You Are NOT Looking for a Boyfriend!

Gay dating advice time!

Something I notice a lot: boys often are upset because they "can't find a boyfriend." They're "looking for a boyfriend" and all they ultimately find are jerks, crazies, losers, liars, cheats, and porpoises.

Minus the porpoises (hopefully).

Well, I've got some advice for you, my Gorgeous, Gay followers: You NEED to RE-FRAME!

Some wise man once said "Keep Your Eyes on the Prize." Whoever that wise man was, he was an idiot. Keeping your eyes on the prize is like setting a 10-year goal. It's TOO far away. It's TOO distant. You need to focus more immediately on the present.

I'd like to re-phrase that quote: "Keep Your Eyes on the Process," and "Keep Your Eyes on the Present."

If you do this. REALLY do it. You might find yourself in less tough, sad, whiny spots.

Let me explain.

Saying I'M LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND is no different than saying I WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Well! That's all well and good, chap. But how are you gonna do it?

Well, if you want to be a millionaire, you MIGHT say: I want to be a famous musician.

Okay. And how are you gonna do that?

I want millions of people to download my album.

Okay. And how are you gonna do that?

Well, I need to write an album.

Okay, and how will you do that?

... I should probably get started on my first song...

KA-BOOM!

See what I just did there? I broke down I WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE to its smallest, composite parts. Hell, for some people, maybe there's even more composite parts like "I should buy a guitar" or "I should buy a book on songwriting."

My point is simple: The BOYFRIEND is the prize. You've got a LOT to do before you earn it.

Another quick point. A lot of people are fond of saying "I JUST want a boyfriend... is that SO much to ask?"

Well, let's break it down. I'm guessing that what you mean by BOYFRIEND is:

1. A guy who I find attractive
2. Both inside and out
3. Who keeps me engaged
4. Makes me happy
5. Supports me psychologically
6. Is liked by my friends and family
7. Is honest and loyal
8. Who has some means of living without me so I'm not giving charity
9. Who is good (in my opinion) in bed
10. (add your own additional needs and wants here)

Well... that IS a fuck of a lot to ask, actually. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask for it! Go and ask! Ask I say! Just... don't expect it to come falling out of the sky like a dead, sexy bird (okay... that simile was a bit much).

Point is, folks: You gotta WORK for that boyfriend. And to guarantee success, take your eyes OFF the prize, and put them ON the process.

What IS the process? Well, sorry kids, I can't tell you. Everyone is probably going to have separate things that need to be done. Maybe you need to gain some confidence. Maybe you need to get over an ex. Maybe you need to lose some weight or bulk up a bit (because YOU want to, not because you NEED to).

But one big thing that is in EVERYONE'S boyfriend process is: SORTING AND SIFTING

You're separating the wheat from the chaff, guys. Sifting through the dirt to find gold. No, I'm not going to say that guys are assholes. I WILL say that guys are assholes to YOU. Think of us as a bunch of big, gay puzzle pieces. Sometimes, two pieces just won't fit together. That doesn't mean that those two pieces can't fit with OTHER pieces.

So, think of it as sifting. Or shopping, even. You don't walk into a clothing store and walk out without trying on the jeans, do you? And you don't buy everything you bring into the changing room with you, do you?

No. No you do not.

And so, you're gonna sort and sift. It's like thumping melons at the supermarket. You don't want the ones that aren't ripe yet, or are overripe.

My only tip to you as you begin the sorting and sifting is: BE PATIENT. And this will be a lot easier when you realize that you're not LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND. What you're looking for is someone who has the composite pieces you find interesting, attractive, etc.

Now, once you found him, then you can begin seeing if he's a boyfriend candidate.

But NOT before!

Take your goddamn time, guys. It's not a race. God ain't making any less gay people, mmkay?

Deep breaths. Take your eyes OFF the prize, and put them on the present.

xo Justin Luke
www.JustinLukeNYC.com

Valentine's Day is for Single People

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I know you know this. I know this too.

How do I know? Because every single post I see in my Facebook newsfeed and Tweet Stream is comprised of single people belly-aching, crying, bitching, whining, and lamenting the fact that they do not have a sweetheart to call their own on this completely arbitrary holiday.

The Valentine's Day haters (all single) often have one of 3 reactions to the day in question:

1. Sadness, complete with cookie-eating
2. Vicious hatred, complete with jokes about how dumb the holiday is
3. Blind hope that by NEXT February 14th, they will have a Valentine

You know who's strangely absent from all of this Valentine's Day hubbub?

