The Great Gulliver Giveaway WINNERS!

UPDATE: My novel, Gulliver Travels is NOW ON SALE! You can grab the eBook or Paperback over at the book's official website, www.GrabGully.com!

It's been a long and hard road, friends and supporters.

Yesterday, with no particular thought behind it, I announced a contest on Facebook to help keep buzz growing for my upcoming gay nightlife novel, Gulliver Travels (coming out May 17!).

The response was MASSIVE, with over 200 total responses across all the places I posted it. Needless to say, my original plan to give THREE prizes quickly proved silly.

So I changed it up, and increased the prizes.

There are NINE total prizes (and winners).

FOUR GRAND PRIZE WINNERS will be turned into characters IN the story. Immortalized within the pages of this hopefully soon-to-be-best-seller. They, of course, will also receive an uber-advanced digital copy of the book, over a month and a half before it comes out for sale.

FIVE RUNNERS UP will also receive the uber-advanced digital copy. I also gave them a briefer, cameo appearance in the book. Not as major as the grand prize winners... but they're still in there!

It was tough to pick the winners (mostly because I don't own a hat and had to find SOMEWHERE to throw the names to randomly draw from).

But HERE THEY ARE:

GRAND PRIZE WINNERS:

Mikey "BlueEyes" Dolan

Jayare Demoranville 

Chris Van Cleave

Rowell Adrian

AND THE RUNNERS-UP 

Note: While you didn't become full characters, I've given you EACH a cameo in the book... keep an eye out for yourselves :)


MATT MAGER
COTI TYLER
DAVID MICHAEL
AJ ZIRPOLI
STEVEN TYLOR O'CONNOR

Thanks to EVERYONE for participating! As soon as I get your emails, I'll send you the uber-advanced digital copy of the book, complete with you in a starring or cameo role!

And remember: GULLIVER TRAVELS comes out May 17... tell EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

xo Justin Luke

Sam Tsui Rocks "BORN THIS WAY!"

Sam Tsui had his work set out for him. Of course he would have to cover Born This Way. He would never be forgiven if he didn't. He tore the world a new musical asshole when he covered Brit-Brit's "Hold It Against Me"... but, really, how hard was that for him? Not very, I'd say.

But when you're dealing with Gaga the musical genius... if you're gonna cover him, you better do something fucking fantastic. A little Canadian girl already covered her straight with a keyboard... so work would have to be done.

Well, boys, today Mr. Tsui released his video and cover of Gaga's Born This Way.

And it's fucking stellar. I've already ripped it with Listen to YouTube and have it on repeat. What a sweet voice. What a pleasant piano line. Great editing and a rich quality.

Sam Tsui, will you marry me?



- Justin Luke

T-Mobile's MyTouch Ads: A Gay Twink and Daddy Love Story

This should be the main photo for the website Daddy Finder.

When Apple came out with their famous "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" ads, they got one thing right, and one thing wrong. They were right to have The Daily Show's John Hodges as PC. He was cute, nerdy and endearing (though, granted, it probably made PC look a lot sweeter than its actual digital counterpart).

They were dead-wrong when they picked their Mac stand-in. Justin Cronin, while cute, came off as a sardonic, cocky asshole. And he wasn't even THAT cute. Plus, he sorta looked like a hipster right off the L train from Brooklyn. Which I guess makes sense given their target demographic.

But man, T-Mobile got it right with their spinoff "I'm an iPhone, and I'm a T-Mobile phone" ads. Your iPhone 4 is a dyed blonde twink! Total queen central! Also totally accurate when you think of who OWNS an iPhone 4. Granted, iPhone 4 tries to "straighten up" his performance, but we all know he's got all sorts of firewire plugs going in and out of him on a nightly basis (and you should see how much he downloads if he's turned on long enough, woof!)

I mean, I have to admit: this is excellent casting. It's also quite a telling Daddy and Twink love story. In the commercials, Big Bald Daddy AT&T strips the clothing off of his twinky iPhone 4. Scandalous!





And then there's that other commercial, where we catch Daddy AT&T mounting and trying to unsuccessfully top the twinky iPhone 4. Gross! And remember, you gotta take your clothes off first!





Bad AT&T! Don't you know that you need to pony up the cash if you want to be seen with a blonde and cute iPhone 4? You're the worst kind of daddy, Daddy.

- Justin Luke

Sometimes You Just Want to See a Blonde Boy's Booty Pop

One of the members of Gorgeous, Gay, and Twenty-Something, the new group I created on Facebook posted this video today.

Two things

One: Why is booty popping so hot, especially on a kid who looks so nonplussed while he sets to popping?

Two: How the FUCK does a booty pop that way? I can barely dance without falling over, and being able to move an ass like you're viciously shaking a Jell-O mold has always impressed me.

This video comes courtesy from GG20-S member Trevor Cypret (¹BABii FR3SH¹ ... not sure how that's pronounced, exactly).

Check out his YouTube channel for more sexy slutting dance videos. If that's your sort of thing.



- Justin Luke

Being Sick Sucks

One of the things I often hear is that I'm a bit of a brick shit house. Nothing stands in Justin Luke's way! So move! He'll barrel through anything that tries to step between him and what he wants. I'm impervious to disease, weakness, exhaustion. I am an endless automaton who will blow up anything and everything and not even feel the scorch marks that result from the explosion.

That is for the most part true, except when I am sick. Which I am right now. And when I'm sick, I'm anything but the monster machine man that everyone tells me I am. I am sniffling and whining. I am coughing and sneezing and wheezing. My eyes are half-closed and my mouth half-open. I even whimper every ten or so minutes.

Yes, when I'm sick, I become an Instant Pussy.

This is in part BECAUSE I am basically unstoppable. I get sick, usually, one and a half times a year. So when some sort of renegade illness penetrates my Norton Anti-Virus body, I get walloped and left for dead on the side of the road.

