Are You a Gay Geek?

Today's post is inspired by yet another member of Gorgeous, Gay and Twenty-Something: the ever so fabulous and fuckable Julian Ramirez.

How far the geek has come in our society. Once upon a time, the geek was literally a sideshow freak. They usually spent their time wrenching the floppy heads of chickens from their feathered bodies for a shiny pence piece. From there, things didn't get better. In the 90s, geeks were fused with nerds to embody extraordinarily heavyset men, often hirsute to a disappointing degree, bespectacled (with the requisite masking tape to fix their broken glasses), often tittied and sweaty, and usually clacking away on a computer keyboard while snorting about Dungeon and Dragons jokes (this was before going "Rah Rah like a Dungeon Dragon" was a cool thing).

But now, in the year 2011, the geek is making a comeback, and it's probably receiving the best status bump it's ever experienced. Let's start by saying that I proudly state that I am a gay geek. I love video games. I read nerdy loser books. I'm a total Apple fan boy. I still watch professional wrestling and pay $50 a pop for their Pay-Per-View slamfests. I've been known to watch Myth Busters. And I'm not the only one who wears the "Geek" label proudly. In fact, most gays I know admit to a nerdy or geeky side.

It's become the new black! Just a dash of geek to accentuate your personality tends to bring back dividends that would make an Off-Track Betting jockey go pale. Why? That's a good question.

First off, labeling yourself as a "Geek" tends to mean, these days, that you're friendly. You're not one of those bitchy cunty queens who looks like someone swapped their Trident with a dog turd. Chances are you walk around smiling all goofy and making bad jokes. And if someone caught you with your pants down, there's a chance they caught you with a stack of your Pokemon cards pulled out on the couch. And who doesn't want to know a friendly, fun gay?

Next up: Being a geek adds a new dimension to a gay man. Sure, we may be interested in fashion, and Britney and Gaga, and interior design, and getting dicks slapped against our mouths - but there's so much more than that! Something we didn't outgrow from our childhoods. For example, I never outgrew my love for professional wrestling. Some may say this is proof that I am white trash. And to them I say shut the fuck up and move away from the television, because the cage match between John Cena, The Miz, and John Morrison is reaching its climax. This extra dimension adds depth and personality to us, and helps us to stand out.

Much like how "bitch" and "whore" and "slut" have somehow crawled out of the muck to become terms of endearment, so has "geek" and "nerd". Only Geek and Nerd are far more friendly to say to someone. They're soft punches. The kind of jovial back-slap that friends do to friends. I call all of my friends nerds. And instead of defending themselves, they'll often blanch and grin like idiots. Or like nerds.

But there's a trade-off to all of this cutesy-ness. And that is the fact that Nerd and Geek are slightly de-sexualized terms. Granted, I know my fair share of nerds that ride a dick better than an equestrian rides at the Kentucky Derby, but each time I think about them being sexual, it's almost a full-scale shock to my entire limbic system. Nerds are harmless, unsexed creatures! How could they enjoy getting naked and sweaty with someone else? Nerds don't do that. But then again, this is 2011. Nerds can have their cake and shove their cocks in it, too.

And also, there's the matter of debate on whether someone is ACTUALLY a geek/nerd or not. What qualifies them this way? What, exactly, is nerdy anymore? In elementary school, it was the kid who the teacher loved and always did their homework on time. In Junior High it was the kid who spent his free period in the library. In High School it was the kid who was in the Science or A/V Club. In college, it was the guy who skipped house parties to attend LARP meet-ups.

But what, in the real world, makes you a nerd? When academia goes by the wayside, what's left for us to quantify our nerdiness? Since there's no true measure agreed upon (the actual de facto nerd that used to live in the Federal Government's Bureau of Weights and Measures died a year ago from choking on a 20-sided die), we are left to proclaim ourselves as nerds, with little to no debate.

Who would ever say, "Fine sir, I disagree! You are NOT a nerd! You are a LIAR! CHARLATAN!"

It just doesn't happen. At least, not yet. Perhaps when being a nerd surpasses being a cool kid, we will fight that battle. But not now. But, then again, there's Shane Cherry - a relative newcomer to the gay NYC nightlife scene who's bringing GAYMER events to Manhattan and out of the boroughs. NEXT Magazine has taken interest in him. He's throwing a huge GAYMER event Tuesday, May 17 at SPLASH.

(The same day my novel, Gulliver Travels comes out. Buy it! Read it! Buy ten for your Mom! Excellent "Sorry I Forgot Mother's Day" gift!")

/ Shameless Self-Promotion.

So that day when a boy wearing a Homestar Runner t-shirt gets all the attention at a Hell's Kitchen gay bar may be closer than we think.

Who knows what the future holds? Soon, collecting Pokemon cards may turn people on more than having a ten-inch member. Playing World of Warcraft may be sexier than having a six pack. And imagine if you DO those things and HAVE those other things. Good lord. I can see the future, and it is a very, very nerdy future.

So what about you, reader? Are you a gay geek?

- Justin Luke