by four old-timey crooners.

Despite my jokes, I actually love the TKTS booth. Who wouldn't want to buy half-price tickets to a show? Theater is expensive these days, and I'd much rather buy a $70 seat to see a show than a $150 seat. Unfortunately, lots of people love TKTS, which is why there is often a ridiculous line wrapping its way around the booth and its surrounding grounds from 3 hours before it opens to an hour after it closes. Trips to TKTS became a full day affair where you waited in line and prayed to the God Jujamcyn that your show not sell out, or only have obstructed view seats when you got up to the cash registers.

You know what? I think this is an app that every theater gay (and theater fan, in general) will want. This sucker has realtime ticket availability info that streams from the TKTS booths, letting you know what shows are available, so you don't have to venture out if they don't have what you're hankering for. Even better? After you buy your tickets, there's a cool map feature that lets you find out exactly WHERE the Gazillion Bubble Show and ImaginOcean are playing (the answer? somewhere small enough to sell out the house and keep them in business).

And the most interesting bit is that this app came out of seemingly nowhere all because of the producer Ken Davenport, who launched a $.99 app months ago about the TKTS booth, letting people know how long the lines are at any given time, and what is currently on sale. Clearly TKTS couldn't let a brilliant social-media and mobile-minded producer get the jump on them, and so into the fray they flew. This new TKTS app has my vote, since it's free (til March!) Now watch Ken make his free for the same window of time, ever so smart is he.

So, iPhone owning Theater lovers... what are you waiting for? Get off your asses and get that app RIGHT NOW!

- Justin Luke

Katy Perry Invades The Simpsons!

Okay, so this is pretty interesting and awesome (though maybe not that funny). Katy Perry appeared on The Simpsons Christmas special last night, but not in the normal way that celebrities tend to come by. Instead of being Simpsonized and dragged into the yellow family's cartoon world, Katy Perry's giant boobs reversed the order of things and brought The Simpsons into the real world - as puppets!

Kinda funny, moreso just intriguing to watch. It reminds me of when Brian from Family Guy went on Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect in an episode of Family Guy, paving the way for a long and drawn out and thoroughly awkward live-meets-cartoon experience.

Anyway, see Katy Perry singing alongside puppets, and enjoy the meta Statler and Waldorf muppet reference at the end!

And to think, this is all apparently a dream that Maggie has... someone should stop feeding her crazy pills so close to bed time.



- Justin Luke

Sarah Palin Kills a Caribou For the Hell of It

Ah America! Land of the free! Home of the brave! A place where we can have our wannabe first female Presidents running around the Alaskan wilds with guns that are bigger than them in pursuit of animals they don't actually want to kill! Can you smell that? It's the fear of innocent animals. Can you taste that? It's the vomit in the back of my throat!

Yes, that is the scene displayed here (which has over 300 dislikes on YouTube, and 30 likes) and is actually BLOCKED WITH A PARENTAL WARNING, is Sarah Palin taking a sneak shot at a beautiful Caribou, and shooting a bullet straight through its heart.

If THAT'S not the makings of a good President, I don't know what is!

I mean, granted Sarah basically has this Caribou killed for her as she is coached on how to hold the gun, and backpacks are stacked for her so that she can get a clear shot of the animal that has no idea it's about to be murdered for a television audience.

Sarah then thanks the animal for living a long life and now feeding her family. I doubt a single Palin will be eating Caribou. She also then tastefully yanks the poor dead creature up by its antlers so she can take a photo with it.

Great job Sarah! I can hear those votes stacking up for you right now. And those votes sound like a stack of dead, bleeding Caribou falling all over one another.




- Justin Luke

YOU explain what's happening in this video!

Every once in a while we humans will come across a viral video on YouTube that defies logic, understanding, common sense, and even a pithy description.

This is one of those videos.

Why don't YOU tell me what the story is here? I'll leave it to you.

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Injuries!

Makes you wonder how ANYONE could be injured during this show.

When I first heard that Spider-Man would be coming to Broadway, I shook my head. When I heard its title would be "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" my head practically fell off from all of the shaking. But then I heard Julie Taymor would be involved, and so would millions of dollars of special effects that would make me question the real world around me, and things changed. If we remember correctly (and I do), people once scoffed that Julie Taymor was getting involved with Disney and would be bringing Lion King to Broadway. Ridiculous! They alleged. It would never work, ever.

And clearly all the nay-sayers were right: Disney's Lion King on Broadway failed miserably, closed days after its opening, and lost millions of dollars for its foolhardy investors.

Oh. Wait. That's not what happened at all.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I immediately bought tickets for Spider-Man when they were put on sale. We had a two-fold reason for doing so, based on two intricately planned possibilities. Either the show would be the biggest webbed piece of shit to ever appear on The Great White Way and we could say we were there to see it fall flat on its red and blue masked face. Or it would be the next barnstorming Lion King, and we got to see it before tickets sold out forever and went sky-high in price.

