I'm an Ass Man... Are YOU?

No, this isn't a trick Blog Post title to get your clicks. I'm not going to write about how, in a drunken stupor last night, I somehow purchased a donkey from a local farmer (or crazy old man who was also selling magic beans at the time) and am now keeping it in my bath tub.

No, friends, this is an admission of the highest degree: I am an out loud and proud Ass Admirer. A Culo Connoisseur. Baron Bedunk Von ButtLover. It's pretty much always been this way for me, too.

I sometimes ask myself: when did this start? What genetic explosions within me gave way to an adoration for ass? And to be honest, I haven't the slightest fucking idea. All I know is that it's been around basically forever.

As a young gay lad, I was a huge fan of Bel Ami, despite the fact that (at the time) I wasn't attracted to uncircumcised dicks. Why? Because every model in George Duroy's stable possessed what is STILL to this day called The Bel Ami Butt (coined because Bel Ami trademarked it, and actually raises their stars in test tubes with the DNA strand that produces this particular butt). You've seen it. It's a perfect bubble-shaped crescent. It has dimples where the ass meets the thighs. It's hairless. It looks like an apple connected to a dick.

I'm drooling.

And nothing turns my head at the club or on the street more than a guy in a tight pair of butt-huggers. FUCK! I can't help myself! If you're popping, my jaw is probably dropping (this would make an excellent lame rap. I'll spare you the rest of it). I am staring. I am salivating. I am getting all sorts of heated. And boys that know how to pop it up and down like it's a giant flesh-colored fanny pack separated from their body by a pair of shocks on a hoppin' Hooptie... my God. I may not be able to finish this post.

When I look at pics, I prefer seeing guys from behind. Or bent in revealing angles. And it's not the hole that I care about... it's just those curves. I just can't.

My one guess is that this is genetic. And my only basis for this belief is that my brother, who is straight, is an avowed booty bouncer, as well. He regularly (and proudly) tells me that he is "An Ass Man" and he loves chicks "With That Shelf Kinda Ass, Boo" (yes, he says boo... don't ask me why).

Yes, dick size is important. Yes, body type and face prettiness is a factor. (We are talking about physical attraction here, not emotional/mental). But when it comes down to the rubric on which my potential erection grades you... spare me the chest and the six pack, the big thighs and doe eyes. Because chances are I'm not staring at you until you're walking past me.

And then I'm probably almost getting hit by a cab because I forgot to look where I was going.

And so I'm wondering... is anyone else out there an ASS MAN? Let your voice be heard!

- Justin Luke

Happy Four Million Fake Fuckable Asses Day!

I always LOVE the emails I get from Fleshjack (also known as the ONLY not ridiculous toy for gay tops).

Today's is simple, really. And with a GREAT deal too.

Fleshjack just sold their FOUR MILLIONTH JACK! That's a LOT of fake, doughy butts and mouths! Congratulations, FJ. I'd ask how you're going to celebrate this massive achievement, but I assume whatever you do will somehow involve the use of your own products.

I'd say this also means there are at least 4 million tops in the world, but I think it's probably close to 100,000 tops who like to have a full line-up of anuses to satisfy their nightly needs.

Plus, I'll bet a LARGE chunk of them are that fake can of beer with the vampire blowjob mouth that came out right around the peak point of Twilight and True Blood. "It's like getting head from Dracula! That probably feels AWESOME!"

I also hope that zero point zero of them are that ridiculous "Mister Limpy" thing, which is basically an imitation of a limp penis. Which is the equivalent of a deflated dildo. Which is the same thing as totally fucking stupid.

Either way, if you've never bought a Fleshjack, perhaps now is the time to do so. They've "rolled back" to their original pricing. Which means buying the most essential parts of a boyfriend has never been cheaper.

Happy Jacking!

American Ass-Lines: Fly The Fuck-Tarded Skies

Hello Plus One Readers!

As you may have read, I spent the past 10 days away from New York on a national tour (read: vacation) with my boyfriend. This involved stopping through San Francisco, Sacramento, Napa and Sonoma, and Orlando, Florida. And what fun it was! Minus one part. One small part. One small part that makes me cry tears filled with blood and more blood.

And that was two connecting flights with American Airlines.