The most annoying part is that my brain is always the same. It's wanting to get up, run around, take on the world. But my body is sniffling and pleading it to just lie down and rest. And so my brain gets hella pissed and starts bitching and screaming at my body: Move it, you wuss! Get your shit together and let's go take trapeze lessons or something!

My body usually then starts crying or groaning.

Seriously. When I'm sick, it's like I'm trapped on my couch between a triathlete with untreated attention deficit disorder and an overweight slug that somehow learned to speak. It's not fun. It's a frustrating, snot-ridden affair.

Needless to say, I plan on drinking a carton of OJ today. I will allow myself to be sick for up to 24 hours. After that, my brain won't have any more of it. My body gets one pity day every six months. After that, it had better buck up and get moving. There's shit to be done.

I'd write more, but I have to go blow my fucking nose. Grrr.

- Justin Luke

The Gay, Twenty-Something Garden of Eden Has Come to Facebook

What if there were a place where you could go where everyone was in your age range? And what if they were all gay men? And what if they were all absurdly attractive?

Well, my friends, that place now exists. It's a group I created for fun yesterday on Facebook called Gorgeous, Gay and Twenty-Something. I didn't expect much from it...

And then it exploded in about two hours.

I put 20 people in and, at press time, the group now features over 800 gorgeous gay men from around the world who are in their 20's. How do I know this is so? Because I hired a bunch of admins to work with me to make sure that the group prioritizes quality over quantity.

The irony is the fact that we've got quantity AND quality.

What's going on in GG20-S right now? All sorts of things. People are getting dates. Planning hook-ups. Casting shows and photo shoots. Taking polls. Networking for business reasons. It's actually a ridiculously active and exciting group that I am very proud of.

The membership fees are simple: you must add 5 of your own gorgeous, gay and twenty-something friends in order to remain in the garden, lest you be exiled for not contributing and sharing with your GG20-S brothers.

I invite you all to join the group, too. Just click this link RIGHT HERE.

See you on the other side!

- Justin Luke

Broadway Bares Posters SNEAK PEEK!

Have you ever heard of Broadway Bares? Well, if you like hot guys and helping people with HIV and AIDS, you need to.

Every year, Equity Fights AIDS, a non-profit offshoot of the Equity actors association stages this event at The Roseland Ballroom. The hottest guys and gals of Broadway (including plenty of celebrities) come out and strip down to NOTHING to raise money for this awesome cause.

Last year the theme was Strip-opoly, based on the popular Parker Brothers game. This year, they are taking a more... artistic approach. The show this year is called MASTER PIECE... and the many porny vignettes will be based on famous pieces of art.

Exciting!

Tickets are already on sale. Get them here! Be sure to keep your calendar WIDE OPEN, and start saving your money. Tickets sell FAST to this sucker.

This is an event no one should miss - for both personal pleasure and philanthropic reasons.

(Thanks to Erin for the tip.)

- Justin Luke

Gulliver Central: Your Go-To for Justin Luke's Novel, Gulliver Travels!

UPDATE: My novel, Gulliver Travels is NOW ON SALE! You can grab the eBook or Paperback over at the book's official website, www.GrabGully.com!

It's getting closer, friends! My first published novel, Gulliver Travels, will be hitting Amazon, Nook, and Kindle on Tuesday, May 17. In case you have NO idea what Gulliver is about, here's a brief synopsis:

Heartbroken and hungry for a new start, Gulliver Leverenz flees his family, friends, and bastard of an ex-boyfriend in Los Angeles, with his sights set on New York City – a place he’s only ever heard of.

With no money, no job, and no direction, Gully lands in NYC’s hottest gayborhood, Hell’s Kitchen, living with his only friend — fraternity brother and current rising gay nightlife star, Todd DiTempto.

From Midtown to Fire Island and everywhere in between, Gulliver sinks fast into the chaotic life of sex, booze, and boys. Just barely scraping by in the city that never sleeps (alone, at least), Gully quickly discovers that this strange, concrete jungle has some major surprises in store. Luckily he has some tricks up his sleeve, and he isn’t afraid to use his claws.

In other words, be sure to expect a dramatic, sexy, and metropolitan adventure when you crack open the pages (or ePages) of Gulliver Travels.


And, with 20 days to go... advance reviews are POURING IN! 

“Justin Luke’s Gulliver Travels is a sexy romp around Manhattan that any gay boy will enjoy devouring.  In a city dominated by the beautiful elite, Gulliver struggles to find his place, weaving his way in and out of the urban drama like a needle lost in a haystack.  Luckily, like a glittery drunken fly on the wall of all of New York’s gay bars, we're all invited for the ride.  Mirroring Gulliver's own seduction by New York's undeniable allure, Justin Luke's language is entrancing and magnetic, guiding us through our own rediscovery of a city we thought we already knew.”

- Bradford Proctor, Programming Coordinator for Logo TV

“It would be an understatement to call “Gulliver Travels” the must-read gay youth book of 2011 purely because Justin Luke’s debut novel is so much more than that. Gulliver hit the ground running, stumbling into and out of the New York gay bar scene and all gays – twinks and cubs alike, are invited to indulge in a taste of the fast-paced lifestyle we city boys find ourselves encountering nightly. The situations Gulliver finds himself in are realistic and captivating, scandalous yet fulfilling for our dirty little craving for drama and excitement.”

- Beau Alexander Castro, Fashion Marketing Major at the Fashion Institute of Technology

 
If you want to follow Gulliver's adventures on Facebook, be sure to become a fan of his Facebook fan page.

- Justin Luke

My Own Private Orgasm: Hot Guy Sings Simpsons Medley!

I love hot guys. I love acoustic guitar covers. And, goddammit, I love The Simpsons.

This swoopy haired dreamboat goes by the name Fredde Gredde... and if he ever showed up at my apartment I would try to seduce him immediately, but only after he plucked this awesome Simpsons medley for me live (I have a guitar, he doesn't even have to bring his own).

