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I love Halloween, it is my favorite time of year. Pumpkin lattes, shitty costumes, horny boys turning tricks and looking for treats.
I also celebrate Halloween about five times a week with my illustrious career, so I’ve had to let go on the actual day and let it be about the misfits and wallflowers, those who usually don’t get the chance to let out their inner freak on a regular basis.
Here are my DO’S and DON’TS and some spook-tacular advice to help you along the way!
Commitment Issues
To Be in Costume or Not to Be in Costume? Either be in Costume or don’t bother!
How many times have you heard, "i don’t know what to be? I really want to be something." DON’T go out and apologize to everyone that you didn’t have time, or didn’t know where to look for a costume… it’s unattractive!
Have a concept and go for it for crying out loud! If you want to be Cher, then DO turn back time, get to a thrift store, cut up a gown, just where you can start to see your muffin, and be Cher!
DO NOT be one of these people who show up last minute with a baseball cap and say I’m a hungover redneck… No, you’re someone who didn’t plan a costume and now you look like an asshole while the rest of are sitting here in a $100 Disney princess costume that we paid way to much for. Oh shit. Maybe we’re the asshole!
Life’s a Drag
This is one of the best times in the world to DO drag, to really go all the way and be fabulous for the night. If you want it to be about you though, fair warning: many people do go in drag on this night and most girls look like they’re in drag with their Strawberry Slutcake costumes, so you might not get the recognition you’re looking for and be lost in the crowd.
And If you are looking for some tricks on Halloween night, Liza Minelli and Ursula the Sea Witch are not gonna get you laid! Also DON’T buy those 5 inch stiletto heels that you think are fierce. No one is even gonna see your feet in a crowd and you will be miserable walking around in them and never want to put on a pair again and what a drag that would be!
Where’s the Party?
I want to free my soul! Halloween parties really are the bee knees. Most people go all out and the aura of sex is always in the air. But in all serious if you have party invites on or before Halloween, they always seem to be better than tromping around to a bunch of bars the night of, paying cover charges in places that don’t usually have them and not even getting seen in your costume.
Live dangerously and plan your own themed party! One Halloween I decorated my entire apartment as Heaven and Hell and had one leg on each side of the room and remained in purgatory bliss for the entire night and all my devils and angels came to worship!
Safety is a Must
And finally play it safe. Bring your ID and keep it in a safe place with you. Almost every year someone forgets their ID and how fun is that when you’re dressed with a group as Scooby Doo and friends and fucking Scooby doesn’t bring his ID, because he didn’t have pockets. Shove that cell ID in your hole so you always know where to find it, and make a pocket for your cell phone!
Happy Tricks and Treats and be sure and post your skimpy costumes in GG20 or on my wall for your favorite Miss Paige Turner!
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