I have tried many a workout in my quest to not be a big fat ass over the past (3!) decades. P90x. The gym. Running. Those weird ab-electrocuting belts they used to sell in the early 2000s (which, turns out, never worked, resulting in a class action lawsuit, resulting in me receiving a check for $7 last year... score!)
But I just COULDN'T stick to any of them. I just got way too bored. And sooner or later, I'd end up, back at home, back on my couch, skipping meals and starving myself as a means of weight loss/maintenance, since it was efficient: I could starve myself while doing other things simultaneously. It was brilliant!
Please note: anorexia is not brilliant. Nor is any eating disorder.
But then, last year, my boyfriend Joe got me an AMAZING birthday present. A 3-hour professional wrestling lesson with local wrestling legend Earl Cooter. It was awesome. It was amazing. It became my new obsession.
Video proof of that lovely day is right here:
Since the age of 5, I have been a fan of pro-wrestling. And no, not for the sexy, sweaty men in tights rolling around a ring with each other. More for the unbridled fake violence and drama. A man's soap opera, if you will.
And since then, I've never looked back. My name is Justin Luke, and I am a pro-wrestler in training.
This is the BEST workout there is! You run, you do exercises, you lift men over your shoulder and send them flying to the mat. You punch and kick and fall and pretend you're more hurt than you are.
Note: Pro-wrestling, while planned, still HURTS. I took a bump off of a clothesline last night incorrectly and my butt is sore as hell. Is there such a thing as a Butt Bone? Because I think I bruised it.
ANYWAY. The point is: pro-wrestling is a TOTAL sport. It's cardio. It's weight lifting (try lifting a 200-pound man over your head). It's acrobatics. Acting. Improvisation. A version of ballroom dancing with steel chairs and flaming tables.
It's sort of like Fight Club, for pussies who'd rather not actually get TOO bruised and bloodied.
I am back to full-time wrestling school after work everyday, and I couldn't be happier. I'm still months out for my in-ring debut, but you can be sure I'll invite the lot of you. In the meanwhile, I'll be bulking up, and body-slamming bitches left and right.
- Justin Luke