Happy Birthday, Lisa! The Stonecutters Song! Who Needs The Qwik-E-Mart! Almost ALL of my favorites are here (just missing the whore house song (We Put The Spring! in Springfield) and Troy McClure's numbers from Planet of the Apes, the musical). Maybe a sequel is in store?

Thanks to my girl Erin for posting this YouTube video to my wall and giving me the best start to a morning I've had in a long time!



- Justin Luke

The Glee Scene Where Kurt and Blaine Make Out

What more needs to be said? We gays have been patiently PATIENTLY! waiting for Kurt and Blaine to make-out since Fox and Glee promised us Kurt's First Gay Kiss, only to have him kiss-raped by the not-too-cute closeted football meat-head character, Dave months ago. (We were doubly dissed when they then forced us to watch Mr. Shuester make out with Coach Bieste. THANKS GLEE!

So I've abandoned Glee in the past few months. I just can't stand how touch-and-go the show can be. (Mostly go, and the touch is often painful). I still support it by buying Warblers a capella tracks on iTunes, but I just can't sit there and watch shit pile up in front of me for an hour on my television.

So thank God for Hulu and its ability to post only segments of shows. I have given you the very significant Kurt-Blaine kiss right here. It's a good one. They really went for it. Bravo, Glee!




- Justin Luke

Broadway's The Normal Heart is Holding $10,000 for Marriage Equality Hostage

Stick this in the "disgusting and shamelessly selfish social media tactics" folder, and then set that folder on fire.

A revival of a classic play, "The Normal Heart," a touching show written by Larry Kramer about the AIDS epidemic in the 80s and the horrors that went with it is coming to Broadway. And its producers have a nice, helpful $10,000 to donate to fight for Marriage Equality.

But they will not give that money to help the cause until 10,000 people decide to like them on Facebook. If that doesn't happen by opening night, I imagine the producers will use that money to wipe their asses.

Do NOT be tricked by this ploy. It is shameful. In fact, I ask all of you to let The Normal Heart know how despicable this action is by messaging them directly and re-posting this blog so everyone finds out. Or start an anti-page on Facebook. The Normal Heart is about activism... so maybe we give them a dose of their own medicine.

10,000 Facebook fans? Really Normal Heart? Is that YOUR pound of flesh? You should know better.

How about you just boldly give that $10,000 to help marriage equality and reap the benefits of do-gooder press mentions?

This is doubly putrid when you realize it has to do with a play with a strong gay equality message. How dare they hijack and hold hostage this money until AND ONLY IF they get 10,000 fans. It's slimy and vile. I am so enraged.

If this were a Skittles campaign, or a campaign by any other company or business (besides one so focused on gays and their freedoms) this would be a fine tactic. It's not their brand or message or essence and they're stepping out to help others.

But to be a play about and for the service of gay people, and then to so shamelessly dangle help over our heads while saying "do some flips for us, little monkeys, then MAYBE you'll get your banana if you please us enough" is in astoundingly poor taste.

Fuck you, The Normal Heart. You should know better. You should change course immediately.

If you don't, at least the gay community will know where your heart REALLY is.

- Justin Luke

My New Hero is a Chubby Australian Boy

Okay boys, here's something you might not know about me. Before I became "Justin Luke," and actually made friends and established a personality for myself in NYC, I was a completely different person. In fact, back in elementary school, I was just a fat kid with no friends, and a lot of enemies. The worst part is I was fat when NO ONE was fat. Nowadays, half of America is packing on the pudge. Not so when I was in elementary school. I was THE fat kid.

So, needless to say, daily bullying was part of the cross I had to bear at Shore Road Elementary School. I was embarrassed, attacked, chided, and tortured every single day leading up to when I embraced anorexia and the drama club in my first year of high school. It sucked. I went home and cried a lot. My parents had no idea what to do.

So you must understand that it warms my heart and makes me do a little cheerleader dance when I see this video that has set the internet on FIRE. It's a chubby boy named Casey being bullied by some skinny dick twerp named Richard all the way out in Australia.

The scene is every day I went through in elementary school... with one small change: Casey grabs Richard, hoists him overhead and JACKKNIFE POWERBOMBS THE LITTLE SHIT TO THE CEMENT!

As a big fan of Pro-Wrestling, I also applaud Casey's AMAZING execution of the move. Granted, Richard should have been driven down on his back, but I imagine the damage was done, considering how he limps and sways away towards the camera as Casey takes his victory lap.

Watch and cheer on with the rest of the world. It is the ultimate anti-bullying video. Fat, Former Justin is screaming and dancing, too.




- Justin Luke

Boys Don't Cry, But They Sure Do Laugh!

Do you remember the film Boys Don't Cry? It's a sad tale about a boy named Brandon Teena, who is actually a biological female named Teena Brandon. It features the similarly sad song by The Cure as one of its many soundtrack tunes.

The story is simple: Based on actual events. Brandon Teena is the popular new guy in a tiny Nebraska town. He hangs out with the guys, drinking, cussing, and bumper surfing, and he charms the young women, who've never met a more sensitive and considerate young man. Life is good for Brandon, now that he's one of the guys and dating hometown beauty Lana. However, he's forgotten to mention one important detail. It's not that he's wanted in another town for GTA and other assorted crimes, but that Brandon Teena was actually born a woman named Teena Brandon. When his best friends make this discovery, Brandon's life is ripped apart. 

Not funny, right? Nothing funny at all.

Until now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you "Thank You... Next," a mockumentary I just found out about this morning thanks to someone named Robbi from the production.

Boys Don't Cry is NOT funny. Remember I just said that. What IS funny is this gay Christopher Guest-style mockumentary about a bunch of theater production divas who decide to put on a musical version of Boys Don't Cry. That in itself is outright ridiculous. And it only gets crazier from there.

It's The Comeback meets Waiting for Guffman with a dash of Best in Show.