Listen up! I am an exclusive jetBlue customer. I LOVE these guys. Their planes are clean, there's a TV filled with reality programs jammed three inches from my face, and I can eat all the Doritos Munchie Mix bags I want without a single catty look from the Flight Attendants. Also, I love the way they demonstrate oxygen masks "falling from the ceiling" during their safety presentations.

But something went wrong. Namely: there were NO jetBlue flights between Sacramento and Orlando. No biggie! Said I. We'll just fly American Airlines with a connection at Dallas Fort Worth. What could go wrong?

Well, everything.

For one, American Airlines planes are disgusting. I think I'd have felt better in the steerage of the Titanic with drunken immigrants (did you ever see the movie? that shit looked like SO MUCH FUN). The chairs we sat in smelled musty and were crammed so close together. This is especially bad for me because God gave me the shoulders of a linebacker (alas, no other linebacker talents were granted me, thanks Holy Father). So basically I had to sit in my seat, my elbows sucked into my sides. They advertised wi-fi on the plane, but there wasn't enough room for me to sit comfortably to tick away on my computer.

And leg room? I know jetBlue only gives you a few extra inches... but ask any porn star: every inch counts. I swear to God I would have been eating my snack off of my kneecaps... that's assuming they had given me a damn snack.

Which they didn't.

Get this: on my flight, those in coach got a drink but NO snack. To get a snack, you had to be in FIRST CLASS. In other words, those idiots who paid an extra $200 were basically paying for a bag of Lay's potato chips (they didn't even have Munchies). And the free drinks were given to us by depressed looking flight attendants in uniforms that looked like they had been lining the bottom of bird cages prior to being put on.

And NO tvs! None! Not even one every few rows on the roof of the plane! Are you kidding me? And I paid MORE for this flight than I do for jetBlue? For the chance to pick my nose with my knee caps while my elbows charleyhorsed and my stomach gurgled for want of a bag of carbs?

You have to be fucking kidding me, American Airlines. How are you still in business? Why does ANYONE fly you? Frankly, I can't figure out a single damn reason, other than "Well, shit, jetBlue doesn't fly there. Guess we better fly American. Let's wrap ourselves in garbage bags and get to the airport!"

Oh, and our connecting flight was late. So late that we got to watch harried passengers sprint from the plane to find out that THEIR connecting flights had already left the terminal, and they'd be stuck in Dallas Fort Worth with the crappy BBQ joints and ten-gallon hat-shaped refrigerator magnets for many more hours.

Luckily, Joe and I were able to fly back from Orlando on jetBlue. And how sweet it was! I swear those Popcorners Pop Corn chips tasted like Manna from the heavens. Our flight attendants were energized AND some were even bang-worthy. We watched Rachel Ray cooking spaghetti like it's risotto and sipped our cranberry juices and moved our elbows with total freedom, switching leg positions when it suited us.

THAT is the way to fly. jetBlue's tag line is "HAPPY JETTING" and "YOU ABOVE ALL". I guess that makes American Airlines' taglines "SHITTY FART-FLYING" and "YOU BELOW US, SOMEWHERE NEAR WHERE WE KEEP YOUR DOGS."

- Justin Luke

Gay. Gorgeous? and Twenty-Som​ething. By Nathan Kelly

Hi everyone!

So I have been asked to guest blog for the one and only Justin Luke while he is off exploring the U.S. on vacation. I have been out for 8 years now… in and out of the gay culture. I have met and talked to hundreds and hundreds of gay guys involved in many different scenes, both in NYC and elsewhere. I have spent many nights interacting with all types from twinks to jocks, bears to boys next door, and all in-between. This is my first opportunity to share a little of what I have learned while being out, so I hope you enjoy!

With summer just around the corner one thing should be creeping up on everyone’s minds… the beach! The one place where it’s almost inevitable that less clothes is the better option. Twinks have their flat stomachs, tight butts, and toned chests. Muscle guys have their six packs, bulging arms, and pecs of steel. It’s hard to imagine that not everyone may look like those already fit boys. In gay clubs it’s hard to go two minutes without seeing a go-go boy dancing on a bar or a hot shirtless guy dancing on the floor. But what about the rest of us? For many gay guys the anxiety of being shirtless at the clubs, on the beaches, or even at a pool party is scarier than the thought of never getting laid again!

