Do you hear that whistle? It’s tea time bitches.
I’m spilling the top three hottest gossip pieces for you this week.
3. America’s original token gay film actor, Tom Cruise, seems to be getting along just fine amidst his split from
2. Lindsay Lohan has begun filming her new project, The Canyons, with adult film star James Deen, also known as the man we were all really masturbating to in high school when we tried our best to enjoy straight porn. The Canyons, an independent film project, is described on IMDB as “Youth, Glamor, Sex and Los Angeles circa 2012.” How innovative. Ms Lohan, pale legs and payless loafers blazing, exited Nobu in Malibu on Sunday serving her best heroin not so chic cowgirl realness. Some things may change, however, those things do not include Lindsay’s driving skills, desire to work on films involving porn and crack cocaine addiction.
1. Twenty-something host, Lane Bryant model, unemployed sex slave trafficker and Manhattan’s next it boy, Clay Adam Wade, celebrated his twenty… something-th birthday this past Thursday at XL. (I’m having trouble getting through the rest of this piece; I’m just too fucking funny.) Mr/s. Wade, wearing his best power lesbian attire, celebrated all night with close friends Juni Odaglas, Matthew Cash, iPad boy extraordinaire who we’ll call Lambchops and other people whose names can’t be recalled but whose penis sizes and girths remain in vivid memory. Calls to Mr/s. Wade for comment were not returned but his representative issued a statement thanking Justin Luke and Alan Picus for contributing to his ever-expanding waistline and alcohol addiction.
Now its time for an overly dramatic video, which I’m sure I’ll regret, where I throw some major shade about people who have convinced me to call them my boyfriend while I was incredibly intoxicated.
Stay shady, lady.