Even crazier? It features a former college buddy of mine, Broadway (and Mamma Mia's) Mr. Broadway, Frankie James Grande!

The best part about "Thank You... Next" is that it's a web series - which means you don't even need to turn on the damn television to watch it! The current episodes are all right here. 

The show currently has 3 episodes and B-Sides (outtakes from the episodes) posted on their site and will be filming more in April/May. They are also going to be a part of the LA Web Series Festival at the end of March.

Give the series a watch, and prepare to laugh, clowns.

And check out the trailer right here:


- Justin Luke

Videos of the Tsunami to Fuck Your Shit Up

The words "Tsunami" and "Earthquake" mean a different thing when you're thousands of miles away from where they are happening, and you're sitting at your desk, slightly hung over and munching on your lunch salad from Chop't.

Then you click over to CNN and see a video montage of the devastation that the tsunami has done in Japan. It's scary as fuck, friends. Like watching toys thrown into a bathtub. Except they're people. And houses. Buildings. Imagine a billion-foot wave in the sky above you and you have no idea where to run as it hits its apex and comes crashing down on top of you.

Scary. Watch for yourself, and then click here to donate and make a difference.




- Justin Luke

A Gay Twilight Rip-Off That Sucks Harder Than The Original

The majority of gay movies in this world aren't very good. A few films stand out as the ONLY good gay films in existence:


Trick
 

Broken Hearts Club


Milk. 


Brokeback Mountain.


But then there's the pile of nipply, bulging crap that makes up the rest of the films out there made with gay men in mind. And how, might you ask, do you make a movie with gay men in mind? Well, the traditional formula seems to be: hot, shirtless guys occasionally making out. As long as you have that, you have a gay movie!

And here's the newest crapfest to saunter past my watchful eyes: Vampire Boys. It seems like the gay, beaten, bastard child of Twilight and True Blood, with no originality thrown in whatsoever. There are cute, very gayish guys, and one kiss in the trailer. Might I add that the blood on the vampire's face looks fake as hell.

I am too hung over to deal with Vampire Boys this morning. Suffice it to say that it looks like a terrible film and I will forgive a total of none of you if you go see it / rent it / stream it / buy it. This is my official warning: Vampire Boys will suck. I hate that I can't use the word suck any more without it being seen as a pun. Fuck the puns. This movie just sucks. Not blood. Not with fangs. As in it's a low, bottom-dwelling carp of a thing that will devour your soul, time, money, and very life.

How do I know? Well it has more "dislikes" on YouTube than it has likes, and the folks who uploaded it have disabled the comments, which is a way to keep your YouTube page clean from mean comments about how unoriginal and retardedly stupid your movie rip-off is, and forces angry gay bloggers like me to instead chew you out a new asshole in longer form on their blogs.

Remember when vampires were awesome? I mean like, years ago. Before they got all pussyfied, gayified, popified and essentially neutered. At this point they've been reduced to glittering, long haired, quick-running, and now flamboyant and blond shells of their former selves. I would give anything to return to the backwards crab-walking, exquisitely dressed Count in his lonely castle and the wild, horrifying lower-class vampires roaming the country side and attacking cattle.

Hell, I'd even pay a dollar to return to the vampires of the Leslie Nielsen era.

Stay away from Vampire Boys. You've been warned.



If you want to see a REAL gay Twilight rip-off, I recommend you check out Twinklight (NSFW).

Yes, it's hardcore gay twink porn. Which is EXACTLY what a gay vampire movie should be.




- Justin Luke

Get HIGH, and look DAMN FANCY doin' it

Seriously, bitch. You can do better than this!

Back in college, you probably smoked your weed out of whatever was handy. A cored apple. A small chocolate milk carton. One of those ridiculous circus bongs that look like they were forged from the back of a Hippie's Woodstock van. Why? Because you had to. Because you wanted to get stoned and the result was better than the delivery method.

But now you're older. You have more money. You've got some class (let's hope). But one thing hasn't changed: YOU STILL WANNA GET BLAZED! Am I right mother fuckers? Let's get high! Someone put on Congo or that DVD collection of Ren and Stimpy, let's get some Doritos up in this bitch and have a silly laughy giggly night in!

Well, luckily for all of you well-to-do weed smokers, there's now a gorgeous solution that looks good enough to keep out in public, and works well enough to give all of your friends the munchies.

I present to you the Awmoo.

Seriously, how hot is that? I don't even smoke (not since college, seriously guys!) But I might pull a toke or two off of this sexy beast. In fact, this pipe may be fancier than anything else currently in my apartment. Hell, I might just buy it to class up the damn hovel.

Here's what the Awmoo's designers had to say:

Awmoo is a new elegant smoking device for the aesthetically-conscious. It's handmade in the U.S. out of high-quality bone china.  

And what does Awmoo MEAN?

"Awmoo is a word that we made up out of the first two letters from two words that we both try to live by. Awareness and moderation. And the extra "o" was added because we liked the way it sounded."

Fair enough. I mean, I figured it's the sound you make when you're stoned out of your face and your mouth is half filled with a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Either way!

So here's the scoop. Wanna buy the Awmoo? It's only available in certain states, and made to order:

If you're interested in ordering one please visit www.awmoo.com. At the moment we can sell in the following states: AK, AZ, CA, CO, HI, ME, MI, MT, NV, NJ, NM, OR, RI, VT, WA and select international destinations. You can also "like" us on facebook :)

So New Yorkers - want an Awmoo? Ship it to your girlfriend's place in the Dirty Jerz and then Awmoo Road Trip! Talk about a ride to remember (or forget as you finish housing your fourth bag of Munchies featuring Sun Chips).

- Justin Luke

Sassy Gay Friend Takes on Black Swan!

It's about time that everyone's favorite Sassy Gay Friend tackled some pop-sensitive material! In this un-glamorous shaky-cam video, Sassy Gay Friend consoles his friend, the leading ballerina from the movie Black Swan.