So what are the options? Well you could diet. Pass up the pizza for a salad. Bypass the 24 hour Chinese take-out place when you’re stumbling home from the club at 4 am. Order a vodka soda instead of a White Russian. Another option is an eating disorder. You could eat one apple all day and run five miles at the gym. Chow down on a ton of high calorie food and then take a trip to the bathroom five minutes later. Partake in some drug of choice that allows you to take food out of the equation all together.

And what about the good ol’ fashion eat healthy and exercise? They say this is the best if you have patience. This one can takes a lot of money to buy healthy, high quality food, and time to make it to the gym 5-6 days a week for at least an hour per session. The cost of a personal trainer… how many of us really have that kind of money? So how realistic is this for everyone?

The interesting thing about body image is the way guys think about themselves. When you’re not slim, it’s easy to dream of being a 120lb twink who can eat for days and not gain a pound. When you’re a 120lb twink it’s easy to dream of having a mass of muscle. For guys who are already naturally fit, these goals may not be completely unrealistic, but what about the ones who aren’t. Many guys had parents who didn’t push the importance of diet and exercise at a young age. Who didn’t encourage sports or staying fit. For these guys, gaining weight at that time may not have seemed like a big deal until it was too late and they found out that being overweight or “fat” is a hard thing to overcome and bounce back from.

Not only is it hard to get a body like someone who never gained a lot of weight but there are other issues as well. Loose skin and stretch marks from being large and then slimming down may never allow a guy who has worked really hard to still look like all the attractive fit guys they are surrounded by. Self-esteem and the potential for Body Dysmorphic Disorder may hinder a guy who has lost weight and toned up to never really allow themselves to be happy, trust that they look good, or feel completely comfortable around other guys who flaunt their bodies as if clothes themselves went out of style. Anxiety, depression, and lack of sex due to feeling unattractive all have such negative effects on a guy.

It’s so easy for guys who have never struggled with weight and body image to say things like, “just be happy with who you are” or “it’s what’s on the inside that counts,” but how easy is it to believe that for those who can’t stop thinking about their appearance? In a society where the media is blasting sex appeal, Abercrombie and Fitch ads can make even the hottest guy feel bad, and no replies on Grindr or Adam4Adam tend to be based on your pic and not your bio, how are the average, less confident boys supposed to get by?

Two authors of a book on self-esteem, Linda Sanford and Mary Ellen Donovan, described the impact of self-esteem in an amazing way: "Our level of self-esteem affects virtually everything we think, say, and do. It affects how we see the world and our place in it. It affects how others in the world see and treat us. It affects the choices we make -- choices about what we will do with our lives and with whom we will be involved. It affects our ability to both give and receive love. And, it affects our ability to take action to change things that need to be changed."

So here are 10 tips on how to help combat low self-esteem while working out, eating healthy, and following whatever works for you to help you feel better about your body:

1) When meeting new people, imagine your self being confident. The more confidence you show, the more people will want to interact with you.

2) Remember a lot of people have “types” so just because someone rejects you, it doesn’t always mean it’s because of your body, it could be for a number of unrelated reasons.

3) Always try and look your best and develop good body language – stand tall, walk well, make eye contact, dress comfortably in something you know makes you look good.

4) Remember everyone doubts their own self-worth or value at one time or another. Just because someone else may appear confident and secure doesn’t mean that they are.

5) Take pride in things un-related to your body image. Accomplishments, job success, things you have worked hard on, etc.

6) Set realistic goals for your body and don’t give up if you don’t always meet them. Change takes time.

7) Replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. If you stay positive, it will be easier to stay motivated and confident.

8) Don’t depend on others to make you feel good. Some guys chase attractive guys for reinforcement that they themselves must be attractive if they can “get” someone hot.

9) Surround yourself with positive, healthy people. Family, good friends, and people that motivate you and make you feel good about yourself can definitely help fight depression.

10) Don’t forget, no one is perfect. And they shouldn’t be. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round.

- Nathan Kelly

Why Justin Luke is So Fucking Awesome... by Pat Damon

‘Sup everyone!

I am Patrick Michael and I have hijacked Justin Luke’s blog. Let’s see how long it takes for him to notice.

