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Do you hear that chiming, friends? For whom the bell tolls is a bleak one.
GAY NIGHTLIFE IS DEAD!!!
The gay nightclub, the gay bar, the gay lounge... may they all rest in peace.
If you read any gay article basically anywhere, you've no doubt heard that gay nightlife, be it a club, a bar, a lounge, or a coffee shop is DEAD. Why? Because of Grindr. And Manhunt. And DudesNudes. And Adam for Adam. And Scruff. And Mister. And Sister. And Scissor Sisters.
You see, according to all these very smart journalists and opinion columnists, the fact that you can turn on your phone and place an order for Booty Delivery, there's no need to go out any more! Why head to the club or bar when you can find a butt online and have it show up at your door in fifteen minutes or less or your lube is cold?
Please. Let me repeat myself... PUH-LEEZE.
I have never heard something more ridiculous. Gay nightlife isn't dead, and it never will be. And Plugr and BottomBox and TopFinder certainly will never be the killer IF Nightlife were ever to die (which it won't).
Allow me to give you a few simple reasons:
1. GIRLS GOTTA GET OUT
Okay, so I can get on-demand nookie. Guess what? I still live in New York City where I pay $2,000+ bucks a month to live in an apartment the size of prison cell. You can only stare at these walls for so long. Video games only distract so much. We crave people, life, and excitement. You can't get that at your apartment. Believe me, I've seen my parties the day after a snowstorm when the streets are finally cleared. Everyone is RUNNING into the club to be able to see other people, to trash talk or cheers their cocktails. Cabin fever is a real thing. So long as people are content to see other humans, they will never stop going to bars, lounges and clubs.
2. TRY BEFORE YOU BUY
Yes, that booty hole sure does look tasty. But what if that isn't the guy's booty hole that you're talking to? What if that hot pic of him was taken fifteen years ago? Sure, you can take the chance and send him your address and slam the door in his face while screaming if he shows up Dead on Arrival... or you can go to a gay club where the meat market is in full swing. You get to SEE people from ALL angles... not just the ones they want you to see them from. You can TALK to them. Maybe KISS them (to make sure they don't do it with their eyes open). Plus, not EVERYONE is on the sex apps. A lot of them think it's trashy. If you want one of those, you simply have to come out.
3. SEE AND BE SEEN
Sitting by yourself at home with your Manhunt on isn't going to show off that new outfit you bought. You have to head to the club to see your friends and show off your new body or your new face or your new shoes. Sure, you can post it on your Facebook, duck face and all... but it just isn't the same. It. Just. Isn't.
4. WE'RE STILL HUMANS
An IM box is a lonely, blank place. Face-to-face is still very important. Whether it's Bingo with a drag queen and a puppet or a dance party with a thousand guys on a Thursday night at XL, we all crave true human interaction. Actual speech and seeing who we are talking to. This will never be properly replicated online. Not in the next ten years, at least.
5. GRINDR IS LOCATION BASED
Every time you move ten feet, your sex app changes its offerings of people to you. Walk into a poppin' gay night at a club and watch it A-SPLODE. Very few people fire up Grindr in their apartment and stay there. They'd rather be on the move, constantly refreshing it. If they're smart, that is.
6. YOU CAN'T TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU
A lot of guys might not be able to order in for their booty hole. They live with parents. Or they live in a box. Or they have gross roommates. Or they're a cyborg. Going out to certain parties, you can have sex AT them! (No, not at my parties... BUT NOT JUDGING). You simply have to leave the house to get your nut rutted. So out to the clubs, bars, lounges, and parties you must go.
It's this simple, friends. Gay nightlife isn't going ANYWHERE. It's just as hip-hop-happening as it always was. But wait! People say. I've read the articles! They talk about gay bars and clubs shutting down or being empty. Why is that, if it's not the apps! How can you POSSIBLY say that nightlife isn't hurting?
Let me explain.
1. THINGS CHANGED
Once upon the time there was ONE big gay night in NYC each night. One club where everyone went. Crowds numbered in the thousands upon thousands. And all the people back then were on lots and lots of drugs, so their memory of what it was like shouldn't be totally trusted anyway.
That's of course no longer the case. Now there's a baker's dozen of gay bars in a ten block radius of Hell's Kitchen. There's 8 more just twenty blocks south. Go another twenty blocks south and head east and you'll find another 10. Head west from that same point to find another 10. Take a train to Brooklyn, Queens, Harlem, or Washington Heights. Take a bus to New Jersey or the PATH to Hoboken. A bazillion! The gay nightlife community now has a ton of bars and a ton of parties that cater to your every whim. Gay nightlife hasn't died, it's just become MORE competitive and MORE splintered.
2. 24/7
Once upon a time you ONLY went out on a Saturday after putting on your dancing shoes. You might stop by a bar during the week, but that was rare. Now we can go out any night of the week anywhere and find a drag queen insulting the audience or a porn star jacking off in a dark room. It's the same with television ratings and audiences. I'll bet NBC had a lot more viewers before cable came around. As more options arise, crowds at each of those options dwindle a tad as people go in search of exactly what they want.
3. GAYS LUV STRAIGHTS
Oh, and don't forget acceptance! Once upon a time gays couldn't say they were gay and had to wear armbands to let you know if they liked fucking or getting fucked. Now we can walk into almost ANY bar or club. The girls love us! The straight guys love us too! And you know what? Some gay guys don't want to be in a room with all other gay guys, vying for attention. They prefer a night at Webster Hall or Pacha where they have to FIND the gay guy. It's like a hunting excursion. One where you hope to get shot in the face by the following morning.
Nightlife isn't dead. It's better than it's ever been. Any night of the week at any place you can find a crowd where you belong. Hell, you can turn on your Grindr when you get there. I'll bet that the journalists who have heralded the non-existent death of nightlife all these years are just hermits, sitting at home alone, using twenty-year-old photos of themselves on Grindr.
Good for them. The rest of us are still boogie-ing and having a blast in some of the greatest nightlife spots and parties this world has ever seen.
Love and Booze,
Justin
Nothing will ever KILL nightlife. It's a ridiculous claim when people say that these apps/sites have killed nightlife. They may have made an unavoidable dent in some areas (Boston was noticeably hit hard with the incarnation of Manhunt), but that doesn't mean that it's swept over the microcosm of gay nightlife culture and imprisoned us in our homes/apts/etc. And the "Try Before You Buy" part is sooooo true (I won't recount stories)!
ReplyDeleteGay Nightlife is eternal. Where else are we all going to get free drinks and tip drag queens?!?
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