It isn't as slick as the second-most-recent Great Expectations sketch, but there's no product placement, and far funnier jokes. Seriously. Oh, and I'll bet the camera quality has something to do with the shaky-cam quality of the actual movie. If not, it's a great excuse for the dip.

Oh and SPOILER ALERT. While this is hilarious, if you've never seen the movie, expect all sorts of secrets to be spilled on your virginal ears. WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!



- Justin Luke

The Newest Fleshjack is Making Me Uncomfortable

Warning: Every link on this post is NSFW.

Once upon a time, sex toys were severely limited if you were a top (or top-preferred). Basically you could fuck a blow up doll that looked like a kid's toy, or you could fuck a large mechanical vagina that looked disturbingly like a pencil sharpener.

Then, one day, God came down from the Heavens and gave unto us the Fleshjack (don't click that link if you're at work, boys.)

It looked like a flashlight, but, hiding beneath its innocent twisty cover was a perfectly formed midget butt or mouth (or if you were a straight guy, a vagina. Ew.) What a great toy! Of course I splurged and spent $200 on it.

Fleshjack comes with your choice of entry point, and your choice of interior: all matters of curves and bumps and ridges to take your junk to levels of pleasure it will never experience in a human cavity (I think this is fair since I've never met a man who stacks up to the dildos on sale at Christopher Street, save for the porn stars who encased their members in plaster of paris like a 2nd grader to make them).

From there, Fleshjack got REALLY popular. They were able to release new fun products. Like the IceJack, which was clear and let you see what was happening inside - something you could never do without cutting open your partner while getting it on, or doing the nasty in an x-ray machine.

Or Count Cockula, the beer can with a gentle-fanged mouth for when Vampires were all the rage and all anyone wanted was some fellatio from Edward or anyone on True Blood.

And then, most recently, a whole suite of sweets modeled after some of the biggest gay porn stars in the world.

These are all well and good... but I'm not sure how I feel about Fleshjack's latest product launch, which just came to my email. It's called Fleshjack Pure, and it might just mean that the Fleshjackers are running out of good ideas.

Mmmmm Jelly Donut... WAIT A MINUTE!

The copy says this:

"Pleasure connoisseurs know that two things create the perfect Fleshjack experience: getting into the action fast, and the splendid subtleties of a well-designed, highly-stimulating inner texture. With the all-new PURE, you'll find we've delivered a truly discreet and unique Fleshjack experience. From the brand new, exhilarating inner texture; to the specially-designed and stealthy orifice that gets you to the pleasure sooner, there's never been a more PURE Fleshjack experience."

Note: Next time someone asks how that hook-up was that you went home with the night before, be sure to credit the one-night-stand with a "stealthy orifice."

In other words, they have surgically removed the butt and mouth and created a neutered hole where there was once an orifice. And it's pink.

... I don't like it! It's a very odd thing to look at. I understand there's minimal barrier to entry... but don't we want some push-back on our pushing? Otherwise it's like we're burying our man meat in a Jell-o mold or bowl of pudding. It's American Pie all over again!

And I can't get over the fact that it'll make you look like you're giving it good to a floating strawberry frosted donut. If that's where we're headed, I'll just go around the corner to Dunkin Donuts and buy one of them for 50 cents. They come with sprinkles and I can eat it when I'm done.

Also, it just feels lazy. They ripped everything off, and re-packaged it with a new name. It's almost like the butt-cheek-folding machine busted down and the lip implant robots went on strike and they were left with a bunch of Fleshjack Holes. Sex munchkins, if you will.

Maybe you feel differently... how do YOU think the Fleshjack Pure looks?

- Justin Luke

Gays Aren't Fab Enough for Fab.com

Remember when I wrote yesterday about how Fab.com was killing off their imitative brainchild, The Big Gay Daily Deal? I had no idea that when they kicked that failed bitch into the East River that it had the entire Fab.com website tied to it.

But this was apparently the case, because the gay social network you begrudgingly knew as Fab.com is DEAD. Gone! Kaput!

::Insert rendition of "Ding, Dong, The Witch is Dead" from The Wizard of Oz.::

I'm sorry, trusted readers, it's true! And I have to say I didn't give all of you enough credit. I would post my rants about the service and hear gays telling me "Fab is fab! It's amazing!" And I feared that you would forever be taken advantage of by this disingenuous "me-too!" rip-off site that treated you like gerbils at a food pellet machine while raping your private information so they could make good cash in advertising.

Well, turns out you're smarter than I could have even hoped! You knew Fab sucked, and you didn't use it (or didn't use it enough to justify their investment) and so Fab.com is making a complete transition to a DAILY DESIGN DEALS site.

Any gay that went to Fab.com today to get their daily serving of SPAM Fab Bits came upon this message. Of course this message is just as dishonest and ridiculous as the site that spawned it. They claim that because gays are getting more rights, there's no need for a special gay social network. Hell, there's no need to cater to gays at all, any longer! Instead Fab.com will now offer deals to STRAIGHT PEOPLE TOO!

Let's not even begin to tackle just how rude of an action it is to basically give your loyal user base (however paltry they may be) NO WARNING WHATSOEVER that you are about to shut down all of their profiles. I hope they're still letting their users collect their paid-for Big Gay Daily Deals, otherwise they may have a lawsuit on their hands. No respect there, Fab. Shows how you viewed your users...

As useless.

And since you didn't take the time to give them something new, sexy, and worthwhile, you just decided to kick them to the curb and undergo your third transformation in less than two years.

And, hey guys! We can stop all of that protesting for our rights and raising money to fight Prop 8 and fearing for our safety in neighborhoods that don't welcome gays because FAB SAYS EVERYTHING IS A-OK!

Phew. Thank God. I hate having to fight for equality. It gets in the way of my searching for Great Daily Design Deals. And hey! Fab is now giving me just that! Funny how that works out.