So I was wondering what I would write about, and then I thought to myself, “What better way to take advantage of someone being gone than talking about them behind their back?” The answer:

Nothing.

So I have known Justin Luke for going on two years now, and the journey has been… interesting. We met at Rush and he was quick to plug BoiParty.com, this “awesome dragon of a promotional company that breathes rainbows and booze”.

After checking my ID, because he was having a weird night and was at the cash register instead of up on the stage, he asks me “Do you know who I am?”

Like the stalker he is, he already knew who I was, where I was from, my shoe size, and had tea with my mother the previous Wednesday. I had NO idea who this crazy man was. But I told him that I did and he proceeded to introduce himself anyway. And this was the start of a beautiful, alcohol filled, and probably alcohol sustained, friendship.

Now what makes Justin unique? I would have to say that if you needed to clone him, you would have to put in equal parts gamer, pro-wrestler, liberal talk show host, radio personality, social media expert, and toss in a whole heaping helping of gay.

There is more gay in that man than the entire Gay Men’s Choir combined. I am pretty sure I once saw him sneeze to the tune of Elton John’s “Candle In The Wind”.

One thing that Justin could not live without is his phone. He is always and forever connected to the interwebz, whether it be keeping his incredibly successful GG20 project rolling, or tweeting that picture of the cat that looks like it is hovering. This man is WIRED.

In conclusion, I have to say that if you have never spoken to Justin Luke, get off your ass and do it. Go to one of his 3 parties (Tuesday and Thursday at Splash, Saturday at Rush)! Creep on him on the street! Send him messages made from cut up newspapers! Or maybe just write him an email.. I did and it quite literally changed my life, as we went from being stalkerish-facebook-friends to co-workers for BoiParty.com.

This leads me to my final point, the catch-phrase that I would attribute to JL.

Justin Luke: The Possibilities Are Endless.


Editor's Note: I had no idea that this post would be about how awesome I am. Thank you Patrick. And just to remind everyone: I NEVER INSTRUCTED HIM TO DO THIS.


- Justin Luke

Justin Luke Gives It Up to Four Hot Gay Guys!

Hello readers! I am coming to you live from Sacramento, California. Specifically, Folsom, which is known for having a prison that Johnny Cash sang about, as well as a fuck-gigantic dam that, if destroyed, would submerge the entire city.

Also, they have a Carl's Jr!

Anyway, in other words, this bitch (me) is on vacation! And of course I want to keep you happy and slappy with quality blogs that I might not have enough time to make truthfully wonderful with all of this West Coast meandering...

So I've gone ahead and hired FOUR plus ones for the week! Each of these gay boys will be regaling you with an intriguing post in my stead. Below I've posted cute photos of them, as well as the day that they will be posting, as well as links to their Facebooks so that you may stalk them in advance and maybe ask them out on dates.

Bear in mind, my instructions to them were very, very simple. I just told them to "write something gay." Let's see what they come back with!

<3 Justin Luke

Tuesday

Patrick Damon

Wednesday 

 Nathan Kelly

Thursday

 Servando Rosario

Friday

 Matt Dreskin

Ke$ha Turns It Up Up Up... Up!

Last night I had the amazing privilege of seeing Ke$ha free and VIP at Roseland Ballroom with a bunch of GG20s including David Michael, John Marto, Steve Sidewalk, Joe Ferreira, Phil Tarabola, Alan Picus, and a few others.

As much as I love the lady with the dollar sign (which, btw, makes for amazing piles of annoyance when you try to Swype it into a phone), I probably never would have gone ahead and purchased a ticket to see her live.

Why would I? Her music videos, in my opinion, have been underwhelming and overly filled with unicorns. Sure I dance madness defined to her tunes at the club, but I do the same for Britney Spears, and I don't want to see that tragic queen live either.

Well, my opinion changed ONE EIGHTY DEGREES last night. Holy shit, Ke$ha! Talk about an amazing live presence! For the first quarter of the show, K$ stood in the center of a giant LED light diamond hovering over the stage, keyboards and tech equipment to her left and right. She wore bright lit-up goggles that made her look like the final villain of an old Nintendo video game.

