Tuesday, January 17, 2012
6 Shits Gay Guys Say That Aren't Unique At All
Something I've noticed from my thousands of conversations is that gay boys say a lot of things that they think are unique about them, usually negative. They mutter something with a sad face, their heads downturned. They expect me to nod sagely and say, "ah yes, friend, you're broken. Poor guy! No help for you."
But, I am here to offer you some comfort. Those horrible things you tell yourself are really more common than you think. We all suffer from/deal with them! Take that as a GOOD thing. If you're broken, then so are the rest of us. And if we're all broken, then isn't that just normal and not-broken after all?
Yes. Yes it is. Here are six things gay boys think are unique about them, but aren't actually.
I CAN'T GET A BOYFRIEND!
Oh God. You and A BILLION other people. Sitting in my Facebook group, Gorgeous, Gay, and Twenty-Something, I see forty versions of this posted every day. This includes the variety of "All I want is an X, Y, and Z guy who will A, B, and C me... is that too much to ask?"
The answer is No: it's not too much to ask. The extended answer is: what the fuck are you doing to fix that/ get what you want? If all you're doing is sitting and carping about it on social media, well then, unless your Prince Charming has found a way to travel through your wireless router, you're in trouble!
Lots of people are single and negative about it. Try being positive and going out there! The more of you who are hopeful and open, the less of you will be able to complain about that soon.
I'M REALLY PICKY
Oh, are you? Because most guys I know date the first thing they meet, ESPECIALLY if they are un-showered, rat-looking, hideously out of shape, and sound like Kermit the Frog stuck in a blender whenever they open their mouths!
Seriously, folks. EVERYONE is picky. And not just gay guys! Every guys! Girls too!
Sure, their version of picky may not be YOURS, but no one is like "I will grab up ANYONE who comes my way... because I just need another carbon-based life form congealing next to me before I die of loneliness."
Well, some people are like that. But they're mostly hermits and/or crazy cat ladies.
BUT, BUT I'VE BEEN HURT BEFORE!
Pity on you, sucka! Most other people have amazingly rewarding relationships from their very first day on! That's why so many of them are not-single and not-complaining about the fact that they've been hurt before.
Being hurt is a rite of passage. Everyone gets it. And we get it a lot. Guys who hurt others will be hurt and have hurt. People who are hurt will then go on and hurt others sometime or another.
So you've got some battle scars. They look cute on you! Totes rugged. Rarrrr. Get back out there. Quit complaining. This isn't a Lifetime Original Movie where you're Judith Light and I'm your abusive husband who beats you with the wooden end of a plunger.
BUT I DON'T WANT HOOKUPS! I JUST WANT A BOYFRIEND!
Guess what? Everyone says this! Then a bunch of them go and hook up. Very few people say "I wanna go out there and get stuffed by every dude I meet!" And the people who DO say that are usually showing off their independence (which breaks down when they get what they asked for) or they are drunk and horny and will change their tune the next day.
Everyone ultimately wants someone. And if they don't right now, they will soon. But guess what? You may end up hooking up with someone, too. That's okay! Just be safe and not-stupid. I promise I won't judge you when you go back on the statement.
GAY GUYS SUCK! I'M JUST GONNA STAY SINGLE
Okay, partner. There are a shit-ton of guys out there in the world. You're not setting yourself up for success by condemning every boy-loving boy to your over-exaggeration. Yes, sure, maybe you've met a few Cock Bumps who you'd rather forget about. So has everyone else!
But no, not everybody is a piece of shit. Probably not even a majority. Maybe a majority of guys you know are... but then maybe you should consider going different places and meeting different people. Update your sample set, and then check your percentages again.
I'M TOO SHY TO APPROACH PEOPLE!
Oh God. EVERYONE is too shy. Except for, as I'm continuously told, older guys and creepers. Wanna know why they approach? Because they've learned that no one else does so, and so their chances of success are greater.
If you and all your whiny cohorts would just take notice of the pair of balls you've been growing since birth, you'd find you're a lot more successful when you approach someone. Fuck your fears and worries. GO FOR IT. Because chances are that every guy you want ALSO says he's too damn shy. Seriously.
Oh my God... there are so many more of these things. I may have to post another one of these soon. In the meanwhile, STOP FEELING SPECIAL AND START FEELING BETTER. These aren't YOUR problems. They're ALL our problems.
xo Justin Luke