People in relationships.

Let me be more specific: PEOPLE IN LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS.

For guys who have recently found themselves in a relationship, Valentine's Day is a HUGE deal. Mostly because of all of the V-Days they have spent alone hating the holiday while eating four sleeves of Fig Newtons. They NEED to make sure that everyone knows they get to be in the Valentine's Day club. THEY MADE IT! It's a huge deal.

But it isn't actually.

Allow me to make a bold statement: Valentine's Day is for single people.

And not in a good way. In an emo, mopey, wrist-slitty type of way.

Take a look at Facebook and you will see V-Day being celebrated by recently coupled people, and derided by single people. You will hear close to no peep from anyone in a longer-term relationship.

Why? Because after one go-round in the Valentine's Day Club, we elected not to refresh our membership. We're too busy being in love and not really giving a damn what day it is. If you were to wait til Valentine's Day to give your sweetie something special, not only would it be predictable, you'd also be in a lot of trouble. Because that means you left them to their own devices for the other 364 days. No.

People in rewarding, meaningful, long-term relationships have other things to do.

For example: I've been with my partner Joe for almost 3 years now. If it weren't for all the upset tweets and updates we're seeing, we probably wouldn't even know what holiday tomorrow is. Because we get each other gifts and surprise each other with tickets to shows and goodies and meals ALL THE TIME. What's better than coming home on Just-Any-Old-Kind-of-Day to find your boyfriend with a wrapped present for you?

A week ago, Joe made me meet him in Lincoln Center by the fountain, not even telling me where we were going. He then took me to a movie I've been dying to see. It's more meaningful and romantic when you do something like that out of the spontaneity and kindness of your own heart, versus when your Google calendar tells you to. It's what you do in a relationship, people! You celebrate every damn day, you don't wait until the card companies tell you it's time to grab a chocolate box and bunch of flowers.

So listen, single friends. Stop getting so down on yourself about tomorrow, and not having a Valentine. And, recently coupled friends, stop cheering so loudly about it, rubbing it in the faces of your single friends. It's just a day. Start worrying about the other 364 days of the year. No one likes a braggart and no one likes a whiner. So cut it out!

Because, if everything works out in your favor, and you end up someday in something meaningful and wonderful, you won't give half a shit about Valentine's Day.

- Justin Luke
JustinLukeNYC.com

You Know You Were a Teen Gay in the Late Nineties When...

Gay marriage, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Prop 8, A4A, Manhunt... so many things have come into the gay vernacular in the past 5 or 6 years. But... what about before that?

You gaybies have it so EASY these days. We used to have to walk uphill, both ways, to the gay bar to get laid. Now you turn on your fancy pants iPhones and GRIND your date. It's like Seamless Web food delivery, but for booty!

Yes, luckily us slightly-olds can also take advantage of these wondrous things... but, still... sit a spell and see how different shit was for those of us who grew up gay in the late 90s/early 00s.

If you don't understand a single thing in this list, consider yourself lucky... you were spared a lot of ridiculousness.

-Justin Luke (JustinLukeNYC.com)


You know you were a teen gay in the Late Nineties When...

16. You had a photo on Face The Jury and Hot or Not (and was rated at LEAST 9.9)

15. You spent weekday nights in the M4M chat rooms on AOL, or XY.com

14. You know what XY.com is

13. You had a profile on PlanetOut

12. You spelled "boy" with an "i" (or many, many i's)

11. You had a LiveJournal, and it was the COOLEST

10. You went to Limelight to dance and do drugs, not shop and eat IHOP

9. Twink was a compliment, not an insult

8. "Wanna Cyber?" was a legitimate pick-up line, and no web cams were involved

7. It took you 3-5 minutes to download a nude someone sent you, and you'd lose it all if your parents picked up the house phone

6. You owned the VHS tapes of Trick, Jeffrey, and Broken Hearts Club

5. You pre-gamed at Big Cup before drinking the night away at the original XL

4. You got your porn from Limewire

3. You played SNOOD before going out to the club

2. A/S/L? Was a necessary question

1. You were SURE that this MySpace thing would NEVER beat Friendster

Meet Nick!

Wednesdays at Justin plus Six is BROADWAY GAYBIE with aspiring musical theatre actor Nick Flatto.

Being a Manhattan native, who then grew up in New Jersey and Pennsylvania, Nick moved back to the concrete jungle to pursue his dream of working on Broadway. Building his resume one credit at a time, Nick is enjoying his journey through the difficult career path. One of his biggest hobbies and one of the reasons why he loves New York as much as he does is that he tries to see every show that comes to Broadway.