The crowd was as tra$hy as you might expect, including two fat guys dressed in chicken suits (bwah?) and a pair of girls who looked like clone$ of the lady of the hour, who got into a fist fight by the bar that resulted in both of their tops popping off and titties flying in all directions. Trash and crash! It was a total bla$t, in other words.

Ke$ha has a stage presence that cannot be denied. She truly is an Animal. Even better than that? The bitch is having FUN up there. Pure, unadulterated, non-performed enjoyment. By the time the night was through, she had shared the stage with a guy in a dirty santa suit, a giant anthropomorphic pear, a giant anthropomorphic penis, an anatomy class skeleton (that she gave a blowjob to), and a member of the audience (who ALSO happened to be GG20 member Andrew Arver) who she taped to a chair and molested while wearing a shirt that looked like an x-ray of her body, the bones bedecked in sequins and rhinestones.

What? Was I on crack?

Maybe. Ke$ha's show is what you see right before you begin puking outside of the cab window on your way home from too much vodka. It is a glittery, glimmery explosion of glam and glutes. Her dancers regularly fired cannons full of streamers, confetti, and glitter into the audience. All was sparkling by the end.

Accompanying me was my boyfriend Joe, who remarked after song number three that he had officially already heard all of her songs he knew... what remained? Well, it turns out he knew every other one of her tunes, too. It was then that it occurred to me: what song of Ke$ha's HASN'T been played at the club? Fuck, everything she puts out is a damn single! The experience was like playing your iTunes favorites in a row. Each one a gem.

My only critique of K-Money was that her voice wasn't the best. She actually lowered the notes in a number of her songs. But you know what? At least she sang live. And at least she wrote her own music. That excuses a mediocre voice in my book. This ain't American Idol.

If you have a chance to see Ke$ha live, I highly recommend it. You'll leave the concert shaking, sweating, and sparkling. It may even beat a party at a rich dude's house.

- Justin Luke

The Top 10 Things To ABSOLUTELY Do at The Gay Club

Yesterday I wrote what has turned out to be one of my most popular posts on Justin + 1, clocking in at over 7,000 hits in less than 24 hours!

In The Top 10 Things NOT To Do at The Gay Club I gave a nice, short list of things every responsible party person should know and abide by. Rules that make partying more fun and easy for everyone involved.

But nightlife isn't about saying "No," now is it? No it isn't! Nightlife is about saying YES YES YES (preferably screaming this, to be honest). And so today I am doing a 180 with yet another informative list for your consumption, studying, and following. In this list I have laid out for you 10 things you SHOULD do at The Gay Club. It will enhance your experience, and it will make nightlife better for all of us!

If you have any, be sure to comment and let me know!

The Top 10 Things to ABSOLUTELY Do at The Gay Club

10. DO read the promos for the party. Any promoter who is any good at what they do has a weekly theme at their parties. And they print this theme on a pretty promo card they put on Facebook. READ THESE PROMOS CAREFULLY. On them you'll often find drink specials, surprise performers, offers to get in free or reduced, the location, contests and competitions that will be going down. If you just walk into a bar with your friends, ask around if there's a theme, contest, or drink special. Chances are there are all of these things. And why pay more for booze when you can get drinks for free by wearing red?

9. DO embrace the theme. This connects to number 10. If the theme of the party includes YOU dressing up - do so! I've co-created parties with Alan Picus and BoiParty.com where we've had our guests dress in football gear, in colored shirts that corresponded with their relationship status, as divas for Halloween. For one, dressing according to theme often earns you free drinks or swag, and for two, it just makes the party more fun for everyone.

8. DO enter the contests. If there's a contest at a party, get your ass up on that stage! Chances are it's a Best Butt Contest. Or a Strip Tease Contest. Or a Sluttiest Slut Contest. Yes, I know, it's not that original, but these are the types of competitions that clubgoers enjoy. Here's the thing: most people at a party are very VERY shy. They will not enter the contest. So you have a great opportunity to win huge prizes (we promoters blow most of our budgets on prizes). I have given away free CDs, hundreds of dollars in cash and bar tabs, free tickets to concerts and movies and events. Plus, if no one enters the contest, it looks lame... usually resulting in a depressed drag queen killing time til the DJ goes back to spinning.