Please, Fab. You could have at least gone out with a dose of honesty. "Dear visitors, we're sorry for creating a shitty rip-off site that treated you as nothing better than a number on an advertising sell sheet. But guess what! You're smarter than we thought! So since we can't turn a profit on you, we're going to go and rip off a Daily Deals site... they're so hot right now. Groupon makes a lot of money, right? So maybe we can too. We're not going to add value to that either, but we're gonna have a go and hopefully make some money there, too."

This whole move reeks of the same stank that originally turned my stomach on Fab.com to begin with: they're lazy. There is PLENTY of room for a gay social network... but you have to give your visitors value and something they actually want. You can't just carbon copy what they already have, slap some rainbows, pink triangles, and unicorns on it and expect them to flock. They'll come, but they'll abandon you when they realize that you're no better than what they were using before you showed up.

So here ends my criticizing of Fab.com. I hope they make a ton of money selling designer "pencils" to soccer moms in Peoria. Hopefully they won't mind going to a website that used to cater to those "queery gays." And to the rest of you who want to make something for we gays, remember: we have classy tastes and high expectations. Don't try to dupe us. Give us something we actually want and need, and we'll treat you plenty right, and make you a ton of money.

I'd write "Rest in Peace, Fab.com" here, but I don't think the site even deserves the right to Peace. Nor does it deserve Rest. Peace out, Fab.com. Glad to see you go.

- Justin Luke

Candy is Dandy But Leather's More Clever

Feeling raunchy, my dear readers?

Can't afford the kidney and three quarters it costs to stop by The Black Party?

Well NEXT Magazine seems to have just the solution for all you filthy sluts. It's the official launch of their annual FETISH FASHION ISSUE, and it's taking place at the Source of Pure Seediness in NYC: The Eagle this coming Thursday, March 10, from 6PM-9PM.

It's a PERFECT first-stop before you come by Splash for Sherry Vine's Drag Race.

Expect the dirtiest dirt you've ever dirted. We're talking:

• Sexy live performances (and if you've ever been to The Eagle, you know "Sexy Performance" doesn't do much justice to what goes down in those dark, dank corners). 
• Tons of giveaways (Lucas Entertainment products, anyone?) 
• $4 beer and well drinks 
• Free ticket giveaways to both Rites: XXXII: The Black Party and The Black Party Expo.

Oh, and it's FREE. And as we all know, filth that comes free is the best kind of filth out there.

Want in? Be sure to RSVP right here. 

Of course, if you can't RSVP, I'm sure they'll still let you and your disgusting pig bottom friends in... it's the right thing to do.

GAY IMPLOSION: Katy Perry Covers Lady Gaga's "Born This Way!"

Katy Perry is notoriously touch and go. Sometimes she sucks. Sometimes she kinds sucks. And sometimes she sings with a fierce backtrack.

Gaga, on the other hand, can do no wrong. She sings amazingly. She looks awesome in fashion shows. And she plays with 10-year-old girls on her Monster Ball Tour.

And Gaga can basically burp or blink twice quickly and get press coverage. She releases one lyric, or plays a piece of a new song in France and the press goes gaga, covering every last moment of her amazingness.

So OF COURSE Katy wants a piece of that media pooty-tang. What better way than to COVER GAGA'S BORN THIS WAY?

Guess what? Shameless though it may be, it worked. Granted, that shows Katy as bowing down to the Queen Lady. Maybe Britney should do that next... it might inspire Lady Gaga to cover Britney in exchange. Or maybe not.

Either way, here's Katy covering Born This Way. To be honest, I'd rather hear a 10-year-old sing it any day.




- Justin Luke

Mat with One T Strips Down and Gets Naugty!

It doesn't take much to make a YouTube star. Last week, my buddy and BoiParty.com co-patriot, Mat with One T, launched a video where he attacked the Queen of Pop, Britney Spears. People didn't like that. So he got a million views.

This week, Mat goes a more... sensible route. In other words, he dances to Britney's newest single "Till The World Ends" in a skimpy pair of underwear from all sorts of compromising angles.

Cheap move? Maybe. But Davey Wavey ain't video-blogging shirtless because it's hot in his apartment mmkay?

Watch it. Do what you will with it. Then stop by ANY BoiParty event to meet Mat with One T. If you're lucky, he might even let you strip him down to his undies.

Note: Because YouTube is so fucking puritanical, you'll need a login to view the video... that's what it takes, boys!




- Justin Luke

Another Strike-Out for Fab.com

Oh Fabulis, you just can't catch a break, can you? For those of you who are new to my hatred of this gay social networking site, I point you to these two other posts:

1. Fabulis isn't Fabulous, It Just Sucks A Lot

2. Fuck You Fab.com!

In those posts you will see my gripes with this service. Namely, that it is a thin piece of plastic thrown on top of Facebook with little-to-no actual value involved.

It's also a bit of a SPAM Monster (new Gaga album?) that emails and Facebooks you relentlessly, telling you about things you didn't do while on there, and telling you that you've won BITS, their arbitrary point system that sends you piles of BITS since each is worth about 1/8th of a penny.

Well, one of their latest ventures which also got my goat was the FAB DEAL OF THE DAY. A total ripoff of Groupon, the DEAL OF THE DAY offered you things you normally wouldn't need, at discounted prices you can basically find anywhere if you Googled enough.

Again, it pissed me off. It was a ripoff of yet another popular idea, and it was just "gayed" up a bit, with rainbows painted on the sides. Well, guess what? It didn't work. Which I predicted from day one.

The gay gerbils that spend their time on Fab aren't looking to buy trips to Maui, Fab, they just aren't. I could smell the upcoming failure of the FAB DEAL OF THE DAY like a pile of cooked hamburger when they somehow suckered Lucky's Burgers of NYC into giving away a $9 meal for 75 cents. I feel bad for Lucky... they didn't need Fab. They have two prominent locations in the hearts of Chelsea and Hell's Kitchen. They did Fab a favor, and I am DYING to see if Fab's involvement helped them a lick.

