Monday, July 11, 2011
I Don't Wait for SHIT!
Today I came across an article about a group of ladies who have been waiting outside in the disgusting summer armpit weather in order to catch the premiere of Harry Potter. To some this spells fan-dom and commitment and passion. To me it spells idiocy.
I'm sorry, readers. I've always been an impatient fellow. It works both ways, though. I am almost immediately responsive to emails, IMs, texts (unless I'm avoiding you, or sleeping, or sleeping in order to avoid you). But from that I have zero to negative zero patience for things.
This extends into the art of Waiting. I just don't do it. Boyfriend Joe and I often play a game called "How long would you wait for..." and the ellipses becomes anything from Dinner with Lady Gaga to Sex with Brents Everett and Corrigan. And, in each case, I end up losing. Because even waiting over an hour for anything is more than I am willing to wait for anything.
This used to upset me. Was I just not passionate about anything? I've met Gaga Nuts who will wait days and days to see her sing a single song live. People who get up at 5 am and tent out to see Justin Timberlake when he makes one of his one hundred Saturday Night Live appearances. They bring their food and chairs and sleeping bags and commence to waiting.
And I'm sorry, I don't care if Jesus was handing out winning lottery tickets - I wouldn't wait for it. Every minute I spend waiting for something feels like an hour.
Luckily, I rarely care about anything enough to wait for it. The Harry Potter premiere? Well fuck a duck, I guess I'll see it in a week or two. A Lady Gaga concert? Well shit, she'll clearly NEVER come back to New York again (let alone three times on the SAME tour). A free ticket to Shakespeare in the Park? I'll just pay the $90 and walk past the people who have been getting drenched in the rain sitting on the dirt in Central Park to claim my ticketed seat.
Why? Do I have better things I could be doing? Well, yes, yes I do. And those better things are ANYTHING. I don't care if I'm clipping my nails and playing Super Smash Brothers. In my mind, this is a more fruitful use of my time than sitting in a line somewhere for an indefinite period of time. Let everyone else wait, I'll either see whatever they're going to see later, or skip it and check out the videos later on YouTube.
I guess the only exception to this rule is rides at theme parks. I did actually wait 2 hours to ride the Harry Potter Experience at Universal Studios. Was it worth it? Not on your life. Because, as we left the ride (our minds thoroughly blown, mind you) we learned that our wait would have been only twenty minutes if we had gone on as single riders.
I haven't even been able to sit for the entire production of Waiting for Godot, or the film Waiting for Guffman. That's how serious this is. I'll walk into Duane Reade or American Eagle or the pizzeria and see a line at the registers and turn right around and walk right back out. Most people see a line and think: "oooh that must be a HOT event." I see a line and think: "ooooh their feet must be KILLING them."
I will repeat this: NOTHING and again ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is worth waiting longer than 30 minutes for. Not for me, at least. If you are unbelievably passionate about someone or something, I'm not about to tell you you're wasting your time. Especially considering how many Facebook statuses I see every day where people lament how bored they are when they have nothing to do. I am ONLY bored when I'm waiting for something. Otherwise, I will fill my free time quicker than a martini glass at a party, and have a lot more fun doing it.
What about you. What would YOU wait days and days for? I'm curious to find out.
- Justin Luke