7. DO tip the go-go boys. It is a common, unfortunate understanding that only Creepy McCreepersons tip go-go boys. This is a tragic belief. We don't pay our go-go boys all that much money. They are working for tips. They're like waiters, except they are in their underwear and serving you a big ole plate of Booty Pop. So go up to them and say hi (they will be nice, because if they aren't nice, we fire them promptly). And then tip them! You can place the dollar in their underwear, or hand it to them if you're really concerned. But yes. Tip them. Your bartenders too. They will love you long time.

6. DO bring your friends. If you like the party you're going to, bring your friends! You could be on a garbage barge and have a blast so long as people you like are there with you. Plus, if you show up with a large group of people, promoters and club owners and hosts may take notice of you. I have seen people arrive with a full crew and approached them immediately. You may be offered a bottle hosting gig (where you show up with your friends, you ALL get in free, AND you get a free bottle of booze for the trouble). In nightlife, numbers are power. Show up with a gang of 20 and you'll be surprised at the hookups you get.

5. DO arrive early. I cannot stress this enough: gays love to get to parties late. If it starts at ten, it's considered fashionable and fierce to arrive after 12. This is the dumbest thing in the world. Promoters and bars have a hard time filling up early and so they STACK UP OFFERS early on to coax the gays in. Showing up early to a party can get you: open bars, free give-aways, free entry, personal one-on-one time with the promoters, etc. Plus, since everyone arrives late, lines wrap around the club after midnight. Arriving early means you'll get in fast, get your coat checked quicker, and begin partying. Sure, you may be alone - so bring friends with you. And soon enough everyone will start coming earlier, and everyone will be happy as gay clams.

4. DO have your birthday at your favorite party. Oh my gosh. Promoters, bars and clubs LOVE birthdays! Hell, at BoiParty.com, we have our own resident party planner for this express reason. If you are having a big gay bash for some special reason, let a promoter know. Again, the surge of swag will be staggering. Free booze. Free entry. Maybe a cake! Shout outs from the DJ! Access to the VIP to meet performers there that night. There is no end to it. And it will make you look like a damn superstar to your friends. So do it to it. SO much better than having it at TGIFridays or Applebees (those songs the waiters sing are terrible to begin with).

3. DO be patient. If you're at an awesome party, you're going to experience a few bumps in the road and a few waiting periods (especially if you arrive gay late). Rest assured everyone at the party is working double-time to get you in, boozed up, and dancing. We have no interest in leaving you and your friends out in the cold (unless you're a shitty promoter with no one inside your party, and so have instructed your doorman to leave everyone waiting in the cold to make it LOOK like your event is packed). Our bartenders are doing the best they can. The DJ will get to your song request as soon as he can (they usually think three songs in advance, and I promise you they have other requests besides yours). And everyone is treated equally. You are all our guests. So take a deep breath, play on your phone a bit, and you will be attended to soon enough.

2. DO be friendly. If you see someone you think is cute, go say hey! And to those of you being approached, say hi back! Attitudes are such a party killer. And because of decades of bitchy queens with muscles, a lot of the party world has become anxious and full of fear of rejection. What fun is that? Can't we all just smile, be nice, and enjoy ourselves? I make it a habit of introducing EVERYONE I meet to EVERYONE I know. It's almost comical. I probably make about 500 introductions in a night. I am often made fun of for re-introducing people to each other (partly because I make so many intros, partly because I'm drunk). Always make introductions and grow your crew. The happier and more connected the crowd is, the better the party will be.

1. DO come back soon, ya hear?! If you like the party you've been to... come back again! Find out if it's weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, seasonally, whatever. And bring your friends. Ask the promoter if he has other parties, and then go check those out too. Much like you support an artist by buying their CDs or work, you support a promoter by going to their events. This will endear you to them. They will be more likely to recognize you, comp you, get you drinks, etc. Plus, again, it's just nice. If the promoter is a good one, they're working hard so you don't have to. The best way to pay them back is to pack their party so they look good to the bar owners and the press. A promoter would ask nothing more of you.

---

And, again, that's it! Let me know if I've missed anything :) And I hope you found it helpful.

- Justin Luke

The Top 10 Things NOT To Do at The Gay Club

Since I spend most of my time in the bars and clubs of NYC, I've been able to come up with this list of the Ten No-No Commandments. These are the things you do NOT do when out and about on the party scene. They may seem dumb to you... but you'd be surprised how often they happen.

