Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Be the FIRST TO KNOW When That Hot Guy is SINGLE!

I can't tell if this new app for Facebook is creepy, genius, or a little of both. Or neither. I also can't tell if I should "like" it, or caution everyone to KEEP AWAY.

It's called BREAKUP NOTIFIER. And that's exactly what it does: tells you when someone has left their relationship.

You set up a list on Facebook of all the taken dudes that you want to grab up, and then the notifier lets you know THE SECOND they are single, so you can strike while the iron is hot and they're looking for "Forget-Him Sex".

Now, one thing no one seems to be saying here: if there's a guy you REALLY want who's taken... well, then, you're probably Facebook stalking the fuck out of him already, so you WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW WHEN HE'S SINGLE ANYWAY.

Duh.

Now what's more important: will BREAKUP NOTIFIER notify us when someone goes from In a Relationship to "It's Complicated"? That's REALLY the time you need to be going after them. You want to hit them when they're weak and filled with doubts. You want to be jogging past their place in the morning when they leave for work in that pair of shorts that pulls at your ass just right as you bounce by. You want to be at the party where he went by himself because his current boyfriend "Just Wasn't In The Mood." That's when victory is most apparent.

If you wait til they're single, you are more than likely way too late, and probably didn't deserve the guy in the first place. Put the effort in, boys!

Of course, if you're a truly soulless asshole, you can just skip downloading BREAKUP NOTIFIER and go ahead and convince the guy you want to just cheat on his significant other. Before It's Complicated or he gets into an Open Relationship. All it takes is a few well-timed drinks and that cute skinny strap tank you bought at Uniqlo or American Apparel. Just shove your junk in his face when he's tipsy on too many Appletinis and BOOM! Now YOU'RE the BREAKUP NOTIFIER.

Huzzah.

See you in hell, you homewrecker! 

- Justin Luke

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