You Are NOT Looking for a Boyfriend!

Gay dating advice time!

Something I notice a lot: boys often are upset because they "can't find a boyfriend." They're "looking for a boyfriend" and all they ultimately find are jerks, crazies, losers, liars, cheats, and porpoises.

Minus the porpoises (hopefully).

Well, I've got some advice for you, my Gorgeous, Gay followers: You NEED to RE-FRAME!

Some wise man once said "Keep Your Eyes on the Prize." Whoever that wise man was, he was an idiot. Keeping your eyes on the prize is like setting a 10-year goal. It's TOO far away. It's TOO distant. You need to focus more immediately on the present.

I'd like to re-phrase that quote: "Keep Your Eyes on the Process," and "Keep Your Eyes on the Present."

If you do this. REALLY do it. You might find yourself in less tough, sad, whiny spots.

Let me explain.

Saying I'M LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND is no different than saying I WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Well! That's all well and good, chap. But how are you gonna do it?

Well, if you want to be a millionaire, you MIGHT say: I want to be a famous musician.

Okay. And how are you gonna do that?

I want millions of people to download my album.

Okay. And how are you gonna do that?

Well, I need to write an album.

Okay, and how will you do that?

... I should probably get started on my first song...

KA-BOOM!

See what I just did there? I broke down I WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE to its smallest, composite parts. Hell, for some people, maybe there's even more composite parts like "I should buy a guitar" or "I should buy a book on songwriting."

My point is simple: The BOYFRIEND is the prize. You've got a LOT to do before you earn it.

Another quick point. A lot of people are fond of saying "I JUST want a boyfriend... is that SO much to ask?"

Well, let's break it down. I'm guessing that what you mean by BOYFRIEND is:

1. A guy who I find attractive
2. Both inside and out
3. Who keeps me engaged
4. Makes me happy
5. Supports me psychologically
6. Is liked by my friends and family
7. Is honest and loyal
8. Who has some means of living without me so I'm not giving charity
9. Who is good (in my opinion) in bed
10. (add your own additional needs and wants here)

Well... that IS a fuck of a lot to ask, actually. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask for it! Go and ask! Ask I say! Just... don't expect it to come falling out of the sky like a dead, sexy bird (okay... that simile was a bit much).

Point is, folks: You gotta WORK for that boyfriend. And to guarantee success, take your eyes OFF the prize, and put them ON the process.

What IS the process? Well, sorry kids, I can't tell you. Everyone is probably going to have separate things that need to be done. Maybe you need to gain some confidence. Maybe you need to get over an ex. Maybe you need to lose some weight or bulk up a bit (because YOU want to, not because you NEED to).

But one big thing that is in EVERYONE'S boyfriend process is: SORTING AND SIFTING

You're separating the wheat from the chaff, guys. Sifting through the dirt to find gold. No, I'm not going to say that guys are assholes. I WILL say that guys are assholes to YOU. Think of us as a bunch of big, gay puzzle pieces. Sometimes, two pieces just won't fit together. That doesn't mean that those two pieces can't fit with OTHER pieces.

So, think of it as sifting. Or shopping, even. You don't walk into a clothing store and walk out without trying on the jeans, do you? And you don't buy everything you bring into the changing room with you, do you?

No. No you do not.

And so, you're gonna sort and sift. It's like thumping melons at the supermarket. You don't want the ones that aren't ripe yet, or are overripe.

My only tip to you as you begin the sorting and sifting is: BE PATIENT. And this will be a lot easier when you realize that you're not LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND. What you're looking for is someone who has the composite pieces you find interesting, attractive, etc.

Now, once you found him, then you can begin seeing if he's a boyfriend candidate.

But NOT before!

Take your goddamn time, guys. It's not a race. God ain't making any less gay people, mmkay?

Deep breaths. Take your eyes OFF the prize, and put them on the present.

xo Justin Luke
www.JustinLukeNYC.com