Do you have one to add? Please do so.

This is being posted as a public service to those who have no fucking clue. Get your shit together :0)

10. Do NOT fight with the doorman or bouncer. He WILL kick your ass. He will BAN your ass from the bar. He will NOT let you go get your shit from coat check. They are here to maintain order. They may be gruff or tough, but that's their job. Your job is to make their job easier.

9. Do NOT give a go-go boy your phone number. This is his job, you're not as slick as you think you are, so smile, say hi, and give him a fucking tip so he can pay his utilities bills on time.

8. Do NOT ask the host/promoter/anyone to get you in without an ID. While we promoters like to act like we're All That, the truth is we have our limits. Including getting you and your underage friends into the bar. The bar doesn't want to close down, or lose its liquor license. We don't want to lose our jobs. So drink a Four Loko at home and jerk off while you count down to your 18th birthday.

7. Do NOT wash off your hand Xs If you're under 21. It's so easy! Right? Just wipe the Xs off your hands and presto-change-o! You're legal! No you're not. And any bar worth its muster has at least 25-50 video cameras that just caught you breaking the law. Fuckjob.

6. Do NOT Request Rebecca Black's "Friday." I've tried this. The DJ will hate you. And if he plays it, the entire club will hate him.

5. Do NOT have sex in the bathrooms. Come on, man! Those stalls are FILTHY with a capital Holy Fuck These Things Are Nasty. Do you really wanna pull out your pole in a place like that? Get on your knees in a puddle of God knows what? It's not even about having class. It's about not getting piss and puke on your jeans. It's about not licking the metal of the urinal by mistake. Go find a dark corner or take him home.

4. Do NOT promote a competing party at the party. No matter how drunk you are, don't walk around the party telling people there's a better one around the corner. Chances are you'll sooner or later promote your competing party to someone working for the party you're trashing. You know, the fucking party you're currently at. Have a brain. Figure it out.

3. Do NOT start a fight. We will kick you out and kick your ass. Nightlife is for fun, not for fighting. Take your shit outside and around the block. Learn to channel and dilute your anger and have another cocktail.

2. Do NOT be an attention whore. No one likes a whore. (Okay, maybe some GOP politicians). But no one likes an attention whore. Shrieking. Dancing so others stare. Bragging about your friend the bartender. Acting like you're better than everyone else. Screaming THIS IS MY JAM and genuinely acting like you're the hottest guy in the room generally tend to automatically render you the least hot guy in the room. Eyes will roll. You will be ignored. Have a good time and get your head out of your ass. No one likes a braggart.

1. Do NOT Arrive on Gay Time. If a guest list ends at 12, be there by 11:45. If an open bar lasts an hour, get there 20 minutes before. Arriving on time is arriving late and arriving late is arriving way too late. Plus, the later you get to a party, the longer the line will be. Because EVERYONE gets there late. Don't think you can cut the line, because you won't be able to. Then you get to stand outside and whine about it while everyone else has fun. Nightlife waits for no gay with a busted watch. So get your ass to the club on time. Whatever you're doing can be done tomorrow, at the club, or not at all.

And that's it!

Do you have any to add?

- Justin Luke

Drag Queens are DYING!!

And who's going to help them!?

Well, if this entertaining trailer has anything to say about it, the heroes may very well be The Nancy Boys (think of them like super-gay, alcoholic, older Hardy Boys).

The plot of this tv-series-hopeful goes thusly:

Inspired by the 1970’s TV series, The Nancy Boys live and work in San Francisco, one of the gay capitals of the world. Crime-sleuthing brothers, Shaun and Parker, are at local nightclub Underground SF, when star drag queen Ginger Root (played by Amanda Sincere) is found impaled on her tiara in her dressing room after an apparent broken heel caused her untimely death.

But when the boys realize she was wearing Spike-A-Licious high heels, which are made with steel rods and a special alloy to support even the biggest girls, they suspect foul play. Hilarity and mystery ensues. The Nancy Boys join forces with Hardly Drew, a male-to-female transgender detective who’s “hardly Drew” anymore, to solve “The Mystery of the Broken Heel.”