Of course, we then had to reschedule our tickets because we bought in the preview window that the creative team canceled and postponed due to injuries and things just not being ready yet.

It seemed to me that, after a rough start with a halting and offensive first preview, that Spider-Man might find its legs and create a show that, for all intents and purposes, we could all enjoy for whatever reason we went (my admitted reason for going is the spectacle. I want to see shit flying and forced perspectives and conveyor belts). I don't care if the show itself sucks. Disney's Tarzan blew a fat one and STILL I loved it, because two members of the cast walked down the back of the stage in a scene that made it look like I was looking down on them from the sky as they walked along a beach.

But, dammit, the tragedies just keep on coming! Fresh on the broken heels of two injured cast members who were flung from catapults like watermelons at a Gallagher comedy show, Spider-Man has just claimed its next injury. Natalie Mendoza, who plays Arachne, the spider that bites Peter Parker, has sustained a concussion and will miss at least a week of shows, reports Playbill. Apparently the production "isn't sure how this occurred." Hmmm I'll take a guess that she probably turned the wrong way while hanging upside down from a rope and being swung around the theater in a circular pattern with four cinder blocks, a flaming torch, and a rabid bulldog. And that's just how they open the second act!

Holy shit, Batman! Are you serious? Spider-Man is quickly turning from a Broadway Spectacle to a murder and meat machine conceived of in the evil mind of Julie Taymor. That makes the third announced injury in less than 2 weeks! At this rate, I fear that I'll never see Spider-Man, as the entire cast will probably be battered and/or dead by next week, and the Foxwoods Theater a smoking crater in the ground on 42nd street.

Smile while you can, Reeve Carney, because Taymor's killing you next.

This isn't a Broadway musical, it's a death contraption created to thin out the glut of actors currently working in theater today. I'm sure this is a comfort to my friends working as food servers and temps in NYC: less living actors means more opportunities for them (so long as they don't allow themselves to be cast in, and then chewed to bits by, Spider-Man).

Despite all of this, I am still excited to see Spider-Man. I've read the critical pans and the lobbed insults. I still don't care. I want spectacle! And you know what? If people keep getting the shit kicked out of them, that means what I'm going to see is some sick, insane spectacle. That's enticing. I just hope nobody dies in the air above me the night I'm there.

Are YOU going to see Spider-Man? What are your thoughts on it?

- Justin Luke

A Little Drag'll Do Ya!

Last night was the finale of my faboo gay podcast co-host and best buddy Austin Helms' epic nightlife reality event, So You Think You Can Drag. Famous drag queens, Broadway stars and starlets and a ton of NYC's nightlife elite descended upon New World Stages to see Paige Turner and her stable of 5 drag contenders put on a show that tore the roof down, causing the temporary closing of Naked Boys Singing until they could fix said roof.

The five contenders were Destiny, Jackie Coxx, Honey Davenport, Tasha Salad, and Roxy Couture. The winner (SPOILER ALERT!) was Honey Davenport. In all honesty, I think ALL of these girls will have their own shows in a number of days. Keep an eye out for them here, in Provincetown, and on Fire Island. Seriously. The new class has arrived, and they are ever so fabulous.

So last night I captured a few of the performances on video, and of course I've put them here for you to enjoy. I am extremely partial to Jackie Coxx's performance of "We R What We R" - a mash-up of Ke$ha's "We R Who We R" and La Cage Aux Folles' "We Are What We Are". This is because I made said mash-up for Miss Coxx. Granted I've never published anything, or written a play that has been performed, so this is the closest thing I've come yet to that type of experience. It was wicked watching choreography created to something I put together in Garageband.

Here are the videos. Check 'em out, and then stay tuned for the NEXT season of So You Think You Can Drag!


 Jackie Coxx Performs "We R What We R" LIVE! from Justin Luke on Vimeo.


Tasha Salad Performs "End of the Road" LIVE! from Justin Luke on Vimeo.


Destiny Performs "Dance in the Dark" and "Bad Romance"! from Justin Luke on Vimeo.

Ke$ha Premieres "We R Who We R"

Well isn't this anti-climactic? Ke$ha's anthem for the freaks, "We R Who We R" has finally earned itself a music video and... it's pretty crappy?

Seriously! It's like, part 2 Fast 2 Furious, part Fight Club, part The Warriors, and part drunken Wonder Woman's suicide. There's also a Plenty of Fish reference, which I think was stolen directly from Lady Gaga. There is nothing good about this music video besides the song it was made for.

I'm not even going to get into how Ke$ha LOOKS (which is something like Batman's Joker, if he underwent a sex change). Oh, and Ke$ha? Just in case you weren't paying attention, your own lyric is "we've got Jesus on our necklaces (es, es, es, es)" not "I've got a fuck huge Jesus-less golden cross on one of my ears (ears-ears-ears).

Unfortunate, as I'm a HUGE fan of this song. Tsk tsk, Ke$ha. Time to hire a new director. Or, actually, maybe it's just time to hire a director. Personally, I think Ryan James Yezak's ultra-gay and naked version of the video was far better. Maybe you should call him?

