Wednesday, August 22, 2012
PARTY + PLAY: Six Ways to NOT Get Kicked Out of the Gay Club
Wednesdays at Justin + 6 are Party + Play with the co-director of NYC's number one gay nightlife company, BoiParty and published author of the gay novel Gulliver Takes Manhattan, Justin Luke Zirilli.
It happens more often than I'd like to admit. I'm in the middle of one of my events, overseeing bottle service or attending to a VIP when my phone begins to explode. Someone is calling me.
First thing: Who the FUCK calls you when they KNOW you're in the middle of a very, very, very loud dance club. Really? How do you think we're going to hear each other?
Finally the caller gives up and texts me: "Hey JL! So my friend ran into a bit of trouble and got kicked out of the club. Can you help him/her/it/them get back in?"
Let me save each of you the penny or two per text you're paying: My answer will ALWAYS be no.
If you're kicked out of the club, at best you're done for the night. At worst, you could be banned a lot longer than that. So, now knowing that I can't override security, let's take an opposite path: instead of discussing how I can get you back INTO the club, let's figure out how you can avoid being kicked OUT OF the club...
1. Don't be too drunk.
Yes, we serve booze. Yes, we're adults. But if you approach the club and can't even stand on your own two feet without falling over into the rope... security is going to deny you entry. I canNOT get you in when you're too drunk to stand up. Nor do I want you in there. If you fall over and split open your head... guess who's responsible? ME!
2. Don't GET too drunk.
If you come into the club and THEN drink too much, to the point where you are caught sleeping on the stairs or falling over people on the dance floor, you WILL be escorted out. My suggestion is just to go quietly. Unfortunately, the drunks ejected from parties RARELY go peacefully into the cool, dark night.
3. Don't Fight with Security
Don't give them attitude, either. If you give a bouncer, doorman, cashier, or security a strong enough attitude, should you fight with them or physically accost them, you are GONE. It'll be the most horrifying experience you've ever had as security piles on you like they're the Secret Service and you just swung a fist at the Vice President. These guys are here to keep the peace, making that difficult for them is going to make things very difficult for you.
4. Don't hide something stupid in your bag
Bouncers search bags. Very thoroughly. It would be wise to NOT carry a bottle of Jameson, a pet chihuahua, any sort of drugs, or some sort of concealed weapon in there. For dumb things like booze, it's going in the trash and sayonara. Anything more serious, you're facing a far worse problem.
5. Don't be too loud outdoors
I'm sure everyone is very proud of the yodeling lessons you've been taking three times a week. Really, we are. But don't show it off while waiting outside in line, or chilling in the smoking section. Nightclubs, especially in NYC, are a part of a NEIGHBORHOOD. A place where boring, older people are an earshot away trying to get to sleep for work the next morning. A noise violation is a very serious thing. Security may be nice and ask you to get quiet. Two strikes and there's a very good chance that you're out.
6. Don't fight with other people
Don't throw a cocktail. Don't call out your asshole ex on the dance floor. Don't scream at the DJ. Don't karate kick a stranger just because you felt like it. Any sort of physical altercation puts liability on the venue where you are partying. You will be piled on by security, whether you were the instigator or the instigated. Doesn't matter. Peacefully remove yourself and go elsewhere, or go rat out your potential attacker to security. If you engage, you are GONE. And there's a VERY good chance that you won't ever be allowed back in.
All of this may seem like common sense... you'd be surprised how often this stuff actually happens. Save yourself a ruined night, and follow these simple rules. Trust me, it's worth it.