Drag queens? Gays? Twinks? Booze? I'm sold! Where do I go to watch?

Hopefully Logo will take a break from their endless torrent of reality TV, and consider picking this series up. I know it would bring me back to the channel a hell of a lot quicker than a cooking show starring Ru Paul.



If you want to try and help The Nancy Boys make it to TV, please contribute to their brand new Kickstarter campaign. They need to raise $10,000... so get moving!

- Justin Luke

What does Gay Nightlife mean to you?

Slutty. Crazy. Chaotic. Debauched. Drunken. Ridiculous.

There are many adjectives used by many people when it comes to describing how they view gay nightlife. I hear them all the time, considering how I work in the industry.

It seems almost fashionable to bemoan the state of nightlife. Either it's too crazy, or it's not crazy enough. Either it's filthy and shameful, or a shadow of its former self, scraped squeaky clean by mayors and senators. It's either far too ridiculous, or boring and stodgy. The complete opposing radical sides of the spectrum of complaint.

But me? I love nightlife. (shocker).

But not just because I work it. Because I've loved nightlife since I first wandered into it.

I see nightlife as a magical place (this is not an exaggeration). By day we toil at our jobs, dressed responsibly and professionally or in our company's mandated clown costumes. We walk the streets and do our chores and complete tasks and act like people are supposed to.

But when we cross the threshold of a club or bar, and the sun is on the other side of the planet, we get to let loose. Whether this means painting your face and bathing in sparkles, or simply forgoing your collared shirt for a tee and tight jeans, it's what we do.

We get to drink and dance and let ourselves go. We get to embrace our carnal desires to dance (whether on the dance floor, or in bed with someone).

Music blasts so loud that you can't really have a conversation. That's fine. We're here to be physical. To get sweaty and serious. Conversations can come later when the burning sun returns to the sky. But by night we dance and drink, hug and cheek-kiss. We get insulted by drag queens and we tip the go-go boys (or say they can't dance and we could do better).

I liken it to the island for lost boys in Pinocchio. Except we're not actually lost. And it isn't run by a fat bear of a man with a 'stache who turns its visitors into donkeys. (Though we probably do our fair share of acting like an ass if we've imbibed enough Patron).

From a young age I loved the club. The darkness. The shooting lights. The painful bass. The possibility of meeting the love of your life, or the love of your next four hours. Ending up in a place where you all have one common goal: to have fun. Regardless of our unique definitions of what fun is.

This is nightlife to me. It is imperative. We need it to continue on with our daylives. A dangerous siren, sure. Some people get too caught up in it. The drugs. The booze. The sex. But these are addictive behaviors that no doubt plague our day lives too. Nightlife isn't to blame. A problem child will find trouble wherever they go.

Nightlive just leaves itself naked and spread before you. It says: take from me what you want. I am here for you. Nightlive jobbers work overtime so that you can have your own variety of fun. Scheduling the performers. Picking the themes. Choosing the drink specials. Hiring the talent. All of it to make sure you can forget your troubles (hopefully) and leave them to deal with the next day.

I love the nightlife... I love to boogie (sorry, couldn't leave that hanging there).

Because, no matter what type of nightlife you pick: a raging dance club, or a smokey lounge, or a sweaty sex party (and there are so so so many options) it is your treat to you. For dealing with the sun and your job and your family and friends and love interests. It lets you turn off your brain and embrace your Bacchanalian side.

It spit-shines the world and gives you a few cocktails to swig, adds flavor to your doldroms and makes the day following that much more tolerable (once the hangover wears off).

Daylife is something we need to live. Nightlife is a privilege we are blessed to have.

- Justin Luke

A Shameless Post Full of 45 Gorgeous Gay Guys in Tiny Underwear

Some days you write something meaningful and esoteric. Other days you write something optimistic and inspirational. Some days you write something contrary and barnstorming.

And some days you just say "Ah, what the fuck, I want to get a ton of traffic to this post from links and search engines."

This is one of those days. I give to you a large number of sexy gay guys wearing close to no clothing. Enjoy in moderation!

As a note: all of these boys are members of the VIP Facebook group, Gorgeous, Gay and Twenty-Something. Certified Grade A Gay guys.

- Justin Luke