I think Towleroad put it best when they said: "Like a Lady Gaga video without the plot, a Madonna video without the sexuality, and a viral video made by a bunch of gay twinks without the production values..."

What Happened to Katy Perry?

Not two weeks ago, I wrote a very mean post to Katy Perry, basically begging her to never sing live again.

And then she went ahead and IGNORED my open letter and sang live again anyway!

...except she totally FUCKING KICKED ASS THIS TIME.

Um... what happened? It's like a completely different kick-ass chick is up there on the Victoria's Secret fashion runway. She's hitting her notes. She's improvising. She's wearing a fierce dress with a ridiculous train that gets torn away.

I have no idea. Was the AMA performance just an off-night? Was it because they made her ride down from the rafters and she was scared? Or is it just that there's a powerful backtrack playing here in this performance? I don't think so... it looks to me like she's actually singing (and breathing, etc.)

Maybe they squeezed her into a corset that helped her reign in her diaphragm? Or maybe the AMAs were so embarrassing they locked her in a room with a vocal coach for the week and a half to ensure she could sing her current single?

Seriously, I have no idea. I'm open to any of yours.

Either way, enjoy this scaled down but spectacular performance of "Firework," it's the way she should have done it all along.




- Justin Luke

TSA? Not OK!

For those of you getting ready to travel this holiday season, be sure to watch this quick video detailing an all new list of banned objects that you will not be allowed to take with you when you fly.

As someone who rides the Long Island Rail Road home for the holidays, I'm happy to enjoy the freedom to bring whatever I like on the train, including open containers of alcohol, hunting firearms, and animals.

As someone who flies, you basically can't bring anything but the shirt on your back (and depending on the words on that shirt, you may be flying tits-to-the-wind this coming Christmas).

Okay, so maybe this video is a joke from the comedic geniuses at the Upright Citizens Brigade, but the funniness comes at a price: the price of bitter reality. As someone who rarely travels, I just get to hear the horror stories and cluck my tongue and shake my head as I am regaled with the travel travails. From what I understand, it now costs more to board, more to stow a bag, they will jerk you off when you try to enter the terminal, or take naked photos of you and post them online so all can laugh at the size and state of your genitals, they won't let you carry more liquid than a thimble full of corn oil, and they're usually delayed, stuck in the air for hours, and lose the luggage they charged you extra to check in the first place.

Happy travels, kids. I'll blow you a kiss from the train tracks beneath you.

- Justin Luke

TSA: Newly Banned Items	UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

And here come the Glee rip-offs

It was only a matter of time. People thought Glee would be a flash in the pan and die out... little did they know it would take the world by storm: a truly innovative program - an hour-long musical comedy. The little show that couldn't, did, and then exploded.

So, what message does that communicate to other TV networks? That they should meet and brainstorm and come up with the NEXT innovative idea? That they should entrust to smart thinkers and risky writers the opportunity to come to the table with something that's never been seen before to be the Next Big Thing?

No, silly! It means the other TV channels are now going to blatantly rip off, imitate, and not-at-all innovate the Glee model! If ONE musical series worked, then ALL of them will work, right? We don't need to re-invent the wheel! We just need to change a spoke on that wheel, or the color of that wheel. Because, lord knows, if you re-invent the wheel, it may end up being a rectangle, which would make for one hell of a bumpy ride on the highway.

Think I'm joking? Oh I am so not.

First, just freshly announced today is an UNNAMED musical drama set to feature Wicked's Idina Menzel. That's right. This one is innovative because it's NOT funny! It's serious, y'all! We're not ripping off Glee! Now come watch us please! ABC is developing this, as well as ANOTHER unnamed 1/2 hour female-led musical comedy.

My prediction: both will flop before they even get names.

And then there's Disney's upcoming musical series, tentatively titled "Madison High." They're allowed to make this show, since they created High School Musical and shocked the world with its popularity, which, I am convinced, in turn inspired Ryan Murphy to create Glee.

And then there's some new show that takes place at an acting camp coming from the former director of the crappy movie Camp (glad he really strays from his comfort zone!)

But there is one musical tv show idea I can support, and that is when traditional, popular TV shows do a single musical episode. Buffy did it. Scrubs did it. 30 Rock had BETTER do it. And, just announced yesterday, Grey's Anatomy will do one. I've never watched Grey's, but you can bet I'll watch this one.

So let's watch the Me-Toos all parade out of their caves for the next year as they try to lather, rinse, repeat what succeeded before. The fools. It's like when 24 was a huge hit and so every channel figured what Americans wanted was shows that took place in set periods of time (in this one, each episode is a year! a decade! a minute!)

Originality is what wins the hearts and minds of television audiences around our fair country. But the only people who realize that are the original thinkers. The rest think it's formulaic, and so we deal with the upcoming poop parade of imitators.

That's fine, when the smoke clears, you can bet that Glee will still be standing, albeit on a battlefield strewn with blown up cadavers.

And that's how Justin "C's it!"