Anyway the email that Fab.com sent out today was a terse and vague one:

"FYI. We will shortly be replacing fab deals with a new product which will feature more than just gay deals.  We will be discontinuing the gay deals of the day immediately.  As such, it is important that you pick up your deal coupons from http://fab.com/deals/my-deals/ immediately."

So the DEAL OF THE DAY is dead, folks. Get your cheap burger or "$3 of gay marriage equality" while you still can.

OH! And another interesting bit of news: they are killing off the FAB BIT! Wait, you say, so you won't get SPAMMED ANY LONGER? Oh silly silly gay boy... what are you smoking? They're just CHANGING THE NAME to FAB DOLLARS.

Why? Because it sounds more REAL. But I won't be fooled: I'm sure Fab Dollars will have the same value (aka: no value whatsoever) as the FAB BITS. Mark my words. Watch them and you tell me if I'm wrong.

Listen, you may think I have a ridiculous hate for Fab.com. You are right. I find it disingenuous. Give me something original and worthwhile and, as all of you know, I will trumpet it victoriously and share it with thousands and thousands of people. I am ALL ABOUT sharing things that I know my friends will love.

But I cannot, in good conscience, recommend Fab.com to anyone. In fact, it's the first thing I've ever encountered where I am moved to RECOMMEND PEOPLE AWAY FROM IT. Again I implore you to save yourselves! Fab.com is useless if you're on Facebook and have at least 200 gay friends. You'll get the same exact experience with NO SPAM WHATSOEVER.

And Fab.com is just a stolen stream of your "Fab Friends" Facebook newsfeeds anyway. As I said before: no added value, and a lot of added annoyance.

Big Deal of the Day Death and Fab Bit transformation or not, my recommendation remains the same: You're Fabulous enough, so stay the fuck away from Fab.com.

- Justin Luke

Fierce Terrorism: When A Drag Queen Hijacks an NYC Subway!

You may recognize Mimi Imfurst from the many bars and clubs in NYC. She is one of the Big Apple's Biggest drag acts. If you're not from here, you may instead recognize her from Ru Paul's Drag Race, where she was eliminated after trying to body-slam another drag queen in the competition.

Well, it's been a week or so since Mimi did something extreme. I'm glad she's back on track... and I mean that literally.

That crazy bitch HIJACKED A NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY. Seriously! Her and her new girl group, Xelle, took a camera and their fab dressed selves and shot a music video for their hit single, "Party Girl." They did it all in one take and COMPLETELY ILLEGALLY.

As in without the proper permits one would need to shoot a video on the subway. As in motherfuckers have been ARRESTED for shit like that.

Brave! Ballsy (which in itself is funny when you're describing a drag queen). And you know what? FABULOUS too!

The best part about it? The video is a goddamned hoot. Watch it here, then share it with your friends.




- Justin Luke

Lady Gaga Performed with a 10-Year-Old Girl in Canada last night!

Why does everyone love Lady Gaga so? I think this video here might be one of the many answers to that question.

What OTHER artist have you ever known that would bring a 10-year-old girl on stage with her, a girl famous ONLY for her YouTube cover of a Lady Gaga song? And not just for a hug and a kiss, but to let the girl SIT ON HER LAP and play her NEWEST SINGLE with her?

This is amazing. This is why I love Lady Gaga. So many of our other divas and stars play cookie-cutter, templated shows that are the same in every town and city.

And then there's Gaga. She ONLY did this in Toronto, Canada last night. It's just so real. So human. She is sharing the stardom she always hungered for with anyone she can. This is a beautiful moment. I wish I had been there to see it. This wasn't a stunt. It was genuine. I can assure you that Maria Aragon isn't touring around in the Monster Ball Tour Bus.

Amazing, Miss Gaga. And great work Maria!

The top video is the FAMOUS (17 million views and counting) YouTube video featuring Maria. The second video is her performing live on stage with Gaga last night.








- Justin Luke

Hear the FULL version of Britney Spears' "Till The World Ends"!

It just keeps on getting better, doesn't it, my fine feathered flaming gay friends?

Britney released a sample of her single "Till The World Ends" this morning and ALREADY we've got a copy of the full version!

It's totally danceable. I can't wait til it's jamming over at TWINK! Tuesdays, Campus Thursdays and Drama Saturdays.

Oh, and she's also released a leak of a preview of her THIRD single, Criminal!

Wanna give the Queen of Pop's newest ditties a listen? Check the bottom of this post on Idolator right here.

Obama Wants Gay Marriage Equality, Republicans Want to Impeach Obama

Oh enough, already, Republicans!

Ever since Bill Clinton got his knob polished by Monica Lewinsky ever so many years ago, Republicans have gotten a little IMPEACHMENT happy, sitting on the IMPEACH button like it's a cushy chair from Crate and Barrel.

They wanted to IMPEACH Obama for the healthcare act.

Then they wanted to IMPEACH him for dealing with Arizona and Jan Brewer's racist act against immigrants.

And now they figure, hey, since Obama historically told his justice department to STOP BUGGING GAYS WHO WANT TO BE MARRIED AND HAPPY, why not use THIS as an excuse to impeach him too?

I can't take it, friends. I just can't. Yes! Let's impeach the president for trying to begin the process of treating gays like they're normal human beings, versus a gang of butt-fucking boy beasts who should be kept in cages and fed water only on occasion. Because THAT is what we should spend our time, money, effort, and congressional hours on: bitch-slapping the president and an entire segment of the American population.




Despicable. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is we could see this coming from a mile away.

I'll say it again as I've said it before: being a gay Republican is one of the most self-hating gestures a human can make. Smaller government and lower taxes? Yeah, maybe we can get behind that. But to align with a party that wants to remove a sitting president for throwing you a fragment of a bone of equality?

Disgusting.

- Justin Luke

Look Out, Gaga! Britney Spears LEAKS a NEW SINGLE!

