Monday, August 1, 2011

Nocturnal Admission

To say I am not a morning person is an understatement. I've met not-morning-people. They may be a bit grumpy, a bit sleepy-eyed as they begin their days. But, overall, they are still generally pleasant people who, in time, warm up to the day ahead of them and off they go.

This is not me.

I am a night owl that puts other owls to shame. If the sun is out, I'd rather be inside, hiding from it, willing it to dip beneath the horizon quicker than usual. How many of you wake up in the morning, feeling like absolute shit... even when you WEREN'T out late at night drinking and doing destructive things? This is me raising my hand.

If I could strategically skip every morning from now until the day I die, I'd be a much happier person. To know me in the morning is to know a jerk who doesn't want to know you. My head hurts. My throat hurts. My SOUL hurts. Ditto for my skin, stomach, and even my hands. There is no part of me that doesn't suffer when I must wake up before 11 AM. And it doesn't matter HOW much sleep I got the night before.

And when I'm out in the daylight, even with my eyes closed my retinas STILL burn from the exposure. It's like I'm one of those blind bats that spend their lives in caves. Or, more accurately, that I'm one of those bats... one forced to go and work a day job despite its very nature.

Now, the evening. Ah. Now we're talking. When the moon comes out and the sky goes black and New York City fires up its million lights in its million windows... THAT'S when I'm alive. I catch sight of the absent sun and THAT'S when I wake up. When it's night time I'm like a different person. I'm funny! And witty! And usually rather energetic! This is when you want to know me.

And it doesn't matter how late I go. I can go til the morning, so long as I don't go to sleep. But, as soon as I do, you better let me hibernate until late afternoon, or you'll be dealing with the gay version of the Incredible Hulk. JUSTIN NEED SLEEP! ::fist-slam::

This set-up works wonders for my nightlife promoting job. It also wreaks equal parts havoc on my day job. My 9-5 colleagues get to experience me at my most silent and brooding while my nightlife compatriots get to pound back the shots with me as we dance into the night. Whoops. Oh well. Sorry?

Do I wish I were a morning person? To be honest, I wish I was an any-time person. But that doesn't seem to be my lot in life. Ever since childhood I've gone to sleep late, and done most of my best work late into the evening hours. This was a special sort of trouble when I was in high school and had to be up at 6 am (it hurts my teeth just to type that). Now I am lucky enough to be able to sleep until 7:30... but even that's not enough. I need to get a set-up that lets me snooze til 10 or later. Now THAT is something I could get behind.

What about you? Are you a morning person? A night person? Both? Neither?

- Justin Luke

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