Through selling merchandise, standing in line for cheap tickets, winning the lottery, or having sugar daddies Nick attempts to see every show and wants to share his experiences with you. So if you are in need of your theatre kick or just think Nick is cute humor him and read away.

When not being inspired by productions in New York, Nick finds himself performing. Nick had the honor of working with Harry Connick Jr. on his original musical last Christmas, danced with PHISH at Madison Square Garden, and can be seen in the flashmob with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in the hit film Friends with Benefits. Nick can also be seen in advertisements for such companies as Radioshack, Boost Mobile, and Burlington Coat Factory. 

He likes to bowl and eat.

Visit his website at NickFlatto.com and become a fan of his journey at Facebook.com/ActorNickFlatto.

Meet Coti Tyler!

Mondays at Justin + 6 are now MANEATER MONDAYS, penned by Coti Tyler.

Originally from a small Rhode Island town, this twenty-one year old former go-go boy thrust himself into the NYC nightlife during his first year of college in northern New Jersey, only to disappear not soon after his debut. But he's back! And boy, does he have plenty of things to tell you.

He's also a bit too hot to be a nerd. He majors in Computer Graphics, listens to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack regularly, plays video games like a boss, and takes more English and Creative Writing classes than his major requires.

He's no novice to the gay community, either: he came out when he was merely fourteen years old, which means, with all those years of experience, he knows what he's doing in the bedroom. And his extremely outgoing personality would never lead you to believe that he is an old reclusive soul, dreaming of one day living in a cottage in Finland, surrounded by snow, trees, and plenty of paper.

Delve into his otherwise mysterious world, filled with drugs, sex, lies and despair. Allow him to show you his insecurities and secrets. Travel with this young versatile twink to his brightest and darkest places, as he creates, explores, cheats, lies, steals, and melts the hearts of everyone around him.

The Truth About Text

You gave a guy your number.

You flirted and maybe made out and maybe slept together.

From there, you took it to the world of text messaging. Cute lil mwah mwah kissy-kissy's sent back and forth to each other with the help of satellites in space.

So adorable!

Then, something goes wrong. The dude of your dreams stops responding. Stops texting.

I've been asked before (since apparently I'm old enough to give good advice): How Long Is Too Long for A Guy To Text You Back?

I'll give you my answer right now: 12 hours. Short! Crazy! RIDICULOUS! Right? Wrong. Completely wrong. This is a very fair amount of time to give your Text Buddy. If a guy does not text you back within that allotted time, he is either over you, into someone else, or dead.

When I hear tales of guys going radio silent for a few days, and then returning saying "I'm sorry, I was busy," I yank out a little bit of my hair. Luckily my hair is full and oft-growing, so no bald spot has appeared.




Why? Because everywhere I go I see one thing: PEOPLE TEXTING. We're at dinner with friends, and texting. We're dancing at the club, and texting. We're walking through the streets and falling down subway entrances because WE ARE TEXTING.

Face the truth, boys: everyone texts all the goddamn time. If he isn't texting you, he is guaranteed Not That Into You. It takes five seconds to send a smiley and say you're busy. FIVE SECONDS. And considering how much time people spend taking photos of themselves on Facebook, or complaining that they're bored... this is but a tiny fraction.

The following reasons are excuse for an absence of texting, with variable times that seem pretty accurate:

He's seeing a movie - up to 3 hours

His phone died - up to 8 hours
(because you KNOW he'll run to a charger as soon as he can, and immediately reach out to anyone he missed communications from).

He lost his phone - up to 24 hours, until he makes that Facebook event invite asking you for your number
(What, you don't have his Facebook? Well that was dumb. Facebooks and numbers should be exchanged simultaneously as far as I'm concerned). 

He's on a cruise or traveling across Europe - 1-2 weeks
(but if he didn't bother to tell you this ahead of time, he STILL isn't all that into you)

He's been kidnapped and/or killed - forever
(Sad, I know. Luckily, also rare)

And that's it! I'll say it again, Mission Impossible style. This Text Message Relationship will self-destruct in 12 hours. Better get those fingers flapping.

So there you have it guys. My official statement. If they don't text you back within 12 hours, you have permission to send a clarification text to make sure they got the original. If he STILL doesn't respond, just delete his number. It's over, whatever it was. You're just wasting your own time and making yourself look insane.

Good luck, and get to texting!

xo Justin Luke
JustinLukeNYC.com