Oh man the war is heating up. First Gaga and Britney go at it with competing video and single releases.

Then, yesterday Gaga premiered her newest single, "Government Hooker" at a fashion show in Paris (which she also walked... and looked great doing!)



Well, Brit-Brit won't be standing idly by and letting Gaga get ahead of her! So what we have now is a 30-second teaser of Britney's NEXT single, "Till The World Ends." It's super poppy and catchy, and it was actually written by Ke$ha and produced by Dr. Luke and Max Martin (Firework, anyone?)

What's next, ladies? Keep this Cold War going... I'm loving the fallout!

Listen to the sneak peek of Britney's "Till The World Ends" RIGHT HERE!

- Justin Luke

The Sexiest, Gayest "Hold It Against Me" Parody I've Seen Yet

Yes, Ryan James Yezak has already released HIS version of Hold It Against Me... and it was great!

Problem was the video had a lot more WOMEN in it than I usually like to see. In fact, the camera spent more time on scantily clad women, than it did men. Why!?

I respect that Ryan is branching out to perhaps widen his audience... but that doesn't satiate my intense need to see nearly naked boys making out to pop songs that I love.

Enter the boys of CRUSH, an anti-smoking gay organization. They use the very powerful tool of hot guys in tiny underwear in the pursuit of getting gay men to stub out their butts and take to putting healthier things between their lips.

God bless them for being anti-smoking and pushing a health-related cause. But GODS bless them for this "parody" of Britney Spears' Hold It Against Me, which I believe is their newest viral promotional tool.

While it's not as technically masterful or even innovative, it features all the parts any pop spoof needs:

1. Butts
2. Bulges
3. Sexy near-naked dudes
4. Sexy near-naked dudes making out
5. Britney Spears!

What more can you ask for? Not much, says I.

Watch. And if it somehow gets you to quit smoking, good work Crush!



- Justin Luke

BEWARE Psycho Deadly Escalators!!

The (now deceased) comedian Mitch Hedberg used to have a joke about escalators, and how they are the greatest inventions...

"They never break! Sorry, this escalator has temporarily become stairs... SORRY FOR THE CONVENIENCE."

That's funny, Mitch. But you were thinking in the wrong direction. Escalators CAN break in a terrible way, as this horrifying video of an escalator going nutzo in DC during Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's Rally to Restore Sanity shows.

Escalators slowing down sucks, but down-going escalators SPEEDING UP is a horrific thing to watch. And I can only imagine what it would be like to be ON that escalator.

Seriously - this is some scary horror movie type shit. Why do all films focus on the deadliness of elevators plummeting to the ground floor from the high rise? (Which, by the way, I've heard could NEVER HAPPEN because they have a brake that would freeze them in place until the building, itself, fell down).

We need a new movie focused on an escalator gone awry. It can be Speed 4: DEATHscalator!

So damn creepy, man.



- Justin Luke

Gay Sex on Craigslist: Hot or Horrifying?

There are a ton of websites out there for a guy who just wants to get it good and hard right the hell now. Manhunt. Adam 4 Adam. Grindr. Any dating site (ESPECIALLY members who say they're NOT into hooking up right away... the damned liars). These are websites built explicitly for the explicit.

It is why they exist to begin with.

And then there's Craigslist. And sex on Craigslist is just something I cannot get behind, or in front of, or even side-saddle with. I'm sorry. Am I being judgmental? Maybe.

The question is why: why do I look down on Craigslisting and not on the other sex and hook-up sites?

Well, my guess is that I've always looked down on Craigslist in general. I won't buy an apartment or DVD on there, so why would I stop by to buy me some booty? I wouldn't. The site is filled with liars and scam artists and far too many CAPITALIZED LETTERS.

It hurts my eyes, my soul, and fills me with immediate distrust.

Also, the look of Craigslist certainly doesn't help matters. It's plain-jane design makes it look almost as attractive as a pissed-on bathroom wall in the back of a dive bar. All those links. All those misspelled words.

It also feels cheap. At least the owners of the other sites put the time in to make it look good, and offer you options. Craigslist sex posts often feature blurry, improperly sized photos in a layout no better than slapping a "Missing Dog" poster on a telephone booth or stop sign.

And finally: why would I want to procure a blow job from the same place I might procure a blow dryer? I don't go cruising at cornerside flea markets or Sam's Club, do you?

Oh, and there's something about the other sites. To be on Manhunt, you must pay. There is a certain legitimacy there. To be on Grindr, you have to have an iPhone. And technology is a turn on. I'm not saying I advocate online hookup sites, mind you. But I am saying that if you're going to take that innovative route, that maybe there's a better place to do so.

To be on Craigslist, you can basically swipe a debit card into one of those crackling and dusty computers in the back corners of bodegas next to juices featuring fruits you may have never known could be juiced in the first place.

But again, that's just me, my dear readers. How do YOU feel about Craiglisting?

Sound off.

- Justin Luke

Boycott Britney, BITCH!

And so the warning shot has been fired. My buddy and BoiParty.com colleague, Mat with one T has stepped behind the fort and sent out the first bullet in his newest "rant" video. It comes on the heels of Lady Gaga's fantastic "Born This Way" video release.

Mat's message is clear, and precise: Britney Spears is a talentless hack.

She's nothing but a skin-covered cyborg supported by a team of songwriters, vocal coaches, video makers, and PR mavens. Not only does she not sing, she can no longer dance either. And she probably doesn't even run her own Twitter account.

Lady Gaga, on the flip side, writes her own music, picks her own clothing, puts her hands all over her own videos, and actually sings! (fancy that). Not to mention that she's also penned a lot of the songs that made Britney famous to begin with.

Mat's gone public with his feelings, and is receiving a MAJOR digital beat-down from fuming and frothing Spears-aholics.

This is a war, of course. Mat's basically having bombs mailed to his apartment. So where do YOU stand on a possible Britney boycott??