Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Would You Like Some Onion with Your Onion?

I am happier than a pig in shit. (Are pigs happy in shit? Someone Google that for me. Not sure why anyone would be happy in shit... but then again, I've seen some questionable shit-related behavior in dogs, too...)

Why, you ask? Because my absolute most favorite thing in the world, The Onion - fine purveyors of fake news for as long as I've been alive, are bringing not one but TWO shows to television! One begins tonight and one kicks off next week.

If you've got cable and a DVR, I implore you to set it, forget it, and then REMEMBER IT as you begin pissing your pants, and don't stop until your bladder is bone dry and your couch is ruined forever with the stench of your own bodily waste.

First, tonight's premiere: SportsDome on Comedy Central. Leading right into Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert's hour-long news block is this new sports-focused spoof program at 10:30 PM. I've only watched a teaser for it, but already I'm laughing. And I don't even like sports! Leave it to The Onion to somehow make that work.

And if that wasn't enough, we've got ANOTHER Onion newsprogram invading the TV tube next week. If you have IFC (which once meant "Independent Film Channel" but now clearly is willing to support programs neither independent nor film-related) then tune in on Friday January 21st at 10 to see "Onion News Network". This one is more of a spoof of 24-hour news, and, again, looks to be a pantaloom-soiling good time.

Snowy Conditions Proving Hazardous For Nation's Idiots

Did you find this funny? Then you will find The Onion shows hilarious. Did you not find them funny? Then WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Get the funny region of your brain cat-scanned, lobotomized, and treated with a drug cocktail, and then meet me on my futon with a bowl of popcorn.

- Justin Luke

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